Black Dog 23

Well that was a surprise. Just posted a comment and we got to another 1000 posts.
Hope everyone finds it ok.

Sweet pea sue it sounds lovely. I hope you feel better for going.
I can text dd but will get a very short response if any.
I messaged Samaritans today but it can take a while for a reply. I was sitting in the car and so needed someone to talk to but couldn’t think of anyone and I hate phoning so I emailed them.

Thanks Doodle for number 23!!
Doodle- it’s heartwarming to hear how much comfort your Church brings you. Not only the lovely people but the peace of just being there.
I think that you made a wise decision to not have counselling right now. Having to talk and think about things too deeply when you know why you feel so sad isn’t always helpful. I didn’t feel comfortable at all. You are dealing with things in your own way and that’s just what you need to do.
It would be nice if you can walk by your river again- I,ve got used to a different sort of walking but just being out in the air is lovely.
SweetPeaSue- yay!! So glad you got to Ribblesdale. I expect it was busy as it was Bank Holiday.
It must have been so nice to sit in the hot tub and see the stars coming out. Being able to spend time with your family is just what you needed and your DH was able to rest. Have a safe journey home.
Candy- I think having the caravan is so good for you - you can recharge your batteries . Your life is so busy you need to switch off often.
Yes don’t let one visit put you off Croatia it is lovely - such clear water and beautiful coastline. Great that your DGS enjoys his football - sport teaches children so much.
Enjoy the rest of your week.
Wyllow- do hope the ADs problem is sorted now. I often think of you and wonder what you are doing- hope you had some lighter moments today and maybe had a little walk.
EllieAnne- what awful weather you’re having- I don’t mind walking in the rain though. You are right about old churches - they are so peaceful and it’s almost as if they have absorbed the emotions of people over the ages. Sorry DD is still finding it difficult with communication. You do your best that’s all you can do. You are human and occasional envy is just normal sometimes.
HVDY- glad you and DH had a nice day together. That walk certainly was an achievement for you- such a sensible way to approach exercise.
Bet you can’t wait to see Chubby chops again soon- when do you start your days of seeing after her?
How are your legs after the walking?
Time for bed now - wishing peaceful nights for all.

Evening all
Ellie Anne I hope the Samaritans got back to you. They are probably under so much pressure. Mental health is highlighted more these days which is good but it does put pressure on the associated services. I wonder if there are any more helplines you could use? The ones I’ve used are phone lines though. No Panic do a national one which is open 10-10. It’s not just about panic, it’s depression too or just someone to talk to. In Wales, they do a 24 hour one called “Call” I wonder if they do something similar where you are. I hope you are ok. Your church sounds lively and I understand it may not be your thing. My Dad was very religious and didn’t like Churches like that, he preferred the more traditional kind which of course is perfectly acceptable. I hope you can rebuild the relationship with your DD. Situations within families can be so difficult at times and can be hard. Sending ❤️.
Sweepeasue glad you made it! Hope you enjoyed your time in the hot tub. I’ve never been in one but like the idea. I’m sure the break has done you both the world of good. Safe journey home tomorrow.
HVDY I can’t remember where it was in Croatia but it was very quiet. Nowhere to walk to or anywhere to visit. We like city breaks so I think Dubrovnik would suit us. Yes, our son is very good at technology as I think a lot of younger people are. We rely on him a lot, as do a lot of family members, and we very often say “he’ll sort it when he comes home” and he does! Hope your lunch was nice and well done on your walk. Hope you’ve been ok since.
Doodle I think you’ve made the right decision re. the counselling. You will instinctively know what’s best for you and if you’re not ready, then so be it. You are doing well so why rock the boat and make you feel worse? You can always revisit it at a later date. When a close family member died, her DD was told she wouldn’t be offered it for a year. Maybe that was why. I hope you have had a good day today. Thank you for BD23!
Scaredycat yes, on the whole, I think the caravan is definitely good for me. Yes, football is good for DGS. It’s amazing he can have an “adult” conversation about football with my DH and DS. His knowledge of it all is outstanding. My DD says it’s a pity he doesn’t put in as much effort with his school work 😂. As long as he’s happy that’s all that matters. I hope you have had a good day.
Wyllow Hope you have been ok today and mange to get your meds sorted.

