Does 'venting your spleen' do any good?

Well I am as is well known a wimp.

But I will confess to venting my spleen only once in my life. That was at my sister. I do not need to go into details but it was very traumatic both for me and her I think. However one of the issues I was most worried about was resolved which in effect was influencing everything else, so it did work but at a great personal -at the time -cost.
It took about a year for us to be comfortable with each other again.

I think most of you know that I use the forum to rant about D's estranged husband. I've never "vented my spleen" over this (or anything else, that I can remember) in RL but just ranting about his treatment of D to all of you makes me feel a whole lot better.

I think venting in the manner mentioned is supposed to be cathartic, so once you've vented you should be on the road to recovery from whatever angst was eating you, I would have thought. If one repeatedly sounds off on a particular subject I think it can be seen as corrosive, bitter, and unforgiving.

Not talking about the sort you mentioned nina.

thatbags

Maybe there's a difference between venting on a public forum, and with the person who is actually upsetting you?
Like you,*Anya*, thank goodness I don't have this depth of hatred or bitterness, too placid in fact.

I've only 'vented my spleen' once. A cousin was behaving in a wholly unacceptable way to my mum. There was an almighty shouting match, the air was cleared, a problem was stopped from becoming insurmountable and when it was over, it was over. The subject has never been mentioned again and the relationship is stronger than ever.
I don't hate my cousin, there's no bitterness, but I wasn't prepared to sit back and watch her upset my seriously ill mum repeatedly!

As this is a public forum and can be accessed by 'outsiders', I would be very wary about venting my spleen - if I had any - where I might be identified. However, I do agree with you, Anya about the venting. When it's over, that should be it. If it goes on and on, it ceases to be venting, because the very word is a metaphor for letting go of harmful emotions and grudges.

I think it depends on what the vented spleen is indicative of. An explosion when an individual event has driven you to it and once the spleen is vented you feel better and there is no collateral damage is probably cathartic all round.

At one point DD had a long running dispute with British Gas after a frustrating phone call with them she would ring me and vent her spleen about BG and its employees, once she had done this she felt better and I was unharmed. However I had a friend who tended to indulge in personal abuse when she exploded. She did this to me once. I understood the circumstances that engendered her explosion, but the nature of the explosion with its abuse of me and my family, even though followed by an apology, cast a shadow on our relationship for sometime.

The other form of venting, when the venting happens at intervals and does not seem to bring other than short term can be a sign of a long simmering internal rage that doesn't go away and that can be a cause of ill health.

I think if one is assertive and not aggressive it can be very cathartic for some people, but as others have said, that should then be an end to it. Otherwise it may become a sort of never-ending rehearsal of woes that has the opposite effect to dispersing the feelings of anger and/or upset; resulting in endless simmering.

I am really in two minds over this. Part of me feels emotions are often better out than in, especially to close friends who may sympathise, or say "get a grip". It is destructive to let anger it hurt fester away inside, but on the other hand, once articulated, it can be hard to take back what has been said. There have been occasions when I have felt slighted/overlooked/neglected (a memorable Mothers Day some years ago) but I bit my tongue and said nothing. Fortunately ...... as on that occasion a surprise lunch had been planned and all 3 DDs turned up on the doorstep with flowers, fizz etc while I was sulking and contemplating harsh words.
Close thing. So vent if you must, but be careful who to and don't make matters worse.

I don't vent much but when I do lose it I really explode. I think gransnet serves a useful purpose in allowing one to vent in safety. Of course, I vent to dh on a regular basis about stuff (newly discovered Mum stuff at the moment!) but he can only take so much! And, like nina, I vent on gn about the Idiot.

I think that the above ramble has led me to conclude that venting to a third person is safest.

For some people it seems to be healthy and, like a cooker pressure, it releases tensions inside. But, to continue the cooking analogy, for others it's more like a magic porridge pot than never empties, just boils away all the time.

This must be harmful for either or both mental and physical health if you are consumed by it, day in and day out.

I will add that I'm not constantly simmering about him it's just when he does something particularly despicable. Once I've let it out on here. He is the last thing on my mind
I agree a constant under current of rage is very bad for you.

Has anybody else trued this? It works for me.

I write an email to the person who is upsetting me. I tell them what they have done and ask them why. I also let them know exactly how much they have upset me and wonder why they feel the need to do such a thing. I'll say every damn thing that is on my mind, and then I read it back.

Then I delete it.

It works better than anything I know.

Nice one! As long as you don't press "Send" by mistake

Yes, Nonnie frequently

Nice one, Nonnie 1.
Apparently the method to avoid embarrassing accidents with emails is:
1. Body of email
2. Subject
3. Recipient

This could avoid the multiple postings going viral which occasionally appear in the press. Also it is a good way of assessing whether you are really saying what you meant to say.

Yes Elrel* him indoors does his emails this way, I must start doing the same.

Getting things off your chest only works if you have a sympathetic listener, therefore a good friend is the best.
If you choose to unload on here there is a very real danger of attracting irritating, annoying and downright unfriendly comments back.

I've rarely had irritating, annoying or downright unfriendly comments when I've 'vented my spleen' on here.

The only person I off load on is my Daughter. She knows all the people that I know, she grew up with most of them. It's no good talking to OH because he can never see a problem, there is always a solution to him.

I have a blog that only I am allowed into. I vent my spleen to my heart's content and know that unless something catastrophic happens, only I am privy to whatever is bothering me.
Otherwise, I'm a complete wimp. I'd rather roll over and expose my jugular than go for it... It means that I have been at the receiving end of too many attacks; but that is me.