Social query

Personal if you have always asked her as a couple why would it make a difference if she is on her own. Why not ask her and give her the opportunity to accept or reject. It’s going to be painful for her as it is being her first Christmas without him. At least she knows you have through about her. You could say I’ve thinking of invited such and such.

I would still invite her . It’s going to be hard for her , the first Christmas and at least she knows that you’re thinking of her. Was it usually just the four of you or did you invite others ? . If just the four of you , you could mention that the other mutual friends are around during the holidays and that you’re thinking of inviting them .
My mother was the first of her girlfriends to be widowed and she found she got left out of couples things .

Ofcourse you should invite her. You could invite another neighbour as well, just to keep the conversation varied, and cheer her up a bit.

It's so nice that you're thinking of her. I would put it to her - she may be grateful to be just with a couple of friends that can talk about her husband with her, or she may not feel up to being sociable. On the other hand she may prefer having something to take her mind off her loss for a short time.

I would just say something like "Can you make it to ours on (whatever date)? We are looking forward to having a nice chat. We were thinking of inviting (so and so) at the same time, but didn't know if you would prefer it to be just the three of us"

Nicely put.

Speaking from experience I would only have wanted to see the friends I knew well at that time. She may be glad to see you as I was happy to see my oldest friends. Asking someone she isn't close to may be awkward as tears can come unbidden when newly bereaved.

Invite her as you normally would .
Plus think of an excuse to meet up in the New Year ie :
Can I ask a favour of you ?
Can you come to the January sales with me ?
I need some new clothes and I value your opinion .
We could have lunch too .

Thanks all. AreWeThereYet- very well put!

I found, when I was widowed, that many people just couldn't cope with it. So I would definitely invite her with a very open invitation so that it is easy for her to refuse if she can't cope.. she's lucky to have you as a friend..

I too would invite her - but say you totally understand if she feels unable to do it.

Maybe say you would like to remember happier times?

Invite her, it may bring back sad memories of times gone past but she knows you are thinking of her and she is still welcome. Making an easy plan for the New Year is another good plan that someone has suggested it gives her something to look forward .

I am widowed and found that some of my friends that are still a couple don’t invite me round for a drink or suggest a meal out as before . So yes do invite her , she will soon tell you if it’s too difficult. I am also fortunate that I do have lovely friends who do invite me for which I am very grateful.

Yes, do invite her and so sensitive and kind of you to be so considerate of her feelings. It will mean a lot even if it turns out to be too overwhelming for her and she may not be able to manage it, your thoughtfulness will stay with her.

The year I was widowed, I was very hurt by a group of friends deciding to include other halves to our Christmas meet up for the first time ever. It was over 20 years ago, we were just out of our forties and I was the first widow in the group. No bad intentions they just didn't think it through unlike your lovely self Aveline.

Definitely invite her (if your husband has to pop out hint hint that would be even better)
My friends partner died when she was still quite young Two friends invited her along for a weekend break not telling her their partners were going as well, she had a horrible time.

If you don't invite her, that will really "rub it in" that she is now widowed. It will give the impression that you liked her husband, her not so much.
Facing widowhood is hard (I know) but if friendships enjoyed with a spouse are dropped after his/her death, that just adds to the unhappiness.
OF COURSE you should invite her. She doesn't have to accept this time. Invite her again, don't just drop her.

I can’t believe you have to ask!
It would emphasis her bereavement all the more to be “ghosted” by not being included/ invited and believe me, there are many widows on here who will bear out the decline in invitations when they no longer make up an even number.
The “couples” thing should belong in the dark ages of formal dinner parties but all too often doesn’t.
By all means include another friend or two but most of all do not ignore your friend by leaving her out. She needs invitations and company more than ever now.
It would indeed be crass to leave her out and be seen to ignore her.

I don't think there was any suggestion of not inviting her - just a question about whether it might be better to invite others at the same time. That's how I read it anyway.

I think you are being a very thoughtful friend Aveline and I am sure many of us would be wondering what the best thing to do would be. I have to agree with the other posters, though, and offer the invitation. Perhaps hold back for now on asking someone else along, particularly if she doesn’t really know them. That could be saved for another occasion, maybe? I can understand why you think it might be nice to do this, (invite someone else along), but as someone upthread said, maybe your friend might be more comfortable with just you and your DH this time, in case the tears come.
It’s lovely that you are thinking of your friend, so follow your instinct and offer the invitation.

Oh, I’ve just seen you wrote that this other person is a mutual friend? In that case, you could invite the friend too, but perhaps check with your bereaved friend first, to see what she would prefer for this year.

I most certainly wouldn't 'ghost' her! The point of my post was to see whether to just ask her by herself or potentially with a friend. We have a mutual friend who she might be more comfortable coming with. I wouldn't want to ask other friends or neighbours who she wouldn't know. I'm very aware of how bereaved wives can just be dropped. My sister experienced this. I actually contacted her 'friends' secretly and asked them to drop in on her or ask her out but they just feigned being too busy and did nothing.

I think most people understood what you meant Aveline

I agree with Bluebelle, Aveline.

It isn't just bereaved wives, it is divorcees too who are suddenly disinvited form social events with people they have known from schooldays.
Very hurtful.

As a divorcee I know many doors close and you don’t get invited to anything involving couple whether they were friends or not