Low and a bit stuck

So sorry you are feeling this way tillysussex. I too have suffered from depression from a very early age and although I have not taken medication for a few years I still feel it lurking now and again.
I do have a partner but still feel very alone sometimes. My daughters and granddaughters don't live close by and I only see them a few times a year.
Perhaps a visit to your gp to explain how you are feeling. Are you like me and tend to bottle things up and not talk about the way you are feeling because you don't want to worry them.
I'm sure others will have more wise words for you. If you would like to pm me I am here.
Please look after yourself and keep chatting on here. The grans on Gransnet are wonderful people .

Another one here with depression in the past which rears its ugly head now and again. I don't have any family nearby either and have nothing to do this weekend except watch the wedding!!! tillysussex I don't know your situation and I know its difficult to make a start but are their any clubs/organisations/groups in your area to join. I think you really need to try hard to leave the house if you can even if its to go to a coffee shop or the library and get some contact details for groups. Have you seen your GP re any treatment that would help you? At the very least cone and chat on here- lots of people to chat with, possibly meet up with but at the very least to share how you are feeling with and know that you are not alone.

On a day whilst the sun shines and so many are gearing up to watch the Royal Wedding it is quite sad reading your posting Tilly from Sussex.

Of course I think it fair to say life for any one of us is never perfect all the while,we all have our various ups and downs with some folk well and truly being inundated with difficulties within the family,home or whatsoever.
Depression is something many have lurking somewhere in the ether and it is really I suppose down to each one of us to at least try shake off this veil which can become all too consuming oft times.
Of course all around us families and friends are fully occupied and it can be all too easy to fall into this "Poor me" trap.
I think you really need to give yourself that push.Think of the something you would like to do........as perhaps a new occupation,to learn or just to change your daily circumstances...............even if simply going for a countryside or seaside stroll,breathing in the fresh air and letting your eyes take in the beauty of nature as it shows of its glorious may time blossoms and all else.
Make yourself get out and do that "something" which you can be then quite proud of,having achieved.........even though it be something minute...........it is a beginning and we all have had to start somewhere.

Get out and smell the roses is a famous saying and first place to start picking yourself up and learning lo love life again.

tilly it is horrid to feel so down. This will make you smile though because when I read that you thought everyone had planned a trip this weekend I truly wondered why they would do that. Then I remembered the wedding so at least that is something you can take an interest in and maybe even plan your day around. Organise some nice nibbles and a drink to toast them with if nothing else!
Suffice it to say that there are a good many of us not able to do much whether they are on their own or housebound etc. Not that it makes any difference when that is how you feel of course. As others say, do try to get out and about and take a book or magazine with you to use as a prop. Take your camera and work at getting that perfect photo etc. to give yourself a purpose and something to talk about. As for talking there are therapists about who will allow you to talk things out confidentially and can be accessed through your go.

Tilly, I truely sympathise , as low as you feel please keep going out, a mistake I made was staying in the house because I felt so low x

Do you have a pet? A dog or cat are so lovely to cuddle when you are feeling down.

I do hope you will be able to drag yourself out of the house over the weeken to go for a walk in a nearby park, or the countryside. Spring is such ablovely time of year, the blossoms and flowers can hardly fail to lift your spirits. If you sit on a park bench sooner or later someone may pass by and say hello. Perhaps you could treat yourself to a bunch of lilies or stocks that will perfume your home.

It would be as well to consult your doctor too - a few weeks course of tablets may be all you need to help to pull you out of it, and give you energy to take yourself in hand by joining one or two groups - something sporty like walking, swimming, dancing, yoga, pilates is good for your body, and mabe the WI, a singing or art or book group for your mind. Volunteers are always needed for new mums, housebound people of all ages, the blind, homeless, food banks, and so on. Getting involved can help to make you feel good and help you to meet people and make new friends.

So easy to press Post message instead of Preview!

Thank you all for your sweet words and insights. I will book an appointment with my GP if this persists and I will definitely try to get out of the house this weekend, even if it's just a stroll. Making friends does seem hard as you get older, but it is probably just me feeling stagnant and not pushing myself. I don't like to burden my children either. Well, I definitely feel better for sharing my feelings on here. It really does help to talk!

Try treating yourself. Take yourself out to town and buy yourself something nice; a new perfume, or bubble bath, a luxury box of chocolates, a new lipstick and mascara. Have a manicure, or a pedicure or a facial. A new pair of shoes or some fancy knickers

Have afternoon tea or take in a film. Go swimming or for a walk in a park with an ice cream. Buy a luxury gin and sit in the garden and enjoy that. Whatever you fancy.

I bet you do a lot for other people, so for a chance do something just for yourself.

Another one here, sitting on their own. It is so often lonely, it never entered my head that I would get divorced and , like you, my dd's have their own busy lives. Do speak to your Doctor and tell them how you are feeling. Can you volunteer for something, perhaps the odd morning in a charity shop. I always walk down to the shop every day for my fresh bits, a bottle of milk today, a loaf of bread tomorrow, it just gets me out and you often see someone to have a chat with.
I often wonder, just how many people in this country are alone and lonely

I am not alone but so lonely.
My H has dementia and a stroke 4 weeks ago tipped him over the top.
I brought him home as I was told he needed familiar surroundings, so wrong.
You can get out and finances permitting ,that is what you should do.
At my age (80) I have many friends widowed, the ones who have the best lives are the ones who have put themselves out and about, even if it wasn't their nature and they have struggled but they are the winners, the ones who have stayed at home and felt sorry for themselves are the losers.
After a time people stop asking and giving invites, please help yourself.
I wish I could.

