How do I cope?

Oh dear I’m sorry that you’re so sad, but she’s just ACROSS town many of us on here have our grandkids the other side of the world !!
Please stop thinking it’s the end of your life and start looking how to fill it with other things you re still going to be very very close, so you’re one lucky lady.. nothing could be worse for your daughter and granddaughter than you being so clingy
only you can change it, no one can do it for you and you have to stop putting so much pressure on them
Do you work, have a husband, have friends, hobbies ? If so you heed to have a big push at them if you don’t then you need to find all these other outlets for your life and energy and mental health if you sit moping because they ve moved a few miles away you are going to be NO use to them or yourself

Stop putting this awful pressure on your daughter and grandchild everyone has to be free to go where they want and make their own decisions Sorry if I sound hard but you really need to give your head a wobble.

I’m pleased you answered before me BB. In the absence of any unmentioned health problems, my ‘advice’ to the OP was going to be ‘pull yourself together!’
There’s a life out there to live, you only get one shot at it - go for it and stop living it through your DD and DGD. Surely you didn’t think they’d be there for ever?

I completely agree with both the posts above mine.

I suggest that the OP, finds a quiet spot and cries her eyes out until she can cry no more and washes all her sadness away, then washes her face, has a nice cup of tea and decides what she wants to do next.

I recommend a good walk looking around and and seeing all the spring flowers that are coming out at the moment, a promise of spring and new life. Treat yourself to a bunch of daffs or favouritw chocolate bar, then, when she gets home she can sit down and plan her own new life.

I think the OP is sad because she had her daughter and Grandchild live with her since birth.
It could be she is missing them because the house is so quiet without them.
They are only across the other side of town, you will see them often, but in the mean time you need to think of doing other things, if you don't work, get out and see friends or do something you enjoy.
I don't think it is helpful for posters to say their children live the other side of the world, that is not your reality, and as for pull yourself together, it is wrong to say that. It will take time to get over these feelings but only you can do it. My personnel feeling is you need time to get used to it, and these feelings will pass.

I’ve been in a similar situation, twice, and I don’t know your circumstances, but the first time my daughter left I was genuinely worried about the situation. My daughter had become involved with someone we didn’t know, but we knew enough about to feel concerned, I kept a close eye on things for years without interfering.
The bond won’t be broken, it will just be different.

Sounds very similar to the 'empty nest' feeling when children go off to Uni or whatever. It takes a while to adjust, but then you do and it's fine. It means that time together can be fun time rather than worrying about doing the household chores.

Give yourself time and some space. It will get better and feel 'right' in time.

You will get used to it but it will be awful at first.
The empty nest syndrome hits us all at some stage. You blueeyes are getting a double whammy as both your DD and DGD have left.

My hairdresser told me exactly the same this week. He's had his DD, her partner and DGD with him. He helped them save for a house deposit.
Now he's rattling about in an empty house.

When my 18 year old epileptic daughter and her 3month old baby,with a history of abuse from babies dad left home to live with him,I ŵas distraught,but I worked full time and had a 16year old son at home,I remember the sadness and worry I felt,I empathise with you.
It is a different dynamic to your relationship,change is always inevitable.
Cry your tears in private,it is another stage in theirs and your life sending hugs to you

I don't think it is helpful for posters to say their children live the other side of the world well rafichagran as I was the one that mentioned that, I do think it’s helpful because the one thing * blueyes* has to do is get things in perspective. At the moment nothings in perspective as she’s grieving, but the most useful thing to do is to look at the positives and not the negatives and her huge positive is her family are still very close nearby
Do you have a husband blueyes other children, friends, a job Get in the shower and cry a river let it all wash away then get dressed in your most positive bright clothes and do something for you, especially something out of doors
Then pat yourself on the back that you have a daughter who is strong enough to be making her own way in life just as it should be

Oh dear. Please don’t stress over it, you will come to terms with it and get over it.

Just across town is great.

Just be grateful for the lovely times you’ve already have and think about the lovely times you’ve got ahead of you.

Tell yourself to let go and that your DD and DGD will have such a good time together. Good luck

It’ll soon pass, blueeyes. You’ve been used to having your family there day in, day out, and it’ll feel like a huge wrench at the moment - I confess it did for me each time some of my lot left even after staying just a few months when between houses etc. Going from seeing your granddaughter’s smile every morning to waking up to a quiet house is bound be hard when it’s what you’ve been used to for 2 years, but you’ll soon adjust. And they haven’t gone far, so you’ll see them often.

