Fear of ageing.

I understand especially the last part so its a case of soldiering on but leaning on good friends and family to help you keeping doing all your activities and perhaps trying something new to give you a boost. Sadly we have to age and eventually die. I don't know how old you are but if you are not quite retirement age yet you could have 20 or 30 years left so find some things that give you joy and fun.

If I stop to think about it, I feel much the same as you. However, we've got involved in so many things locally that there usually isn't time to dwell on getting old. We're busier than when we were working and there's so much going on to look forward to.

All I can suggest is that you try to follow up hobbies that you haven't had time for, try a few new ones and try out some groups relevant to those so that you meet people and can get involved. Make sure that you have some enjoyable things to look forward to.

Make contingency plans by all means, but then live as if you're going to live forever.

I'm reading this as not so much a question of "What do I do with my time then?" - as there are all sorts of answers to that one and it sounds like you've probably thought of them already.

But - with age comes friends and relatives maybe getting ill and maybe it's to the extent that it interferes with their lives and hence a knock-on effect back to other people. There is basically nothing one can do about that other than look up helpful health info etc that conventional medics probably won't be telling them on the one hand and maybe helping out with how they are to get anything done that their body is refusing to co-operate about (eg if it's health is too bad to even do everyday things like housework/shopping/etc).

I think maybe one gets more pessimistic about Life as a whole when getting older? I'm in my 70's now and do wonder how to disentangle in my own mind as to whether I've become WAY WAY more cynical and feeling "down" about life because I was born in the 1950's and came of age in Normal Times (ie 1970s/1980s) and Society has got one heck of a lot worse since then or whether it's because I've had many more years on Earth and, with it, a lot more let-downs by people than I had when younger (unfair treatment, getting ill because of other people, finding out people I knew had to be binned because they'd turned out to be thieves, etc). Very difficult to disentangle what is down to Society changing for the worse and what is down to "Extra years means extra letdowns experienced personally".

Personally - I find one of the ways I cope with worse Society/worse body/etc is to try to review and learn what I can from "Earth School" and learn what lessons I can about what life on Earth is like - and plan forward (as best I can) for once I'm free (ie dead) and can do what I like and live with people at a similar level to myself and no Earthly worries any longer.

Personally - I do a lot more of "Watch and Learn" than I used to when younger and hoping/trying to be 'centre stage' myself iyswim. I'm not sure whether I'd call it one of the "consolations" of being older or no - to listen to what someone says/watch their actions whilst thinking "I can see what they are really thinking/planning underneath all that....".

It’s inevitable at our age, thinking about getting old and dying. I try to make the most of everyday and be thankful that I have got to this stage. Eating healthily and staying active is a positive way to keep the grim reaper away for as long as possible. 😊

I’m 72 and was alright in my 60s but when I reached 70, I didn’t have a meltdown but I wasn’t very happy about it..😭
I work 18 hours a week in a high dementia care home and because I’ve got no real hobbies I think that working and going to the gym keep me occupied and less liable to think about the inevitable
My brother died age 49 over twenty years ago

I read somewhere we should not complain about getting older. It is a privileged denied to many….

Shinamae

I’m 72 and was alright in my 60s but when I reached 70, I didn’t have a meltdown but I wasn’t very happy about it..😭
I work 18 hours a week in a high dementia care home and because I’ve got no real hobbies I think that working and going to the gym keep me occupied and less liable to think about the inevitable
My brother died age 49 over twenty years ago

I read somewhere we should not complain about getting older. It is a privileged denied to many….

Maybe complain is the wrong word maybe it should’ve read worry..🤓

Why worry about what is inevitable?

I am 81 and face each day positively; I love new clothes - having my hair done - seeing the family.

I feel very privileged to have reached this age. I am very lucky unlike a 19 year old cousin who died in a road accident.

Embrace life and stop over-thinking stuff.

Embrace life and stop over-thinking stuff.

Oh yes!
I am approaching 80 and enjoy life as you do.
Who knows, at whatever age, what life will bring, and worrying won't alter it one jot.

Now this could be interesting - but I often wonder why some people want a long life.

For those that want a long life - can you explain why please? As I'm always utterly puzzled when someone says that as to why they do. Each to their own and, if that's what some people want, then that's what they want.

I know there's a woman I'm acquainted with locally who says it's her goal to reach 100 (I think she must be about 70 currently??).

I'd like to understand why some people think that way - as, coming from the heavy duty heart attack family that I do personally, my erstwhile younger brother must have been in his 20's I think when he was there the youngest in the heart attack ward in hospital (with those genes coming through from both sides of the family = I wasnt surprised at all).

I remember thinking way back when "Oh well - with that bad a heart gene - I expect my parents will die in their 50's. Then I expect I, in turn, will die in my 50's - as pre-That Injection that seemed to be when heart attacks kicked in for people that were in that position". I just shrugged and thought "Oh well - at least I won't get to be elderly = good!". Even though I'm "naturally alive" as I call it (ie no medical procedures other than gynaecological operations when younger) I'm quite surprised to still be here in some ways - not "Oh goodie goodie = about 20 years longer than I expected to get to date and wanting more please".

So:
1. Why?
2. For those wanting a long life = do you have a belief system that there is an afterlife or no? (I feel I could understand more if people DON'T have a belief system - compared to someone like myself - who does have one and has already got a general plan in mind as to what I'm going to do for the first few centuries after I'm dead iyswim).

I think fear of dying is more about just the finality of it, which sounds silly.

No more ‘life’, family, friends, sunshine, home life….

Just gone, hard to believe.

But it will happen to all of us, it’s up to us to make the most of what we have, but we don’t always do that, do we?