tillysussex I have PM you x

Ann60

Tilly Sussex I m not depressed but I do have a big fight on my hands to make myself do things other than my normal routine It’s hit me this year how hard I am finding making myself do stuff ....I too am on my own and think that plays a big part
If you want to by all means private message me if you want a chat
I think you are not alone at all I reckon there could be a big club of us on here who are a bit lonely or down or finding old age a bit tough

annsixty I was wondering how things are with you and am not surprised you are lonely. Dementia is so isolating for the carer. I was so sorry to learn of the latest as regards your DH's condition and am concerned for you that you seem to be having to manage all this on your own most of the time. Are you at all able to get out with or without friends for a breather away from all your responsibilities to get a break? Do you have anyone who can sit with your DH even for a couple of hours or even to come and be with you? It seems incredible that you are expected to be the full time carer at 80 years of age! Look after yourself as much as you can Ann.

Grannyben I think that there are an amazing number of lonely older people who are very isolated for a number of different reasons. It is good that you get yourself out even if only to the shops each day as it gives you so many different things. Change of scene, exercise, stimulation in what you see and hear and a possibility of company and a chat being just a few of them. Keep on keeping on!

Check to see if there are over 50 MeetUp Groups in your area They meet every week and do loads of different things together to suit everyone’s taste. Also, look at Singles holidays and weekend breaks.

Can’t help with any words of advice for depression but as for being on your own why not look for a day coach trip somewhere, join groups. Volunteer to be a dog walker for people unable to walk their dvos or just, if you are able, go for a walk and a coffee on your own and just enjoy your own company.

Sends hugs and to everyone feeling low today. It is so easy to sink into depression. Please see your GPs if it gets to a stage that you are not getting up or dressed or you are feeling you cannot cope. Do try and do something every day - small steps. Go to the shops or for a walk. Get out in the garden - you and the garden will benefit. Go for a coffee and a cake (spoil yourself if you are not on a diet. Look at your local free paper and join a keep fit class - you will meet people and chat if it is for the over 60s.
Enjoy the Royal Wedding if you are watching Thinking of you all.

It might be tricky to consider today when you have no mo-jo but I suggest you volunteer for something (anything you have a good feeling for).

It will motivate you to get out, you’ll be contributing to something and feel that you are an important part of life again. As an added bonus you’ll almost certainly develop new friends.

I worked alongside a volunteer bureau for years and know from experience that volunteering turns your OWN life round!

Tilly if you can get out and go to a wood and hug a tree I gather than can help. Trees do something and the term tree-hugger, used to laugh at people, is referring to someone who tends to be calm and happy. When we had two dogs we used to go to a local wood and I'd hug a tree when nobody was looking . Sadly one dog died and I can't get out as much now, but I sometimes decide I'm going to hug a tree in the park and if anyone sees I don't care . They have such a variety of types of 'skin' on their trunks. I likes ones my arms just about go around or that are too big for me to reach round.

The advice about sitting on a bench and someone will chat is good and also someone asked if you have a pet. Did you know Guide Dogs for the Blind always need puppy walkers. They look after the pup for the first year and begin the training. The organisation pay for food etc and train you in how to look after the dog. Or a dog from a rescue organisation might make a nice friend if you have no pet.
www.guidedogs.org.uk/how-you-can-help/volunteering-for-guide-dogs/

They also want people to re-home guide dogs when they are about 8 years old and retire.

Just read about your husband, so sorry.
Is there a carers’ support group nearby?
We have a weekly one in our small town.

Tilly and others who are depressed or dipping your toes into depression - it is such a hard place to be and I am sending you love. I've been there more than once and know that depression can be a kind of temptation - this sounds strange, but in my experience it is like wrapping yourself in a big, grey, sad duvet. It kind of numbs you from the world and gives a false 'protection' from it all - it feels like too much to get on with life, and is a place to hide. I don't want to sound unkind - I am saying what I realised about myself. So I found out that I have to pay attention to the depressing thoughts I am only half attending to, and ask myself if they are true. Almost always they are not - or I am giving an unnecessary negative spin to them. Reality is different - I was in a very painful marriage, but came to realise that that pain was not the same as the depression I was experiencing. I could move on from the depression, by lots of things including challenging my thoughts and by stopping crying so much. Also know that it is OK to feel whatever you feel - this is how it is for us all - it is the thoughts and stories which keep us stuck, so check them out and let them go, but allow the feelings to run their course - in the end you will 'digest' them. If and when they return, just follow what you've learnt, and move on again. And again. Don't blame yourself - self blame is just another way to pull ourselves down. What I found hard was to ask for help - easier to ask when you are feeling better, paradoxically. It does help to get out of doors and walk - if possible somewhere natural and beautiful, but walk anyway. Walk even if you think you are too tired. Exercise has been shown to be as good as tablets for mild or moderate depresssion, and doesn't have the side effects of medication.
And find a counsellor, or talk to a friend, or help someone else: do whatever you can to take that first step away from the duvet of depression. It won't always be like this. I wish you well.

Meet Up groups are great ways to get out & go to different places, needs a bit of courage to walk into a strange place on your own but it's well worth it (I speak from experience, Lunch Thursday this week, coffee on Tuesday & next Tuesday a short walk by the sea & coffee & cake to follow, just a few of the activities).

I shall be spending all weekend on my own as usual, DD & family are busy. I was widowed 5 years ago, moved to a new area to be nearer DD. I had to make new friends, it is hard at times but making a bit of an effort to go out, join different activities but I am perfectly capable of going out on my own.

Lots of good suggestions as usual. Enjoy the weather, go for a walk (doesn't have to be far)