My grandchildren don't really know me

my 6 year old GD's other GP live at the other end of the UK ,about 400 miles away,although they do sometimes skype they still send her little letters and she sends notes and drawings back.She loves the postman coming with little suprises for her.Might be something you can try ...mummy "helps" with the letters

I’m in a similar situation - 200 miles away in my case. I don’t like Skype or FaceTime, because like jellybeanjean I don’t like seeing myself (I’m sure I look better than that really!) They do know who I am, and we try to keep in touch by sending postcards, little letters, drawings etc. They are 8 (nearly 9) and 5.

I see them 3 or 4 times a year. I do feel a bit of a pang when I realise how much they see of the other grandparents who live much closer to them - though still an hour or two away. However, they are ten years younger than I am and much more capable of doing babysitting etc, something I never wanted to do. It’s just a different relationship. I cheer myself up by remembering that when I was a child I much preferred the grandmother I didn’t see often to the one who lived near to us.

I think the idea of letters is a good one, children love them, and postcards too.

Letters are such a good idea you can buy such cute writing material for little ones to receive.
I can remember how excited I used to get when a letter arrived for me when I was young letters I got from a penfriend every month or so was the highlight of my life so I'm sure the same would be with your DGDs however young they are.

I think maybe you have to change your expectations.

You might not like to see yourself on Skype and the children may not have much patience but keep it short and sweet. Maybe start at a couple of minutes and work up to something longer.

We have just moved away from our children and grandchildren who we have been very involved with. We realise the onus is on us to keep up the relationship as they are young and their parents busy.

So every other week I send them a different a different postcard each ( I buy them online in bulk and I keep a note of who gets what). At Christmas I bought all of them a pack of cards and gave their mums stamps so they can write back or in the case of the littlest send me drawings.

Every other week I send a pip box ( a letterbox sized postal box) . I pop in a note , sometimes some sweets, sometime something I have found they might like. Just cheap and cheerful stuff. They love it and it gives us something to talk about on Skype.

We also have the children in various combinations during the school holidays which is a delight. It’s easier to have them without their parents. Ours go to bed earlier, sleep later and are generally very different in Nana’s house with Nana’s rules.

I think you can build a good long distance relationship jellybean it just takes work.

NanaandGrampy, where do you get these online bulk postcards? I looked online a while ago and could see nothing suitable.

I have a friend who comes from Canada but has lived here most of her adult life. Her children managed to have a very good long-distance relationship with their Canadian grandparents, in spite of only occasional visits, perhaps once every couple of years.

Jellybean, please try to accept the situation as it is and do your best with that. Let go of any guilt or resentment if you can, it won't solve anything. Imo, the idea of sending snail mail is great. I'm fortunate enough to live near my grands, but they still enjoy getting a card or note from me in the mail sometimes. Little ones love receiving mail, Iv always noticed.

As for skype, they will probably talk longer as they get older. I know you don't like seeing yourself, but isn't it worth getting to talk to your gc? I don't remember ever seeing myself on ft (haven't used it much though), so maybe that's a better solution? It's great that ds still keeps in touch even though you aren't close. Some ac wouldn't.

When the kids are older, maybe they'll be able to come for some long visits if that would work for you.

I agree with NandG that "you can build a good long distance relationship" with them. It will take time, but I'm sure you'll do it.

Can’t add anything that hasn’t already been said. Good advice.

My little grandsons aged 4 & 2 live on the other side of the world so I felt they didn't know me despite occasional face time calls. However they arrived 3 weeks ago for Christmas and although it's taken longer for the little one to be easier with us both the older one flung his arms round me when he arrived proving he did recognise me. I would Skype/ FT even if it's not often and the bond will develop.

Nana and Grampy' I've just looked pip box on Amazon , as I've never heard of them . What a great idea .Thanks

You’re welcome Atqui , you’d be surprised what you can cram in :-)

Sorry jelly you will miss out on these early years but they will grow up and perhaps be able to come and stay with you a bit when they are older. I think the idea of sending them little letters or things is a good one. Don't worry how you look on Skype it's the contact(even if only a few minutes) that counts. They are still quite young and have a short attention span. It's nothing personal.

