Now do I make friends in a pandemic?

‘How’ not ‘Now’ ! ?

I am President of a WI and we are welcoming new members at the moment. Although we have our next meeting online, we are hoping to be back in our venue by August. In the meantime we are having a social next week in a pub garden, have two walks planned and have two other small groups meeting in gardens. It would be worth contacting your local group to see what there plans are. Each WI is very different and you might need to visit a few to find a group that suits you - mine is quite a new group so has a very mixed age range from 30 ish to 70 ish, others are much older and meet during the day.

I'm in a similar but somewhat different place. My friends are from teen years, teaching (now retired), and places I used to live - but none lives closer than two hours away. One friend I met in an AOL chat room, "During Divorce" 22 years ago! We all text, email and chat on the phone but I'd like some local friends. My parents are gone. I'm close to my sons and see them, mostly around birthdays and holidays, but they have jobs and SOs to focus on day-to-day , as it should be.

I think the key is finding things to get involved in that are of interest to you. That way, even if you don't meet anyone interesting, at least you're doing something fun or creative or helpful to others. A few years ago I did go to various groups and classes dealing with politics, vegetarianism, swing dance, writing, older singles, etc., hoping to connect to a few people but I think I gave up too soon. My dad died, I got depressed, and a few months later the pandemic hit. I'm planning to make the effort, again, once this current wave has passed.

I'm looking for T'ai chi, animal rescue, creative writing, English country dance and painting opportunities. Crossing my fingers it works this time! Good luck to you!

Whatever you do and join, do not expect to much too soon. It can take a year or so to really feel part of a group. When you join, volunteering to make the coffee or do the washing up, helps tto mak eyou seen as a member of a group.

If any group is cliquey and you feel actively cut out, then move on, but bear in mind the first line of this post.

Excellent advice there from MOnica.

It can be hard to make really close friends in later life, the kind that you can tell and talk about anything but you can get out there to meet people and see what develops. Be ready to make the invitations as well as hoping that others do.

Clearly, activities need to be things that you already enjoy or are open to doing and learning but don’t just think about groups that are going to comprise only or mostly women. Some can be cliquey with well-established friendship circles. A mix of male and female company is better imo. In person meets for activity are starting to get going again. Many are gearing up for September restarts.

Thinking about it, you don’t always have to join things to make friends. Of my three closest local female friends: one served me a coffee in a cafe and we got chatting about the book I was reading; the second works in the village library and we gelled during an event that was happening there; the third I met in a yarn shop when she asked me for some knitting advice. Of my three closest (Platonic) male friends: one I met in a heritage centre where I volunteer; the second I met at a live music event; the third when his dog came over to say hello in the local park.

I think I’m one of life’s networkers. I’ve been on my own for a long time with no family which makes me proactive. If I happen to meet someone in a casual situation and take to them, I’ll ask to swap numbers or give them mine and suggest we meet up for coffee or invite them along to something I’m involved in. I’m also membership secretary for a couple of clubs which is a good way of meeting people.

Smile, say hello and start a conversation is a good mantra.

To be honest, if I met you and liked you I probably wouldn’t do anything to advance the friendship because you have a lot of people in your life already and I’d assume you were busy with your family and not wanting any more.

I think you’ll need to be quite proactive in being the one to start a friendship to make it clear that your open to that and have the time.

Peasblossom. I agree, if I meet someone who seems to have a full family, social, etc. life, I always think they would not have time to fit me in. My instincts have proved to be right.

I would suggest looking online for your nearest National Women's Register group. Because they meet in small groups, in each others homes it is easier to get to know people. Eventually you will also form real friendships with some. Best wishes.

Is that what used to be called 'National Housewives register'?

Infinity2

Excellent advice there from MOnica.

Agreed. !

FindingNemo15

Peasblossom. I agree, if I meet someone who seems to have a full family, social, etc. life, I always think they would not have time to fit me in. My instincts have proved to be right.

Same here . I’d met what I thought be a potential good friend couple years ago before lockdown, through I group I’d gone to , we both got on really well , but found she had a string of other friends and she never seemed to have much time for myself only making plans when other friends were too busy , in the end I’d backed out and left her too it . Felt I wanted to be a good friend not be a ‘ last resort ‘ .

Without giving away too much detail you could ask on the thread for Grans in your area. There are often requests for meets ups here that’s a start.
If you are fit and able you could volunteer in your local area that’s a great way to meet people. As its been said earlier don’t expect too much too soon.

My husband took up crown green bowls and made loads of friends.

Sucy39

Is it possible to be surrounded by family and still feel lonely?
My husband and I basically live in the same house and that’s it. I regularly see and look after my grandson and see my children regularly. I have both parents in their eighties and I also see them regularly as well as my brother, and we are all very close. I really do appreciate how lucky I am with my family and l love them all dearly and enjoy their company. The problem is I have no close friends and don’t know how to go about making any. I’m thinking of joining a choir or the WI but can’t find anything that’s not online only at the moment. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

That’s me! It’s very difficult. I’m not ‘a natural networker’ as someone above said. I’d be too worried about being intrusive. I’ve tried the WI and a walking group but, guess what, family pressures got in the way as always. I’ve kind of accepted now that until my mum is gone and Gkids are a bit older that’s where my life is ?‍♀️ I’ve got everything crossed that my time will come and I’m lucky to have family around. I do get frustrated with it though.

Kali2

Is that what used to be called 'National Housewives register'?

Yes Kali 2 it was originally Housewives Register. I belonged to HR in the late 1960's.

I do miss having a confidante, I have friends, but not deep friendships. Relationships change as we get older, but to have one true friend is priceless.