DAUGHER IN LAW BORROWING MONEY

She is asking for a loan so she can do the job you suggested? Could you afford to accept £50 per month in repayment, so it would be repaid over 10 months?

Is this your son's wife/ex wife?

You need to firm and honest Grammy. £500 is a lot of money and not wishing to be rude, how do you know her car needs repairing and it will cost that much?

If it were me and I was prepared to foot the bill, I'd want the car taken to a garage of my choice where I'd request an itemised quote for the work needed.

Decide what you want to do and say before talking to her. Write it down and practice and then when you do speak to her, keep to your script.

That should avoid you getting angry, especially if you think about what her response may be if you say this is the last time you can assist her financially.

Good luck.

If you have decided you will make this loan then just say that. This is the last time I can help you with money.

Then you must stick to that boundary and say no in future, no matter what.

Having a word with your son might help, he has responsibilities here

May I ask where the father of the child is?
Is your son the father?

Grammy57, I think it's time to start saying no, but emphasise that you simply can't afford it. Say that you wish you could help, but your savings are gone.

If you ve suggested her doing a driving job surely the need to repair her car is connected?
If you ve advised her contacting Women’s aid is she an abused wife ?
Where’s your son in all this ?
If you can help why not make a direct debit to repay you monthly if you really can’t then you have to say no

Is this real?

Where is your son? What kind of a job is suitable for a 14 year old to sit in the car with her mother? What about school? Why are you so grumpy about helping?

Maybe OP feels six months subsidizing (as she puts it) is long enough, and the emotional worry is causing her to be 'grumpy'? GillT57

I can’t think of one company who would allow a child to accompany the driver.
So presumably your DIL will be be using her own car?
Tell her if you can’t afford to sub her any longer, if you don’t tell her, she won’t know will she?

Why is your son not helping his wife and daughter? Apologies in advance if there has been a tragedy but you don't explain why your dil is raising your dgd alone.

Apologies in advance if there has been a tragedy but you don't explain why your dil is raising your dgd alone.

As the OP has suggested the CMS and Women's Aid then it doesn't sound as if the father has died.
Forgive me if I'm wrong, Grammy57

However, I am rather confused - has your DS scarpered, was he abusive and she is struggling now to, trying to find a job to pay for the necessities of life for herself and her daughter?

No I worked all my life not to give you a free ride.
That wouldn't be a very kind thing to say if those are the circumstances. She must be struggling.

Can you have your DGD come to you if her mother is working? If it's a driving job she can't go with her mother, I doubt that the insurance would allow it.
Why is transport not provided?

My step son whom I raised from 5years old he's now 50. his father passed away early this year and his mother didn't keep touch. So now it just me. We fell out before my husband passed away as we were both pretty disgusted at his lack of care for his daughter. Children should not be made to pay for parents problems - neither should old ladies

Thank you I think this is what I needed to hear

It would but he wont pick up to me because he knows what I will say

Wish it weren't - I wish I had enough money to just hand it over without a second thought

To be honest, I have a 14 yo and there are periods where he is left alone at home because me or his Dad are both at work. I don't think it's unusual at that age.

It would just be the holidays that my gd might go with her, she is old enough to stay home but my dil wants to spend time with her while she still wants to (teenagers) loads of vans deliver to me in the school hols with children in front - map reading. I think it could be fun. But you are right in that it's not Morrison's it couriers

I'm not being 'grumpy' can you really not empathize? I want to help them like I would want to help anyone that I can but I also have to think of myself too. My savings are disappearing and I can't go out and get a job. I also struggle a bit as to why she is not helping herself - is it because muggins here has been shelling out?

Thank you

Has she been out of work a long time?
You've mentioned women's aid so presumably she has been abused in some way by your step son. I imagine she lacks confidence?

That isn't to say I think you should just give her money. I understand it is irritating when people wont help themselves but if there has been domestic abuse it may make that persons behaviour more complex

Namsnanny

Maybe OP feels six months subsidizing (as she puts it) is long enough, and the emotional worry is causing her to be 'grumpy'? GillT57

Agreed, I became a lone parent when my son was 14/15, I would never have asked people for money. £500 is alot of money, why should this Gran subsidise this woman who is not looking hard enough for a job.
People ask, what is her son doing, that is not the OP business, her son is a adult.
The DIL should not be asking for money.

I am also glad that you feel you worked hard so no need to subsidise her.
My son has left his partner and son. I help out my Grandson with money, my son had him very young, he has just become 17. I pay his monthly gym fee's and I help with his driving lessons, if his Mother asked it would be NO , she does not though. I have always worked and will not subsidise sons partners. I agree with *OP.