Stroke

"Family are on at me". I suggest you tell them to take him out or whatever. Then they might realise it's not an easy task for you.

Sitting all day isn’t good for anyone , but it is so hard to motivate another person !
The next one that tells you what to do tell Them to have a go !

Gingster it’s extremely hard to motivate a man who is happy to sit all day.

It must be even more so to motivate someone who has had a stroke and has no interest in helping themselves.

I have no solution, sending you (((hugs)))

I feel you need a coffee and catch up soon x

Would it be possible to pay privately for a therapist to come to the house for a few weeks. He would feel he had to put the effort in if they were coming each week to check on him.

Are there any classes nearby that are suitable such as tai chi or the move it or lose it classes.

You could both go swimming once a week he might find it beneficial to feel the movement in water.

Failing that you could say you are looking at wheelchairs for him for when he needs it! Hoping that might galvanise him into action.

My father became very depressed after his stroke and needed support with that..I can recall our GP at the time saying that was quite common, I'd add at that point my father was recovering well.
Perhaps you could speak to your GP or Stroke clinic (if you have one).

did he have a stroke nurse that you can contact. I had a stroke just before Covid and you are constantly tired- but not the kind of tiredness that will disappear with a nap. The worse thing I have found is the less you do the more tired you become. I found a half an hour nap or rest did me good. The suddenly you don't need the rest any more. Also remember a stroke is a brain injury as well as a physical illness

Our local swimming pool and gym have very good classes for people recovering from strokes. Often helpful to see others in the same boat, as such, and good for the social side.

Think they are free for a certain time, then you can become a member for a modest fee.

I have only one experience of a stroke within my family and that was my dad he had a stroke aged 59 and it was a long time ago he did not receive any therapy or go into hospital. He was pretty well recovered within 6 months. He was pretty determined to get back to normal life again which I think went a long way to his recovery.
There were things he found more difficult but he accepted them and made adaptions.

Yes I have phone numbers for the Stroke clinic and I think I’ll give them a ring.
I think a lot of it is depression. He was a good sportsman up til 5 years ago but never seems to yearn for it.
I think of little jobs he can do and he does them … eventually.
This morning he mowed our very small lawn and it did take it out of him. I told him earlier , wiping up the lunch dishes was waiting for him. He will do it sometime. I get him To prepare the veg or make a sandwich but he never thinks to do these things himself.
Thanks for your thoughts and ‘yes GG’ a coffee catchup soon would be good.

My husband had a stroke at forty six. It was life changing. I would say that possibly your husband is still coming to terms with what has happened to him. Possibly he isn’t able to think yet as well as being exhausted.

I'm sorry to hear that your DH, and you, are struggling.
It's very hard to motivate someone who doesn't seem to want to be motivated.
I don't have any answers but sending you a big hug xxx

I’ve read your and your DH’s story on the GM and other threads and was sorry to read of his stroke.
DD2 had a stroke at 12 - totally life changing. Despite 9 weeks in hospital, then both limited NHS and lots of private treatment, we were told any improvement could take up to 4 years. There was indeed some improvement, although she will always be a full-time wheelchair user plus other issues.

However, her attitude and love for life is an inspiration to witness.

I hope you can get something to motivate your DH - much harder in senior years though?

I was sorry, Gingster, to hear about your husband's stroke. I have no advice to offer really except that maybe contacting the Stroke Association. They will probably have advice to help you.

But, my thoughts are really for you. I can imagine the stress you must be under without family nagging you. Please make the time to look after yourself.

Register as a Carer with your GP if appropriate and explore any benefits to which you may be entitled - to make life easier for you.

Perhaps I sound bitter kitty (I was) but I was turned down and again on appeal for Carer’s Allowance for my 12 year old. I didn’t bother to try again.

That sounds harsh, Georgesgran.

Our eldest son had a massive stroke aged 35 while living in Japan and came home to live. I didn't apply because I didn't know I could.

I spread the benefits word now.

Oh Gingster my heart truly goes out to you. Your anxiety worrying about ‘what’s best’ for your dear man is palpable. I don’t know why we persist in calling it a stroke. That misnomer sounds almost gentle. It’s bluddy well not. It’s a traumatic bleed assault on the brain and it’s frightening.

I hope you can get some extra advice and yes, support and reassurance soon. You do so well. I very much admire your fortitude having read your previous posts. I can imagine how much your mind must be constantly whirring. I wish you both all the very best for better days ahead.

Tricky one. You can't be motivated on his behalf and if he's slipped into the mindset of "why bother?" you may have hit a bit of a brick wall.

But as for other family members who sound all-talk-and-no-do then they should get down off their high horse.

Contact the Stroke Nurse.
I think they will have ideas/help and support.

Do you have a local Community Intervention Service? - they are rapidly able to provide short term assessment and interventions.

There is a, lot of charities that helped my dad he didn’t have a stroke but became housebound with age, 92 when he died last year he wasn’t so well
Age concern helped and there was local charities that had volunteers would go round for an hour have a game of cards or a chat he also had a lady who used to ring him once a of times a week for a chat through some volunteer charity
Well worth asking Age concern or Help the Aged if anything exists in your area…. does he have a social worker

Where are your family in this why aren’t they popping in for a hour taking him out for a ride etc etc, all very well them moaning but where’s the help from them?
I d have a word

That should read ‘in his last year’ it didn’t happen last year sorry

My father recovered well after his stroke, I went round every day as his wife went out, he wanted to get well and we started small walks at first, within 6 months appeared almost back to how he was, I think as we were so close he liked me being there
and that motivated him.
Everyone is different and a stroke affects people in different ways. He sounds as if he is a little depressed, would perhaps one of your family might suggest going for a short walk with him, sitting a doing a light activity or just sit and talk.
I would also speak to the stroke nurse, they might have much better ideas, I know here they do clubs for those recovering.
It us hard on you as its so hard to motivate someone content to sit. 💐

Thanks so much for all your advice, it’s very much appreciated.
I must put the record straight regarding my family though. They have gone above and beyond with support and help, I couldn’t ask for more. It’s just that they hate seeing their dad so feeble and are always thinking of ways to get him better but he’s not interested.

Having said that.. ds1 is taking him to a local footie match today, maybe for half time, see how he goes.
He’s been taken out for lunch several times and we’ve been taken to our seaside house by both sons and brought back, Dd sits in with him if I’m out for a longer time and dgc visit and chat.

Sorry to have misled you . So you see, we are all doing our best, it’s just that Dh could do so much more to speed his recovery but just doesn’t care. As the therapists told us, it’s up to you V.

I experienced a TIA during open heart surgery in 2022 but this was only identified via an eye test a year later and confirmed by a brain scan. That explained why I’d been lethargic and depressed following the surgery which wasn’t the expected outcome based on the experience of others.

Since then I’ve enjoyed being part of a weekly online meeting of a Stroke Survivors' Café. Here is the link:

bit.ly/StrokeCafe

It’s available on Zoom every Thursday from 1.00 - 3.00 pm and you can dip in and out as you choose. I have learned a lot from it, not least how brave others are facing far worse limitations on their activities than I have.

Hope that helps.