living alone

Can your DD not arrange to take time off to go with you now and again, etheltbags1?
I wouldn't think that it was realistic (or fair on the other person) to cultivate a relationship in order to create a carer for yourself.

Lots of people who don't have anyone seem to manage when it comes to being ill/hospital visits.. I'm not saying its ideal but I'd rather manage than dupe someone into a relationship just so I had someone to go with me. I'm sorry you are alone and finding things difficult in your illness but I don't think using someone is the answer...

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I agree with tanith. You can do it on your own, ethel - I don't think anyone on here would advise you to take advantage of someone just to see you through a bad patch.

As others have suggested there are ways to get to the hospital.

I can't believe you are even thinking of starting a relationship to use some poor man and then dump him when you don't need him.

I apologise if I am wrong but some of your posts make me wonder if you are real or just trying to get some reaction.

Ethel DOES have a history of winding up in the past, ginny, as she has admitted herself. Surely you would not be so heartless as to wind people up to get a reaction over something so serious as a cancer diagnosis, ethel ?

Hospitals in our area do have visitors' volunteer drivers who will take a patient to hospital and then back home. You may feel that you wouldn't want to ask for this service but the folks who do it (my friend does this) want to do it, and they are also getting something out of it... helping someone.
MacMillan does I know often help a cancer patient with a bursery towards expenses, I don't if the patient has to be an in-patient or if there is a particular criteria.

No Im not winding anyone up, never thought of it considering the subject. Please believe me. Yes I may be a calculating cow as someone suggested but I just cant bear the thought of having to put up with a man for any other reason. I much prefer to live alone, I get sick of being in a relationship after a few weeks.

I suppose if I were rich I would advertise for a companion, who I would pay then I would not have to worry about being nice to someone all the time. I do tend to verbally abuse people if I have to live with them.
But I did think of a sort of temporary relationship might be a good idea.
People are getting dumped all the time and I would not want to be around to nurse a partner if they were ill. Im just being honest.

Maybe I will just stay on my own.

Do men not use women all the time for their own ends. Im just being honest.

Can you not find a new friend who isn't male ?

Im not good with relationships with women either. I get bored with them after a week.

I think, as you've already said, you would be better off on your own, not least because having anyone around you would add to your already considerable worries and fears.
It is preposterous (IMO) to decide to set out to cultivate a relationship with anyone, use them and then dump them! As for men using 'women all the time for their own ends', that isn't my experience at all though obviously it does happen but definitely not all men......

I know how you feel Ethel. It's just having someone to be there for you and to reply on.

My mum was widowed at 52 and I used to encourage her to find another bloke. Her reaction was - what and have to look after another man.!!

She did have a few admirers but wasn't interested. I had to agree in some ways because my dad was an invalid after the war and was quite a burden as she put it.

One man who was very keen on her had multiple strokes and this increased her views on never finding another chap.

It's REALLY TOUGH facing cancer on your own but how about MacMillan. They are always on TV saying no-one should face it alone. You could also try Help the Aged. There's got to be support out there not everyone has close family to help out. What about the local church if you are a church goer.

Silver Line is there if you ever just want to let off steam and they might have some ideas?

!

I am sorry about your cancer ethelbags1 but it sounds to me as if you have always been (almost to your own admission) the sort of person that only wants other people when it suits them. I always think of the saying 'what goes around, comes around'.

Lots of us live alone, and when it comes to the crunch we manage somehow. I am really sorry for your problems, but it's not advisable to seek to build a relationship just because of this. It wouldn't work, would it.

I usually go to hospital appointments and treatments on my own - then another person isn't having to kick around waiting for me.

I live alone and have done for many years. I cannot help but ask myself ethel if you have ever helped other people, as you yourself would like to be helped now. From what you have said about yourself, I suspect not. I'm sorry if I misjudge you, but I really cannot take you seriously.

Sorry to hear of your illness and dilemma.

My DH's granny was in a similar situation and lived to 93, 300 miles away from the nearest relative.
She would have no strangers in the house. They contacted an organisation called Crossroads when granny was in her 70s. A lovely lady called A came and made sure that hospital appointments etc were attended.
Over the next, almost 20 years, there grew a respectful 'friendship' neither overstepping their role. A always called granny Mrs H...... And granny called A by her first name.
A did no domestic tasks other than popping in, making sure health appointments were attended and accompanied, and occasionally shopping. She also alerted family if something was amiss. Fortunately this was rare.

I wonder if they still exist as an organisation and if it might suit you. I wish you well. x

If there is a scheme to help with transport and perhaps staying while you have treatment your GP surgery may be able to help.We have a voluntary organisation here which does this,my DH and I were involved for some years with it and referral was through the GP. We would travel up to 20 miles and would mostly wait for consultation or treatment to be completed or go back if it was a long wait. A donation, by the patient, to the organisation was a matter of choice. It would not be fair to start a relationship just for the benefits to you at a time of need and then dump the poor chap when his usefulness was over.

I can understand a "tiny bit" of what you are saying ethel the bit about having to "care for another person man/woman, as I have cared for my lovely mr biker for many years and do not! want to end up caring for another, but as far as saying that you would "dump" that poor chap who has helped you with your visits and what ever else you may need them for at the time..I find that a little upsetting as that man/chap whoever could be our male parent or a neighbour or a good friend of ours, not that my dad is on his own but if he was and someone came along to just make friends and "use" him and then "dump" him..then it would upset me very much indeed. I suppose if you made it very clear to the person whom you are thinking about and put your cards on the table and they understood that their time was limited with your companionship then you would both be of an understanding and accept the situation.

Ethel AgeUK have people on their books who will befriend you for these kind of visits, go into your local branch and ask them for the information or even ask if anyone at a lunch club would like to be friends with you and explain about your appointments adding in the option of doing things outside of these visits maybe lunch every now and then or cinema visits,we all need someone else in our live's and it doesn't have to be of the opposite sex does it.

This has to be a wind-up - I do not believe anyone could be so calculating and cold.

The word "humiliating" is revealing. It is not humiliating to ask for help - it is part of normal human intercourse. Sometimes we give help, sometimes we are on the receiving end - that is how it works.

If you do not want to be helped, then don't - it is your choice. You are used to going it alone and have made that choice - just go with it. I am sure you would not want to cause hurt to anyone else just to get what you need temporarily - having others help you implies a willingness to help them should the need arise.

Ethelbags This is going to sound very harsh but I do not see what else other GNrs can do!

There are lot of Gnrs on here and another thread taking their time to offer you advice and information on sources of support and for every very sound suggestion made, you seem to find some reason or another why you cannot do any of this.

I am afraid nothing will work if you continue throwing every suggestion of help back in peoples faces. You are alienating the people who are trying to help you.

What sort of solutions to your worries have you thought of, now you have turned down every one else's advice?

Looking at some of the exasperation I see in posts from other GNrs to your negative responses, I think you are in danger of causing the very situation of isolation and lack of support you are complaining about.

To be very blunt with you you have a stark choice. You act on the sound advice you have had from so many of us and act on it; or you "put up and shut up" and not keep posting!

Think about it properly! Whatever you are facing you have to adapt to it and that means you need to change the habits and attitudes of a lifetime.
There is nothing else you can do if you want a chance of treatment.