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Why would a funeral director be complicit in this

(16 Posts)
paddyann Wed 06-Sept-17 15:37:24

“The coffin was light. My son was not there. And again, nobody believed me. Nobody believed me."
40-year campaign to exhume baby's body produces empty coffin
Lydia Reid believed that the remains of her son Gary, who died at the age of seven days, were missing. She has been proved correct
theguardian.com

paddyann Wed 06-Sept-17 15:41:40

What should we expect from the professionals we deal with at times of bereavement? Surely the main thing is they shouldn't lie to us.This poor womans baby died and she says the dead baby she saw wasn't her boy,yet nobody believed her ,she said the coffin was empty and nobody believed her...40 years + and she 's been proven right....Do these things happen more often than we think ? Do we trust too easily

Ilovecheese Wed 06-Sept-17 15:42:02

Probably overawed by the medical establishment. That is the least worst reason I can think of for the funeral directors behaviour.

gillybob Wed 06-Sept-17 16:05:18

It actually makes me feel physically sick thinking about it.

Imperfect27 Wed 06-Sept-17 16:10:33

The compounded burden of loss that Lydia Reid was left to bear over 40 years defies description and there can be no justification for it. I can only think the funeral director was made to feel they were doing a kindness not to reveal that the body was missing. The real reasons may never come to light, but I do feel this is now a 'can of worms' that could potentially open other griefs and instil unnecessary fear. This sort of occurrence, must be very rare.

When my DD died, we could not have been served better for her funeral. The sight of the funeral directors all wearing blue in her honour, their kindness in asking me of I would like the hearse to take a drive around her favourite places en route to the crematorium, the sensitivity with which they arranged things for us in her coffin -- all these things helped so very much.

Very sadly, there will be the occasional time when it all goes terribly wrong and my heart aches for that poor woman and any others who have the same pain.

Luckygirl Wed 06-Sept-17 16:29:28

How very sad - this poor woman.

downtoearth Wed 06-Sept-17 16:30:02

As we approach the birthday of my first daughter who lived 7 weeks, this reminds that parts of my daughter where taken.... to be used for teaching as I was later told....without my permission, this came to light after an investigation by some organisation highlighted this around 2002, I had to apply giving details and received the answer that parts of her where still retained, I then had the choice did I want them returned for burial-she was cremated, or they would keep them and when no longer required would dispose of them sensitively.

downtoearth Wed 06-Sept-17 16:31:29

She died 1978 apparently this happened frequently I was toldangry

paddyann Wed 06-Sept-17 16:36:59

a can of worms is exactly what it opens,when my baby died around that same time my husband was the only person to see her body,he said "she looked like a different baby" and like everyone else I believed it was grief and that in time it would pass.After seeing this he told me he always thought it was a different child he'd seen and that for years he fully expected someone to tell him they had made a mistake and here was our daughter .My heart is aching for him,he hid it from us all and now he doesn't know if theres a chance he may have been right.There will be others like us ,I know from being involved with the Ashes campaign that the distrust of Funeral Directors and Crematorium staff is widespread .This will only compound that .I hope Lydia Reid gets the answers she should have got 40 years ago and that she finally finds some peace .

BlueBelle Wed 06-Sept-17 16:38:13

What could be the reason behind burying an empty coffin I must be dim I can't think of what could be the advantage Had they 'lost' the body, did they never pick a body up ? It's strange because she said the coffin was light but the baby was only 7 days old so would only way a few pounds how would she tell the difference there must have been more to her concern and why has it taken 40 years to get to this stage

paddyann Wed 06-Sept-17 16:45:44

No one believed her when she said it was empty,in fact the babies shawl,a cross and a couple of other items were in the coffin,just no baby .Looks as if they retained him for body parts as described above,lets hope someone can tell her what happened to him,she 's waited long enough to find out

BlueBelle Wed 06-Sept-17 16:58:16

Oh how terrible

Christinefrance Wed 06-Sept-17 17:16:09

Yes I share your concerns BlueBelle but as downtoearth said this happened a lot in years gone by. Babies bodies were not treated with respect and parents feelings were not considered either. Not sure if money was an issue as well. All very sad.

lemongrove Wed 06-Sept-17 18:05:59

Shocking isn't it? This happened a lot, retaining bodies for medical research without telling parents.Wasn't Liverpool Alder Hey involved heavily in this ?
The fact is, that even when hospitals told parents that they would deal with the funeral/cremation, a lot of the time they did not.Most parents will never know what happened.

lemongrove Wed 06-Sept-17 18:06:35

That should read Liverpool Alder Hey Hospital.

MinniesMum Thu 07-Sept-17 10:34:11

My first baby was a "blue" baby and only lived for 24 hours. Long enough to be christened and named Andrew. We went to the undertakers the day before the funeral just as they were about to seal the lid down so we know he was there. 1st April 1966 - what was worse, when I came home from the hospital we found that the cat had given birth to four kittens in the airing cupboard with no fuss whatsoever. We kept one of the kittens so at least I had something to cuddle. That poor woman - I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face. Just awful.