Reasons to stay Alive.....

The subject title made my heart leap, and not in a good way.
I am so sorry that you feel that bad.

Mishap I'm sorry that you feel like this. I hope things start to improve for you soon.

I know what you mean Mishap but because I am very aware of the angst and deep utter sorrow that suicide causes, I could never do it. However I often feel that I could sleep, and sleep and sleep.

Oddly enough I went to the churchyard today, (DS2's birthday), and even standing there reading the stone I still struggle to understand "Why"?

I don't know what to say Mishap & phoenix other than I feel for your pain.
A large bouquet of spring to you both and I hope you get some peace of mind x

In bouts of depression I have often thought "what's the point" I am no use to anyone.

Just listened to an interview with Matt Haig on Radio 4 about an hour ago (don't know what programme it was, I was driving). He has such insight into depression and I'm interested in the book after hearing him speak.

Yes - that was where I heard about it - Radio 4's "All in the Mind" - I think that is what it is called. I have just been reading the first couple of chapters and it is good - really insightful.

I am so sorry Mishap that you suffer as you do. I am one of the lucky ones, I imagine - I've had many ups and downs in life as we all do, and various health problems, but I've never suffered from serious bouts of depression. I hope the book helps you - just knowing that someone else understands, has been there and come through it can be so supportive.

Phoenix I cannot begin to imagine your pain. Today must be so difficult for you.

for both of you, and I wish there was some magic I could summon up to give you both some peace.

Phoenix - that is exactly what keeps me here. That and the fact that sometimes, randomly, it goes away. If I knew why then I might be able to bottle it!

The book is very insightful on the subject of the sheer physical nature of the illness and how very ill you can feel.

If I have something in my life, health wise, that comes and goes, I write all the things it might be , each day.
I do that for days and days. Most times a pattern emerges eventually.
Often the cause is due to 2 things happening simultaneously. Hope that helps.

Thank you all for the good wishes, they are appreciated.

I had half an ear on the Matt Haig interview, he struck some chords! Even now, 6 years on, there are times when I feel it very much in a physical way, like a sort of lump or knot in the chest & stomach area.

to you phoenix. And kind thoughts. Be gentle on yourself today.

phoenix I can't imagine what you are going through. As mentioned before, my brother did this (aged 24) many years ago but still when I look at photos, my stomach churns. Nothing compared to a son obviously but the shock of a family suicide is immense.

I wasnt aware of some of this.

There must be more of us on GN who have lost a loved one in this way. The ripples from it seem to go on and on and affect so many. Phoenix today must be especially hard for you and yours. Heartfelt sympathies. Words do not seem enough. ((()))

Phoenix - today is the anniversary of my brother's death. As I said it was a long time ago in the 1970s

However long ago it was, an unexpected death especially still tears at your heart.
My first boyfriend (40+years ago) died aged 21. Even today it hurts.
((Hugs)) to all x

Phoenix and Mishap you are both very brave ladies. You help others far more than you realise.

I second that dustyangel although we all seem to help each other when the chips are down. I can't imagine what you must have gone through Phoenix but my warmest wishes for peace in your heart and mind go out to you and to all who suffer with the dreaded disease of depression. I feel like no one would miss me when I get bad, but even if it's my beloved doggie wanting me beside her at bedtime or my budgies screaming at me for food and a water change, then I am needed and wanted and loved and at the bad times I thank God that I have them to get me through.

I lost my baby brother at 12 hours old, I never even got to see him. I was 14 at the time and the pain never goes away. I go to his grave on his birthday and sit and chat with him, have a drink, spend some time, take roses. It feels inadequate.

Mishap I'm so sorry to hear you are suffering again. This is such a dreadful illness.

Our family has experience of what happened to your DS Phoenix, my thoughts are with you.

for you both.

to all of you who have, or have come in contact with this horrible, horrible 'thing'. Monster. Depression just doesn't cover it. I have been to the edge and seen into the abyss - many years ago, but the memory hasn't left me - and tried to help two of my nearest and dearest as they fought to overcome it. Luckily I lost no one, but came close, so very close.

to both of you. And admiration for the way you keep going in the face of such difficulties.

for all of you who have suffered.

Thanks to all.

I am reading the book and find it interesting, not least because he has an uncanny ability to describe how it really feels and the misery that leads to a sense of desperation. But it is also a positive book - full of ideas and reassurances. And it is full of humour too. Definitely worth a read.