I dread anything happening to DH and my family, but worry how DH would get on without me!

Am sure many people have the same worries.

I don't worry about getting older as my DH didn't get the chance of an old age. He died aged 51.
I enjoy each day. I'm nearly 80 and have arthritis but I do as much as I can and accept the restrictions that old age can bring
Worrying about the future is pointless.

AGAA4

I don't worry about getting older as my DH didn't get the chance of an old age. He died aged 51.
I enjoy each day. I'm nearly 80 and have arthritis but I do as much as I can and accept the restrictions that old age can bring
Worrying about the future is pointless.

What a sensible outlook.

👏👏👏

I was initially worried about retiring because it was very sociable and I thought I'd miss that aspect of the job so I carried on for much longer than I needed to ie past pension age. However, without making a lot of effort, I quickly increased my circle of friends , got some new hobbies that I enjoyed and tbh wish I'd stopped work sooner. I don't think about dying, what's the point? I've outlived both parents, am pretty fit for my age and just hope when my time comes that it's quick as I don't enjoy hanging around doing nothing.

I'm not sure this is fear about ageing as such so much as fear of the unknown, in this case, retirement and possibly physical decline.
We rarely worry about growing up, changing marital status, new jobs or having children so I think it is important to recognise that life is a series of perfectly natural stages and to make the best of each.
I do think your current state of anxiety might benefit from talking to somebody so do consider discussing this with a Dr who will refer you if they think it would help.

I never used to worry about getting old. I thought it would be rather nice, time to sit back and enjoy life at a slower pace, our adult children settled in their world, with their own families etc. It would be time to do what pleased us, travel a bit, finish all those projects you never had time for when family were at home.

It hasn’t worked out like that for me. Both my dh and ds have terminal illnesses and two of my three siblings have died. The third I haven’t seen for 20+ years. Meanwhile I still share responsibility for looking after my mother who is now a great age and to be honest, I don’t know what it’s all for. I don’t want to end up being her age, outliving half of my children and all of my friends. I feel weighed down by it all.

While you have your health sort out you home if needed. Do lots of travelling if you can afford to. Volunteer for something. Exercise every day even if just a long walk. Fill your days with activities and if you are busy hopefully it will give you purpose and you won't have time to worry so much. Enjoy your life don't waste it worrying. 😊😊

I never worried about getting old & dying as i never thought I would ‘make old bones’! My son now reminds me of the times I said this many years ago when having to give up the job I loved got me down. I think in spite of this & the times I have an unneeded rant about some thing I am lucky to have reached 80. Just want to go on as long as I can to see my Grandchildren grow up a bit more! I dont see them as often as I would like but love the times when I do. So many thanks to whoever/whatever decided I can reach this age & hopefully more beyond for what I have. Today is a much better day than yesterday so if they are listening more please?

I started a thread nearly like this about 1 year ago.

I had very helpful replies which helped me to work things through.

I will see if I can find it later on.

Found it.

This one
www.gransnet.com/forums/gransnet_cafe/1339145-Older-age

I ended up deciding I was going to live until 90!
A bit tounge in cheek, and a bit of denial going on, but it is working for me!
Got myself back to being on an even keel again, and feeling positive again.

I want to live to a really old age because I come from a long-lived healthy family, who play an active part in their communities deep into old age. I enjoy living, I have a lot of interests I pursue and I am currently listing all the groups I am going to join, when we move to a new home 100 miles away.

It was reported in the news today that people who have a positive attitude to aging stay healthier and live longer.

My father died at the age of 92, after a short illness. He was still on the committees of three local organisations, and we had to issue bulletins to each group on his health during his last illness.

Obviously luck plays a big part in aging well, as well as genetics, but what gives you the highest chance of aging well, is your mind set - and mine is set on squeezing every drop from the fruit that is life.

It’s being cantankerous and curmudgeonly that’s enabled my mother to reach her 98th year, I reckon.

I don’t have an age ‘aim’ but rather a hope I can stay active, afford to live comfortably and be self caring until my life ends, no matter when that may be. Mr C had major heart surgery at 80, at 82 he’s as fit as a flea. At 77 I’ve a number of activity limiting health conditions I can usually work with and around. As long as that continues I’ll be content. There’s no one way to live at any age, as long as we can structure days to be content in ourselves life can be good.

SueDonim

It’s being cantankerous and curmudgeonly that’s enabled my mother to reach her 98th year, I reckon.

I’ll be alright then Sue 🤣🤣

For most of my life, I have found change unsettling and sometimes very worrying, so I do know how you feel.

Fortunately, most of those "sharp corners" 40th birthday, followed predictably 10 years later by 50th, retirement, all turned out to be less worrying than I thought.

I imagine we all worry about the propect of needing more help as we age, or not being able to manage on our own.

I have found been practical (provisional power of attorney, pre-paid funeral plan, will in order) helps,

For me it is harder to accept that to a certain extent it is necessary to slow down, but I have found it worth while to make myself accept that I can now longer mow all the grass in the garden in the course of one afternoon, or clean the whole house thoroughly in the course of two days.

In order to get this far, I have had to sit down an work out exactly what my concerns and unconcious worries were, and how to tackle them.

Life is still worth living, even if the pace is necessarily slower and some of our loved ones are no longer with us. Try to remember that we tend to hear of all the lonely old people left to fairly incompetent carers, BUT we don't hear of all those who have friends, good carers, and few or no health problems.

Why worry about whether you or I will be unfortunate later on? It might never happen. and if it does ´, remember the old Glasgow saying, "We'll be all right, hen, we're Clyde built."