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Welcome to the *Gransnet Café. This is a non-judgemental space for you to pop in for a cuppa with some virtual friends, seek out advice for a particular problem, or share an update on your life - important or trivial. Feel free to have your say and chat about your day, but please leave any arguments at the door. If you're struggling to find someone to talk to in real life, or are simply looking for a bit of a chat, this is the place for you.

help!

(5 Posts)
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rama Sun 30-Jul-17 14:11:44

my sons wife bullies him too much and both my husband and i are broken seeing him miserable .the problem is he is very quiet and timid and allows her to harass him and never retaliates or stands up to her
we are unable to even talk to her as she becomes very angry and taunts him if we speak on his behalf
she appears to be mentally ill -one of my friends in the NHS says she has narcissistic personality disorder and this affliction is dreaded even by the nurses
he is our only son and my husband has become very depressed seeing that he is unable to fend for himself
i dont want to interfere in their marriage but please how do i tell him weare there for him ?he has stopped talking to us as he did before marriage but we can sense he feels troubled and trapped
will be grateful for any advice
deeply grateful to have found Gransnet-and you all my friends

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Imperfect27 Sun 30-Jul-17 14:27:43

Golly rama, how difficult for you all to navigate this territory. I can only theorise on how I would try to help, if in this situation. It sounds like emotional abuse and if it is, then 'loyalty' or shame might be keeping your son quiet. Sometimes people find themselves bullied into silence just to 'keep the peace'.

What came to mind first is opening lines of communication with your son that show you care for him AND his wife, - that you value her as his partner and want to support them both. In that framework, I think I might then say something like ''Please do not think I am being critical, but I have noticed that sometimes ....... speaks as if she is upset with you. Is SHE okay? Are you okay?''

Seems to me that he needs to hear somehow that this behaviour is not reasonable and doesn't need to be accepted.

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rama Sun 06-Aug-17 13:39:24

thank you imperfect 27 -appreciate your observations yes i will include her next time and speak as you advised .have been trying to communicate for the past 1 and a half yrs since their marriage -will you believe this?she has never spoken on the phone even when i tried to -then i gave up trying to talk to her
my son does seem afraid of her and mental illness runs in her family .please continue to speak to me please gransnet is my safe harbour

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JaneD3 Mon 14-Aug-17 10:17:20

Rama I feel for you. No advice I am afraid but hugs and flowers

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Anniebach Mon 14-Aug-17 10:28:36

If she has been diagnosed with this mental disorder suggest he contacts a mental health organisation who will advise how to cope with his wife's illness. You could also get advice,

Mental illness is hell for the sufferer and for the family .

I am so sorry for you x

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