It was our anniversary today so we’ve out to a nice restaurant not far from our caravan. It was nice and a real treat as we don’t normally eat out in the week. DH going home tomorrow but I’m going to stay on for a few days. I like doing that from time to time.
Night all, ❤️ to all those not personally mentioned xx

Caught up on BD's 22 and thank you again Doodle for starting BD 23.

I do understand the struggles you describe about your feelings, Elie Anne. Very honesT - and not making you in any way a bad person.

Any point in whatsapping DD instead of phoning? (It’s what I do. Less pressure). Glad you did do that email.

Sweetpeasue you’ve done so very well to get there, and I’m glad your saw your son and family. It is a tiring drive so I hope you both have had your feet up.

I’m glad the Ibuprofen is helping, HVDY. And getting out for lunch and the way, which is a great achievement. A good plan, slow build up.

Doodle I decided at one point not to do counselling as it might do what you said. I think you’ve done the right thing for you for the time being and you can opt in if it feels right in the future.

Such wise words about envy and feeling different from you, so glad you can come in at this time.

Hello Scaredycat as ever your lovely thoughtful post for BD’s.

Candy what you say “as long as he’s happy that’s all that matters”
Aint that the truth! All we want to see in DC and DGC. Nice meal out there.

After 2 days worry I had a lot of trouble getting the anti-d’s - it was a GP failure on last round of prescriptions. Had to be very on the ball for a good chunk of the day, got them in the end. No walks and dressing gown and - well another bad day.

I'm very thankful for you all.

Night night BD’s xx

Thank you all. Scaredy-cat that’s exactly what I meant about old churches. You put it so well.
When I started at mine 30+ years ago it was much quieter but has moved with the times and has attracted more people . I won’t move now.
We didn’t have a phone when I was young and I have never felt comfortable with it. Always feel I’m being a nuisance. If I text or email they can ignore me if they want to.

Doodle Grief counselling isn't for everyone, but it might be something you could try later. You've got your church friends and family, so perhaps you talk to them? You're doing very well, anyway.

ScaredyCat We're having ChubbyChops from next week. Tues as DIL taking her girl to Alton Towers, then Thursday when she'll be starting work. It'll be every Tues and Thurs (DIL will be working from home those days). Hope you're ok.

Candy6 Hope you had a very happy anniversary and a lovely meal. Don't be put off Croatia, there are some beautiful places, and the country is so clean.

Wyllow3 Thanks for starting the new thread. Glad you got your ADs after all that. You had a bad day yesterday, but I hope today will be different for you.

EllieAnne I hope The Samaritans get back to you. It's a shame you don't feel comfortable ringing them, as you'd get a quicker response. Hope the weather is better today and that you can get out.

My hip was fine yesterday ("background" pain) but I'm not going to be tempted to try to rush things. Exercises and some housework later today. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Hi all.
EllieAnne- do hope you were able to get some help from the Samaritans. I do understand your reluctance to phone especially the feeling like a nuisance. I was like that for years but I decided that if people were busy they’d say so if they didn’t want to talk ditto and just went for it. It’s usually nothing personal just that the recipients probably have. their own issues
often. Please reach out for help when you are feeling so low.
Candy- if City Breaks are what you like Dubrovnik is a beautiful place and so is Split.
Congratulations on your Anniversary- hope you enjoyed a lovely meal.
It,ll be nice for you to have a quiet bit of ‘me’ time - hope the weather holds up it’s been very warm here today.
Wyllow- glad you won the Battle of the ADs . Of course it’s disgraceful it happened but you got there in the end.
Hope today is being kinder to you - you deserve some better times.
I like WhatsApp too- some of my family make me laugh so much sometimes. Today it was the Oasis reunion got them going!!
HVDY- I,m OK thanks- glad your hip behaved itself yesterday. I think your plan of campaign is really helping you- don’t do too much housework though. It’s good you will have Wednesdays free in between ChubbyChops days - time to rest and recuperate.
How’s your furry visitor?
Nadateturbe- how are you ? Hope you are not feeling as bad as you were - you must get so tired of it. Have you been able to do,your painting at all?
Doodle- hope the mountain of paperwork is slowly going down and you have been able to enjoy the sunshine a bit.
Tomorrow we are visiting a Cathedral I have always wanted to see so there will be 2 candles burning there one for your DH and one for my Son who shares my September Birthday.
Sending a friendly hug xx

Today has been busy - hair cut then packing as we are off for a couple of weeks by the sea- our much loved place. Internet should be OK so hope to be able to keep in touch. I feel guilty to be doing something so nice when you all have had such difficult times lately. But at the same time I am so grateful to be able to still do things despite the constant AF exhaustion. The ADs have helped such a lot too.
Love to all BDs past and present and any others who read and hopefully don’t feel so alone.