It must feel very quiet and has left a gap in your life - so you are allowed to feel a bit upset. Assuming that your DD has not left because of some row or is moving into a worrying situation, then it might help you to write down a list of some of the advantages of not having them living with you - I am sure there must be some. Also to formulate a plan about this new phase in your life - what things can you now join in? - what things would you like to do?

If you can see this as a new phase of your life that brings its own opportunities I am sure this will help.

Just to add to the difficulties for those of us with family overseas, the sometimes 11 hour time difference prevents you just contacting when you feel the need.

The other posters are right. This is what happens when you live your life for and through other people. When they are gone you sit about with the main spring gone like a broken clock.

Some of the members here are estranged from children and grandchildren. You have the option to see yours.

You are a person too. Go find yourself.

My first GD ( with my DD) lived with us until 17 months then moved locally....to be honest I was relieved to get our house back to ourselves....I did miss them a bit...it seemed very quiet ....but we soon got into a new routine ....maybe its still early days for you and these feelings will pass

I feel for you.
But look after yourself now. Have some treats. Go out for a walk.
Buy a lipstick.
Take some vitamin D.
Plan something to look forward to.

Luckygirl is spot on, you would be a saint if at times you didn’t despair over the noise/mess/endless clearing up.
The second time they came back to live with us, there were more children and they stayed for three years, when they left they went to a good situation, and of course I missed them, but I consoled myself with a tidy house, quiet evenings and not having to cook for an army every night.
Look for the silver lining.

images.app.goo.gl/fqcXPZBBrNXgc5A79

For you, blueeyes7202

Would it help you to tell us the circumstances of your daughter and granddaughter moving out and where they've gone to?
Hopefully it's a happy story x

With respect OP, your only source of happiness should not come from your daughter and grandchild. That isn't healthy for any of you. If you are widowed or otherwise alone then I really do sympathise with the "empty house" feeling but if you have a husband, please enjoy your time with him. You never know what's round the corner.

This is the problem when grandmothers become so enmeshed in their children's lives. They are performing ever increasing childcare duties for working parents and often sharing a home due to ridiculous housing costs or lack of social housing.

Certainly my experience of grandparents was quite different (I was born in the 1950's). They were people you visited perhaps once a week for Sunday tea. They had no desire to be "second mums" unless unfortunate circumstances prevailed.

Look after yourself OP. Your daughter lives very close by and you will all soon find your routine.

Blueyes, if course you miss them - I understand that but they are not far away - I have to agree with the majority here . Listen - your DD has her own life and you have yours . She is making a life for herself and her daughter , is' nt that what you want? Surely you want a strong independent daughter , that is the goal parents aim for. Please get this in perspective, spread your wings , meet new friends and live your life. You are very fortunate to be able to have your DD and GC close by so will still see them often. I do have some compassion for you but put on a smile and let your DD know how proud you are of her . Good luck.

You can't revolve your life around your daughter and granddaughter and expect them to fill an emotional void for you. That's unfair to you (because you will end up disappointed) and definitely unfair to them as it puts pressure on them to fulfil your needs. Try to enjoy this free time you have - maybe take up a new hobby or do something social to fill your time and maybe make new friends. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your daughter so just enjoy the time you do get with them.

blueeyes7202, my grandson was here until he was ten - mainly cared for by me. Although I thought it was best that he moved in with his mum, yes, I felt quite lost and bereft without him. I was still working, but often forgot that I didn't have to dash home to collect him from the childminder. I had trouble starting dinner, just cooking for me. At the weekends, I struggled in the mornings to get out to walk the dog. It was too quiet without some music on and it took me some time to adjust - but I did.

As others have said so long as they have moved into a good place then be proud you have brought up a strong and independent daughter. It’s okay to miss them and let them know they will be missed but not in a way that makes them feel guilty on starting a new phase in their life.
I was in a similar situation and when they moved out I had a good spring clean, rearranged some rooms and it felt like I was also beginning a new phase in my life.
I have no doubt there will be lots of visits and phone calls for help and advice so you will still be a valued part of their life. As many others have said begin enjoying your time and sit down, pour yourself a glass of wine and relax.

There is only 1 thing on GN that has really shocked me.
The number of people who are estranged from family members.
In real life, I think I only know one such family.

I also rarely do the " there are always people worse off than yourself" type of talk.

But I do think, in this case, that eventually you will be able to see things in more perspective.