What happens does anyone know?

Have you made a will with your instructions (Yorkshiregirl)? I think the hospital will only pass your remains on to the funeral director who is managing your funeral. So whoever is organising it should be informed of your wishes.
You could arrange the funeral yourself of course but I think you would have to pay for this in advance. Sorry if that isn't much help.

And you'll obviously have to discuss things with your sister, as she might now have different views regarding her own ashes.

What kind of donor card is it? organs or whole body.Organ donation card is irrelevant as they will be removed and your body returned to family/next of kin. If you are donating your body to science, speak to the hospital you are donating it to. They will have a system for dealing with remains.

The best thing to do is to arrange and pay for your funeral up front and give the funeral director clear instructions as what is to be done with remains, including scattering the ashes. He will charge accordingly, but at least all is done and dusted and once your body, or parts of it, are returned to the undertaker, he will obay your written instructions.

If your DH wants to be buried with his family then you must just grit your teeth and go ahead with it. You have made very determined decisions about how you wish your remains to be dealt with and want to make sure they happen. He is entitled to be as clear and as focused in his decisions and equally determined to make sure they happen.

The hospital will not cremate your body. You will be transferred to the funeral directors of your family's choice and from there arrangements will be made for either burial or cremation to take place.

My DD worked with the chaplaincy of University College who received bodies for dissection and anatomy. The remains were sent to funeral directors once a year, they contacted the families. Most of the families were not interested and the bodies tended to be buried [alone, sadly].
It really depends on you - if you have made your preferences clear in your Will, then your executors should take note and carry your wishes out.

Thank you all for your replies. At least now I know what might happen re what is left after my 'bits' have been taken and used for other people. I have not left my body to science, just donated what organs they think they can use.

Of course DH's wishes will be followed to the letter. I just hope mine will be too if I go first. I have put this in my will to try and ensure that they will but as you can see there are now complications.

Anyway, I feel more at ease now after what has been written here. I should have checked first I know, but I am happy with what has been said on here. So thanks again.

My son asked where he should go if I am cremated. I pointed to his heart and his head. He could also visit 'the room with a view' if he wanted. I genuinely think that as long as you talk about, and remember your loved ones after their death they do not completely 'die'.

Yorkshiregel, I'm glad you have derived comfort and information from our replies. It is hard to know what to do for the best, for the ones left behind too.
I quite agree about being talked about etc. Don't forget that if you have offspring, you are still there in their genes!
I think it is important to have some sort of memorial, for those left behind, but also for future generations who may want to see where their great-great... is buried. I have often heard people whose loved ones' ashes were scattered not having somewhere specific to go and talk to them.
Personally, i have no preference, as long as it is cheap and not a nuisance, I really don't care - but one has to think of the people coming after...

Apparently Bob Hope's daughter once asked him, " Dad, when you die do you want to be buried or cremated?" His reply - "I'm not sure, surprise me".

A funeral director advised me of one possible way things could go badly wrong. The person who registers a death gets a form from the registry office. Any family member can do this. The form then allows them to tell a funeral director to do what they want, possibly ignoring what the deceased person wanted. One way this has been used is if a family dislike the surviving spouse. They can arrange a private funeral and not notify the spouse.

Oh MaryXVX, do come here and have a cuddle! The world isn't really looking for ways to spite you, you know!

We are leaving full written instructions for our children from hymns, venue for the cremation, the 'wake' funeral directors etc. We will keep the ashes together and then scatter both at our favourite beach at Holkham with a picnic after for the family. We're also going to arrange funds for a yearly beach picnic at the spot for all the family and grandchildren. We don't want death to be seen as an end but a new beginning and at least there will be somewhere to go and gain comfort in the years to come for them.
I was very annoyed when my stepmother scattered my dads ashes in her back garden. She has now moved so nowhere for me to visit and 'chat' with dad.

That's such a nice idea RosieI might pinch it though the venue would be different.

I said to DD that I would like my body to do something useful, circle of life and all that. She said she would like me to be buried so that she could come and chat to me. I replied I would be lying there waiting tapping my fingers (bones) waiting.

I used to tease my children by finding out various funeral customs of different countries.
My two favourites were and Italian [probably Apennines] peasants who buried their dead with a walnut in their mouths - they got a terrific tree out of those...
The other is a Polish custom that the old women were buried on the tops of their kitchen tables.
Needless to say, the family roared with laughter and told me that i wouldn't be there to know what they were doing with my remains!

My husband wants his ashes to be chucked off a hill he remembers fondly from his childhood. I've already told him that if I outlive him and I'm too old to do this I'll chuck him at the bottom he's not going to care!

GrandMattie thanks for making me think about marking where you're buried for future generations. It's never crossed my mind before but i've been doing a bit of genealogy recently and would love to go and see where my great great nans and grandads are buried. Loved your wicked take on others' burial customs too lol!

My OH was posted to Madagascar. There they dig up their dead relatives each year and if there are any bones missing they have been known to pinch them from somewhere else! Once the bones have been cleaned and checked they are wrapped up in a blanket and paraded through the streets. They make a kind of carnival out of it.

Each to his own. :-)

My mum's ashes were scattered by the crematorium and we placed an entry in the book of remembrance which was on display each year on her date of death. When my dad died 10 years later the crematorium looked up where mum's ashes were scattered and scattered dad's in the same place. We had matching bronze plaques placed on a large stone memorial book which is directly outside the exit to the crematorium chapel (which is in our local cemetery) so whenever we attend a funeral we always go and say hello.

One of my sisters wants to be cremated and her remains scattered at a certain remote spot on the Yorkshire moors. It is all set out in her will. Last time I visited, she drove up there to show me where it was - a lookout point on a very steep bendy road going from the top of the moors down to a hamlet. I said that by the time she goes I may no longer be driving, so I would have to hire a taxi for a few hours to do it, this would come out of her Estate of course (if anything left after nursing home fees).

When my DH died we had his ashes buried at the Crematorium & have a note of where they are - he always said he didn't want a gravestone for people to visit so he would have been happy with the arrangements. I have since moved to Devon from Somerset after his death & have never returned to the Crematorium.

In my will I have stated that I wish to be Cremated & I will leave it up to my DD to decide what to do with the ashes - I won't be here to care

When my dad died the ashes were left for the crematorium to scatter in their grounds, as no-one thought that there would would be any alternative - this was 1985, we now talk more about these things. Afterwards mum always regretted this, as the crem grounds, though very lush are basically woodland with rhododendrons. My dad loved sunshine, mum said it was all too dark for him.

When mum died, her ashes are buried in a small plot in the graveyard of her church, with a small stone - this has become much more common now. And we went with a suggestion from the vicar. We went to the approx area of the crem grounds where dads ashes were scattered (this is in crem records) and brought some soil from there, to put in with mum's box. Kind of homeopathic essence of dad. Both their names and dates on the stone, so there is a public record. It's surprisingly comforting.

Yorkshiregel I was aghast there for just a brief moment when I read that your OH was posted to Madagascar! My excuse is that it is quite late!

First or second class??

I have asked that my ashes are taken to the top of Vesuvio, and thrown into the crater. To be honest though I cannot see anyone bothering to do that, and by that time I really will neither know nor care I suppose.