Ellie Anne have you heard back from anyone yet? I wish I could think of something to help. Your life seems to hold no joy at all. It’s hard living like that.
Scaredycat yes church has been a big help to me. Been today and two friends have invited me for lunch on Sunday which is nice. Did walk by the river today. Spent the afternoon by the river with another friend and we sat and had a drink overlooking the boats and swans. So lovely.
I don’t think I could cope with any more analysing of my situation right now. It’s hard enough to get through the day. Absolutely fine this morning until I picked up the lead to my camera and thought about all the times I’ve got excited packing for a holiday with DH and the joy of being together. Such a simple connection but within seconds the wave of sadness overtook me. It’s impossible to describe to anyone who’s never experienced it. It’s not normal sadness but something completely different as you will well know. Still I’ve had a good day overall so just keep plodding on.
Sweetpeasue hope you’re having a lovely time. Have a safe journey home.
Candy congratulations on your anniversary. Glad you enjoyed a nice meal out.
Sending huggs and a we miss you to Whiff who can’t be with us at the moment.
Wyllow glad you’ve got your meds at last. What a mix up. Hopefully you’ll pick up in a day or two. When’s your carer coming next?
Ellie Anne I tend to text too for similar reason. Less intrusive. Hope your DD is more responsive soon.
HVDY what a lovely bond you’ll develop with Chubby chops having her twice a week. Your DIL is lucky you’re happy to help out.
*Glad you had a better day hip wise. Yes take it carefully.
Scaredycat oh how lovely. Thank you for saying you’ll light a candle for us. That means so much that you’d take the time to think of us especially as you’ll be thinking of your son too.
Hope you have a wonderful holiday. I’m so pleased you can enjoy going away now. How much better things are for you now. Safe journey.

ScaredyCat I did a bit of vacuuming and mopping, changed the beds, put 2 lots of washing out then brought it in and folded it. Emptied and loaded the dishwasher. That's all. The furry friend hadn't been seen for a few days, but he turned up an hour ago. I don't always know he's there as he opens his mouth but no sound comes out . Fed him, anyway. Hope you have a really lovely holiday and get waited on.

How's everyone else been? It's been very muggy here all day. Going to feed Son2's cats now. x

Just a short post. Sorry feel unable to post to you all separately-so very tired.
The short break away was such a positive thing as we had family time bonding that we never had the opportunity to before. Such a lovely time last night when a card game at son's lodge was so like I thought it would be in a ' normal ' family. Back home now and I'm glad that we went away.
Will be back tomorrow. But real family time, with son and DIL and her mum was very much worth the trip.
Sorry can't address everyone.
Back tomorrow.

I can understand you missing the more peaceful older style church, Ellie Anne, but not wanting to move. I do hope your emails dont get ignored.

I hope you love your time with ChubbyChops HVDY when your new arrangement starts. Sounds good, your plan of limiting what you do.

Scaredycat I hope your visit to the cathedral feels strengthening and valuable. xx for the candles that you light for your son and Doodle’s DH. I hope your time by the sea is good - and yes it will be lovely if you can keep in touch.

You are so kind and thoughtful, please don’t feel guilty now! You have a lot on your plate with the AF.

Doodle You describe those moments like the lead to the camera so poignantly. Well done just koko and doing what you do do. I’m glad you have those friends.

I’m glad you managed to get away and have the family bonding Sweetpeasue and expect you are very tired.

I saw the carer today we went for a walk, she’s now away for two weeks on holiday, it helps a bit while I’m actually with her. lots of “whats the point” long hours - things need doing and I just cant force myself to cope with organising anything …is just how it is, a very bad MH patch.

SweetpeaSue I'm so pleased you had such a happy family time away. You certainly deserve that, and more.

