I’m miffed!

Sometimes it is hard to be the odd one out. Maybe she wants to be there to make sure she is really going! Your quarrel with the leaver is yours & not your friend's. I appreciate that you feel she is being ' disloyal' but all she is doing is going to have a free drink!

I would feel let down by this friend but I would just tell her how I feel and why and then let it go.
You don't want to spoil a long friendship by your own feelings and she obviously doesn't feel the same and will not understand.

Nonnie you left 20 years ago, you friend has remained there , she is only going to a ‘leaving do’ of someone she has worked with for over 20 years and with other colleagues from work. You have been kind to her but surely this is because you like her and not out of pity

There's now't so queer as folk Noname and I could never understand how women behave like this. I suggest you just plod along and continue joining in with any invitation that might arise then ask her the real reason why she attended.

Annie the OP only left this summer after working there for 20 years, that is why she feels so strongly.

Sorry, I meant Noname

I can't see the problem. We all have to get on with people we wouldnt choose as friends and they have been part of the same workforce for a very long time. Going to the leaving do is her choice, that doesn't make her disloyal. Its time you let go of the past. Maybe she just wants a night out and enjoy the company of the other colleagues who will be there.

Maybe, just maybe, things have calmed down since you left and all the remaining work force get along fine.

That's not an accusation. I'm just positing it as a possibility. Life can be weird sometimes.

You don't say if the two women have been unpleasant to your friend over the years, it seems that they haven't.
She has stayed in her job and probably just wants to conform with what everyone else is doing.
If she had stated that she wouldn't be going, it may have put her in the firing line for unpleasantness from the remaining person in the duo.
She could just be afraid of the repercussions.
I can't see that it is a slight against you, I think she just doesn't want to cause waves for herself.

Did you have a leaving do? Did your friend and other work colleagues attend?

Don't automatically assume that she is slighting you by going and having a good time. She is "allowed" to enjoy a night out, even if somone you strongly dislike is going to be the guest of honour. Maybe she is looking forward to it because it means that will be the last time she sees the woman?

Don't take the huff and fall out with your old friend over this. Meet up with her afterwards and hear how it went. You will probably have a good time discussing the woman, picking the event apart and celebrating her departure.

I apologise, I misread the post, so sorry

Thanks for your replies. Yes I did having a leaving do, a wonderful evening attended by over 30 people. By contrast hers is an afternoon gathering for half a dozen people. I suppose that says it all really! I will move on and not become a bitter woman ?

Good for you.
You will enjoy the "post mortem" with your friend.

Maybe she wants to be there to make sure she is really going!
My first thought!
She may have had a slightly different relationship with this woman, or she and other colleagues may have decided to attend for the sake of her working relationship - after all, the second woman will still be her colleague.

I don't think it is a reflection on her relationship with you.

I know how you feel. I can't understand how someone can be friends with me while also having some awful person as a friend.
In this case I suppose you'll have to grin and bear it and maybe have a bitch confidential discussion with your friend later.

But this woman isn't a friend, she's a colleague and not a very popular one by the sounds of it. But sometimes, in the interests of continued good working relationships, these events have to be endured.

Noname's friend may be sitting there at the retirement do thinking 'Hip, hip hurrah, you're on your way' and just making sure that she does.

I cannot see the problem. I attended no end of leaving does, where I had little or no interest in the leaver. One or two I attended just to be sure they really were leaving. I enjoyed the refreshments and the opportunity to chat with work colleagues I did like

Some of the people I liked least attended my leaving does.
Your friend may also be worried about what other people will think if she doesn't go.

I would let it flow over my head in your position. I do not see eye to eye on everything with a lot of my close friends, it doesn't mean I have to cut them if they do something I do not fully agree with.

Your friend might find it awkward not to attend. She still works with the unpleasant woman, who may or may not have been unpleasant to your friend.

I'd let it go. It's not worth having a row over.

You can't agree on everything with friends and the friendship might be dull if you did!

However, I am sorry you're upset.

I attended no end of leaving does
Sometimes the food was great!