Eating habits of nearly 3 year old step grandaughter

It does look trivial, so is there something else behind this?

If sitting at the dining table eating a meal, then I would expect a three year old to attempt to cut her own sausages or have an adult cut them for her.

At a barbecue however, there is nothing more fun than spearing a great big sausage and biting the ends off. I do it myself (after dipping them in tomato sauce). If you called the little one a savage for doing that then I am not surprised they don't want to see you at Christmas.

It sounds as though your disapproval was noticed. If you want them to visit again and can honestly hide your views regarding their child then you need to apologise. You could say that you dont know what came over you and were stressed about something else. That is if this was a one off and out of character for you.

If however you are somebody that likes to express your opinion and disapproval it may be best they do not come and cause a big rift in the family.

Finding fault with the way a 3 year old eats sausages is not just trivial, it's ridiculous and very off-putting. I eat sausages like that at a barbecue - do you think I'm a savage too ?

If you made your disapproval obvious, it's no wonder they don't want to see you at Christmas.

Does it really matter? It's not hurting anybody. She will grow out of it.

BBQs are supposed to be informal affairs, people walk around whilst eating and drinking, not the same as table manners. If adults were having whole sausages, children would expect the same. I think her mother’s attitude was reasonable.

When seeing my grandchildren with their parents doing things with which I wouldn't necessarily agree my mantra which I repeat to myself is if it's not life threatening don't interfere.

I agree Lazigirl. This seems such a minor thing to cause a rift over, do you disapprove of the mother's parenting skills generally stepgranny ?

I really wouldn't worry about this. A barbecue is a casual affair. For one thing, people tend to definitely eat with their fingers, apart from things like coleslaw perhaps.

It would be a different matter at the table, I totally agree. Presumably, if you were having a meal at the table, you would cut up the sausages in advance if the little girl wasn't able to do it herself.

Are you for real?
I note you say your husband's grand daughter and not our grand daughter. Is this how you see the family , his and yours ?
You sound very bitter about something and I don't think it is at all about the way an almost 3years old eats her sausages .
I love to eat a sausage like that but I eat all my sit down meals and use a knife and fork and I expect this 3 year old does too. If any of my family members made a comment like that I think I'd give them what for . Did you say she was like a savage or just think it.

If the child is not even 3, I do think it was OTT to make a fuss about table manners, esp. at a barbecue. I can't say I'm surprised that your DiL doesn't want to come for Christmas, if she thinks you're going to tutting and disapproving over her still very little one's manners.

My Gdcs are 3 1/2 and 2 1/4, and although my family's always been very hot on table manners, I wouldn't think of making a major thing of them at this sort of age. I just want them to enjoy their food.

All you can probably do now is to make it clear that table manners will not be an issue if they do come for Christmas. And then make sure you don't so much as wince or otherwise show silent disapproval.

wow! just wow!

She's 3 and it's a BBQ not a formal meal. If her parents were happy with how she was eating then you need to back off.

Clearly her parents are aware of your feelings and to be quite honest, I'd feel uncomfortable coming to a function at your house after that.

The way you refer to her as your husband granddaughter I don't see as a problem. That's exactly who she is. I don't like it when my husbands step mum and stepdad call my daughter their grandchild as she isn't and has perfectly able and present grandparents in his mum and dad.

The child is 3. She's not your flesh and blood. She's not your responsibility. Either make amends with the parents and enjoy being involved with the family and being a granny or keep back.

I've got 2 biological GDs and 2 stepGSs, and they all call me Mamma, and I treat them all exactly the same...they're just children and all had broken homes. I don't always like certain things any of them do, but it's not my place to say anything.

I wouldn’t expect anyBODY to eat a sausage cut up at a BBQ
What a daft and minor thing to get your knickers in a twist over be glad she was happy to eat it
I really don’t blame them for not joining you for a formal meal if you can make a fuss over such a little thing I would kindly suggest you let the mother decide what’s right and wrong for the little one and eating a whole sausage doesn’t have wrong on its side in my view
If I was you I d eat humble pie and tell the mother you realised you went over the top in your criticism

It seems very silly to have made such a big deal over how a 3 year old eats sausages at an informal bbq - and writing things like "the child looked like a savage eating them" makes you sound very judgmental.

I am married to a Dane where the only proper way to eat sausages is to pick them up with fingers and dunk them in mustard, ketchup and crispy onions!

Some friends of my parents were always disapproving of my children's behaviour when they were young! They had had no children themselves and had very rigid views of how they should behave! Sadly, my children were the closest they would ever have to grandchildren but my DH and I were completely exhausted by the stress of our visits there, the children played up because of the atmosphere and expectations ...so we rarely went!
Your comment "Looked like a savage" is telling ...I suspect your expectations are high and your disapproval palpable and that is why your husbands family are just not willing to engage in that stress! Think on ...this will impact on you and your husbands relationship I suspect and cause much upset!

Relax a bit, enjoy the family time and the children! But first you have to get the family to believe that things will be better!

I had rigid views about how a child should behave.
Then I had a child.

stepgranny, may I ask if you have any grandchildren of your own?

Big deal over a sausage, I would be more worried that a young child was being fed food from a BBQ.

I think the step daughter has now got a very good excuse never to be entertained by you again.
Good for her!!

There is only one way to eat a BBQ'd sausage- one end wrapped in a napkin to hold then dip in whatever sauce you fancy.

I would just be happy the C was eating, my GC are normally to busy playing at family BBQ's.

DIL17 I am just so thankful that my stepdaughter does not hold your views, and regards me as being just as much a grandparent to her son as her own mum and her partners parents. In turn, I regard him as my grandson and love him dearly.

Regarding considering a child as looking like a savage whilst eating, just be thankful said child is not just sweets and junk food.

NonnaW That's fine if your step daughter does, but my husband (who's step parents it is) and I discussed this issue before our DD was born and decided that we didn't think it was appropriate. I think it would have been different if one had passed away, but as they're both alive and well, we didn't want either to feel not good enough.

Their partners are still an important part of our daughter's life, they don't need a designation for that.

MissAdventure Oh yes me too.

Oh how I used to sigh and tut to myself at other people's children - then I had my own..... !

I'm wondering if stepgranny was concerned about the possibility of the child choking. It could happen if a small child tried to cram a large sausage into its mouth.