My grandsons are a little bit older than your granddaughters, jelly. I don't see them very often because of distance and family duties here. The bond has grown nonetheless. Recently my daughter posted something to me that the younger boy had drawn with a note on the back written by her saying that he was hoping for a postcard or something in return because he felt he didn't get enough post (he is four). Of course I sent a postcard and I've now decided to make sending postcards a Thing for both boys.

This appealed to me more than skype or telephone calls. I describe my phone use as being for calls that are purposeful, making arrangements and things like that, not for chatting. I'm not really comfortable with phone blether. My dad's job sometimes took him to London (we lived in Lancashire). He always sent each of we five kids a postcard. I loved that and I kept all mine.

It is a very hard thing - but you need to think about ways that you can engage the GCs when you are able to get together, especially while they are small.

My DM and I lived in different countries but she always brought a bag of "granny activities" that were just for her and the GCs - books to read, games to play, jigsaws etc. Once it was a bird spotting book and they all stood with noses pressed to the kitchen window to identify what had landed - another time it was a tree and flower spotter book and they went off on "nature walks" around the garden and around the block. She used to take photos of them doing the activities and stick them into cards and send them in the post - they loved this!

When she died a year ago ago all of her GCs, all adults now and living in 3 different countries, all spent a lot of time reminiscing about how much they loved all of the the granny activities.

Well, thank you all for such positive replies. I think the postcard idea is great and I'm going to start that this week. You really are a lovely bunch ??

DD rarely saw her grandparents who lived 300 miles away, but as she grew older they developed a closer relationship and she stayed with them from time to time. She even lived with them for a year while she was at university.

We used to live next door to our grandchildren which, to be honest, was sometimes a bit too close! Then we moved about 100 miles away, and visits to us now involve crossing water, so we only see them every few months. But the children are always excited to see us and even the youngest (18 months) remembers us as if she had seen us yesterday. Visits are usually in the school holidays for just a long weekend or maybe two weeks in the summer. I write to one of my granddaughters (age 8) as she likes writing and receiving letters. We receive photos of them frequently via email or text messages. I realise that the time will come, when visits to ageing grandparents will not be as appealing as spending time with their friends. But I hope we will have built a strong enough bond that they will not forget us and will have happy memories of times spent with us.

Our SGD live far away & although theyre growing up now (nearly 13 & 10 yrs) I have in the past sent small gifts & letters with little pictures & riddles around the outside. Not sure if its been mentioned above, but little girls surely would love to get mail addressed to them, & an occasional little trinket or card of stickers would be sweet. Not anything like lollies though, lol, that would arrive just before dinner, haha

Two of my grandkids were born in NZ so we ve had very limited relationship over the years I see them about every five years we don’t face time or Skype because of the time difference they were in bed when I was up etc we do have a relationship albeit more limited than if they were here ...my grandson isn’t much of a telephone taker and the older girl is usually out but that’s how it is the postcards is a great idea for U.K. it would cost too much to do it regularly to NZ I used to send letters and presents and cards when they were younger and now they know I m here they know who I am and who knows maybe they ll come visiting one day when they want to travel they are close to that age now so we will see

Technology has its advantages, but my DGC (who live 200 miles away) love receiving things through the post. I send postcards, little presents. photographs for anay and every reason and no reason at all.

Both mine are old enough to read, so I send them emails now and again via their parents, as they do not have their own email addresses, heading each email For the attention of (FAO) and their name. I now also get replies.

Some very good tips there - I just joined this group today for some ideas! My grandson is in America and on Sunday my son phoned from the car I think (normal practice!) and then they got GS to say "Hello Granny" which was a lovely surprise as I have had almost no contact with him due to distance and him being so young. (One of my unmarried friends says she won't touch children younger than 3 and I thought that might be OK with the distance) but after hearing him I got to thinking there should be something I can do.

I read somewhere (possibly here) a suggestion to get 2 picture story books and send one to GC and keep one. The can read it to them on Skype and they can follow with own book. Tried it myself but GC still a bit young.

Up to the age of 5 we lived quite along way from my grandparents but they did come to visit. At 5 we moved to Nigeria then onto HK. We visited and stayed with them every 2/3 years. No skype, no telephone.
I loved them and came to stay with them during college holidays. Perhaps you could go and rent a property near them a couple of times a year?