Wyllow3 Thanks. The child-minding starts next Tuesday. I'll be looking for places to visit, and things to do, with her. Lazy day today - last day centre on a Thursday. Glad you managed to go for a walk. What a shame the carer will be away for a while. Could/would she be able to help you to ring around and arrange a gardener, hairdresser, anything else? (when carer is back, obviously)

Had an early start - up at 6. DH had a hospital appointment at 8.30. Managed to park (blue badge used) right outside, he was seen straightaway, did a lot of lung function tests (results in January). Just got in, so a quick coffee then to day centre. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day.

Doodle- this is for youx

EllieAnne You've been part of your church such a long time- understand why you wouldn't change. You'll have made friends and feel part of it-a place to feel like you belong , which is important for you. Do hope your emails or texts are acknowledged. So sorry you've felt so bad and it's a good thing to either ring or email Samaritans. By talking to someone anonymously it might help to sort out how you feel about everything. Sending a hug , we are here.
HVDY I think it was your last visit to day- centre? It's bound to feel a little sad - you'll have got acquainted with staff and other visitors. Hope the boring salad wasn't on the menu today and you had something nice. Good your DH has had tests at his appt but results in January?
What a long wait. What a nice thing to say about my deserving happy times- thankyou.
Wyllow I really hope you've had a better day today. It's a shame about the carer being away when you get on so well with her and she's got to know you a bit. I hope that 2 weeks passes quickly. Wish I knew what to say to help but I think of you often and am continuing rooting for you to recover. You've been through so much. Xx
Candy Hope you're having a relaxing time at your caravan and are having good weather. I know how you need to keep busy so it's good you can relax and replenish energy there.

Back later.

Hi all very tired after a really interesting day.
SweetPeaSue- so lovely to hear how happy your short break made you feel. Family times are the best- rest and relax now .
Wyllow- wonderful Cathedral thank you. I think in time you will form a good relationship with your new carer and hopefully she,ll help you gain some confidence.
HVDY - enjoy your last day centre visit.
Glad your DH didn’t have to hang about- it seems a long wait for results.
Time to put my feet up - love to all BDs.

Ah Scaredycat I've just seen your photo. How very lovely of you to do that - you are so thoughtful to post that picture. It looks so peaceful and spiritual there. I hope it warmed your heart to light a candle for your son too. Please enjoy your weeks by the sea and no need at all to feel guilty- though I understand your sentiment. Your posts to us all are always from the heart. Make happy memories by the sea.
Doodle I feel so very sad for your heavy heartache and longing for your dear loved husband. If I try to imagine your grief it's so scary but I want you to know how much I care(I know you know anyway. I hope today hasn't been too bad to get through. I can understand you not wanting any counselling for the reasons you describe. I think there are times when someone feels they can talk about things and times when you don't want to 'go there'. I'm glad you have the river walks and you can do that with a friend too. Nature can help though it must be so difficult on your own.Sending you a huge hug and love.
Nadateturbe Thinking of you and hope you're not in too much discomfort or pain. I hope your eyes are a bit better and I understand that looking at screens can make that worse. We all care about your situation. X

Love to all and those not mentioned .

Been out and bought a wireless printer today. DH sometimes prints pictures and paints them but our last printer had given up the ghost and we seem to sometimes need one.
Hate to see DHs face looking so puffy with the steroids- just reminds me of how long he'll be taking the damned things( even though they're necessary)
Our GP not there till next week so we'll make appt then about these lung nodules that Rheumatologist said should be monitored.His hand and fingers still numb and tingling so will mention that -again.
This afternoon saw DH ripping ivy off roof of other old shed- hope he's not thinking of replacing that one!
Been reading in sun so that was nice.

Hope everyone's day has gone as well as it could be. X

I did get a response today but it didn’t help much. I will get back to them but not sure how much to share even though it’s anonymous.
Wyllow if you were near I’d happily go for a walk.
Cathedral looks beautiful scaredy cat. I’m sure it would be peaceful too.
It’s good to get away. Son -2 and family are going to a caravan park next week. There seems to be quite a lot to do there and there is a farm park nearby. But so far dgs is not interested in animals.
I’m tired again. Managed a decent walk this morning and took two friends to a prison this afternoon to visit a young man we know. I could not go in because it was arranged at short notice so I couldn’t get added to the list but it didn’t matter. I waited in the car and read. They do put prisons in awkward places to get to without a car.
My activities will be starting soon. Choir will be preparing for Christmas concert,! Dreading the winter and driving on dark nights though.

SweetpeaSue Yes, I was a bit sad to think I won't see all the people I know on Thursdays, but I'll perhaps take ChubbyChops in one week, for 1/2 an hour. Lunch was homemade quiche, new potatoes and a bit of salad, with coleslaw, then homemade carrot cake. I had the "moon face" last year and it took a few months to return to normal. I hope your husband will be able to see the GP about his problems, and that he'll get some help. Can't he stop doing things? . My husband is the opposite - I have to nag and moan for months to get him to do jobs.

ScaredyCat Have you had a good day? Hope you're having good weather.

EllieAnne That was nice of you to drive your friends. How old is your GS? Perhaps he'll appreciate animals when he's older. I hope your son and his family have a good holiday.

Doodle Hope you've had a decent day. Did you go out?
Wyllow3 How has your day been?
Candy6 Hope you're enjoying your time at your caravan.

How's everyone else been? Son2 and family are home now, he rang me when they landed, at 2pm. I'll ring him later. They're off out to Chatsworth House for the day tomorrow. DH has just ordered a new tv - ours has got lots of green lines going across the picture. x

HVDY you say that’s all but it sounds quite a bit to me. I always get exhausted changing the beds.
Do you think your little furry one can’t make any noise, He’s lucky you’re looking out for him. How have you been today pain wise?
Sweetpeasue so glad you enjoyed your trip. It sounds lovely and so pleased things went well for you.
Wyllow glad you got out with your carer. Shame she’s away for a bit but at least you get in and she’ll be back soon.
I seem to have gone into a slump too. Cried so many times today. One of those really emotional days.
HVdY hope your DH’s results are ok. You’ll be busy looking after Chubby chops but what a joy to spend time with her.
Oh Scaredycat you’ve helped me so much. Thank you. After the day I’ve had I needed to see that. Thank you so much it means a lot to me. Very honoured to have a candle for DH next to one for your son. Really thoughtful.
What cathedral is it if you don’t mind me asking? Have a lovely holiday and I hope all goes well for you.
Sweetpeasue thank you so much. I know you care. It helps writing my thoughts down here but don’t really want to upset anyone. You are such a supporting bunch I really am so grateful for your kindness, Hope you get your printer set up ok. Also hope your DH gets checked by your GP soon. Yes do mention all those things. They need to be aware.
Also mention your concern about the cancelled appointments.
Ellie Anne don’t know about you but sometimes I’m scared to even let myself think about the things that trouble me let alone tell them to anyone else. However, I’m sure they are confidential and maybe it would do you good to talk to someone.
What a kind thing to do to take your friends for a visit and just sit and wait. That was such a lovely thing to do I bet they appreciated it.
Glad your choir is starting again. Hope that helps you.

EllieAnne Like Doodle, think it was such a kind thing to do to take those friends to the prison to see that young man and wait outside. I'm sure that imprisoned man would be pleased to have caring visitors. I'm glad that your choir activities will soon be starting - must be so fulfilling and good to be part of something like that. Wish I could sing! Hope you get reply from Samaritans soon.
HVDY Bet chubby chops will be a huge hit at the centre and give lots of pleasure. Loved that day centre lunch today! I remember you saying you got the moon face too. I'm concerned as we were told by Rheumatologist it's usually 2 yrs on steroids for GCA and then can relapse. He's been on them 1 Yr next month so a while to go yet.
DH likes to be doing something -having something on the go. He's got a list in his head most of the time. We're not alike in that! Hope you haven't had too much pain today.
Doodle Oh I'm so sorry about your bad day. Sending so much love . Never worry about upsetting us -we care and want to know how you are - you always said that to me when I first came on BD.
I wondered what cathedral Scaredycat lit those candles in too. Such a lovely gesture and to send the photo too.
Thanks DH seems to have set up the printer now. I absolutely hate small print instructions and techy stuff.
Sleep well tonight Doodle and hope your day is much better tomorrow.x

*

i am slowly going blind. I have amd and.mild haemopilia.

i also have a pinched nerve in my spine. Which is very pain ful.

Hi- It was Winchester Cathedralxx