Grandchildren emigrating in February

Facetime and Skype are free and since my daughter moved to New Zealand I actually 'see' more of her than when she was living in the next county. It is hard - I can't deny that, but as the decision has been made try not to let your daughter see how upset you are. Come on here where there are lots of long-distance grans who can give you advice and support.

Thankyou for that.....I know there's skype and FaceTime .......it's the hugs and kisses, their fun and laughter....oh you know just the physicality .....
Always call them " my boys '.......I'm just can't get my head round all the things I'm going to miss.....the elder boy has just got his first loose tooth...will I be there to share the tooth fairy stories ??
Her hubby is a lovely guy but I'm really having resentful thoughts about him taking my family away......how awful is that !!

val4uk my daughter who is also my best friend sometimes talks about emigrating to Australia with her husband as his folks live there and he likes Brisbane when they visit (but she doesn't like Australia!) - so he keeps saying it might happen. As much as it makes my heart go flip-flop (and not in a good way)when she says that, I am resolutely aware that my children have a whole big, happy, life that doesn't include me, and for that I am grateful.

Not saying it isn't hard. And those boys will miss you too. But you will have to find a way of doing your bit to the best of your ability - which is to be pleased for them on their new adventure. Who knows what lies in the future - they may not stay there forever ...

This is a very insightful thread

www.gransnet.com/forums/blogs/1200707-Being-a-long-distance-granny

God only knows how I would cope with that. I am so very sorry for you. No words really. [hugs] love and God bless - them and you. x

I wish I could put my arms round you Val4uk.

I would dread it too. Years ago when I could still use my stepper, I used to do my exercises in front of the tv and watch that programme where the families look to see if they want to emigrate. And then the poor parents would be shown, most trying to hold back the tears, some not managing, some mums openly emotionally blackmailing! I felt for every single one of them and had to stop watching it. I had quite fancied emigrating until I watched that series, but know I couldn't do it to my family.

Valuk - I do feel for you - all those mixed emotions: pleased for their new adventure and that the family will be together countered by knowing how much you will miss being able to hug them and be involved in their lives. It really is a tough one, compounded by the cultural differences between the countries.

Here are some positive thoughts:
- when they or you visit it will be for a longer time than just popping in so you will be able to soak yourself in the delights of your dear GC.
- you can skype
- you can save up little gifts for when they visit
- you can write letters, send photos and jokes
- you will have a slightly different relationship, but doing all these little things will become aspects of grandma that they will look forward to and treasure. They will be your special features in their lives.
- you can pat yourself on the back that your DD has been brought up with a confidence that allows her to take such a big step.

A suggestion: set up things to do/clubs to join/visits to make for the first few weeks after they go - give yourself things to look forward to.

You will deal with it I know - she is your DD and best friend and that will not change.

I've been there and it's heartbreaking Val but they came back, so miracles can happen.

I too am a long distantance gran to both DD and DS and agree totally with Mishap. I skype often and now even the 18mth old asks to skype granny and the 5yr old reads his books to me and shows me the words he needs help with. When we say goodbye there are lots of kisses blown and I have to tell them were they landed.
I do miss the physical contact but as they have never lived here I suppose it is something I have never had except when they or I visit. The important thing is they are all happy with their lives and I am happy that they are happy.
Life throws googlies at us at times but we need to be as positive as we can and endure what we cannot change as best as we can.
for you Valuk.

Valuk I can quite understand how you feel - I too would be very upset.

When you say your daughter and family are "emigrating" to Saudi Arabia, do you mean they are settling there for good? That would be very unusual - most people seem to just work there for a specified contract period.

I would certainly have the same misgivings as you about the lifestyle and I would imagine the difficulties of mixing socially with Saudi Arabians, particularly women. I expect incomers tend to socialise within their own cultural group and the insularity of the whole situation wouldn't appeal to me.

As Anya said, some people go abroad, decide the lifestyle is not for them and eventually return - I hope there is a chance of that in your case.

In the meantime, Mishap has put forward what are, hopefully, some very positive and helpful suggestions - and your daughter has promised to visit regularly.

Thank you all for your helpful and insightful comments. I found them comforting and also reassuring to know I'm not on my own in this situation, that others have found ways to cope.
I'm sure I will....
But there will undoubtedly be many tears to come yet.
Eloethan..... they plan to stay a minimum of 2 years, then it's either America or Australia.
I have always encouraged my children to grab each and every opportunity, travel, experience life and other cultures, so this decision to leave the UK is not surprising. My son ( single ) had a 41/2 yr stint in Australia. He came back, but works in the south.
So it's definitely is mixed emotions.
I want them to go but don't want to lose those precious young years with ' my boys '

Oh Val4uk how very head for you and how painful - I can hear your grief. Hang on to what people with more experience than me have to say, but accept a ((hug))

isn't it awful that loving our family can cause us unbearable pain, and yet we bear it because we love them. I would feel as you do. I can offer no advice but I hope there is some comfort, empathy and support from Gransparents here.

My daughter son in law and grandchildren are emigrating at the end of this month and I am having trouble coping. I am shedding so many tears and cannot come to terms with them going. I lost my brother a couple of years ago and my sister last year and now losing the rest of the family is hard. My husband and I are in our seventies. help !

Yes it is hard but you find ways of accepting it. I concentrated on being very proud of my family for taking on the adventure so that they would not look back and regret the opportunity. I found facebook a great comfort as you can post photos and messages very easily and quickly. Most places are accessible on the internet these days and of course FaceTime and Skype let you see them in real time. Nonetheless it hurts.

Thank you so much for your post. I think it would have been easier if I could understand their reasons, ie job opportunities etc but as they both do not need to work their reason for going is only that they want to live in America. I could not have done that to my parents to cannot understand it. They have a good life here, I know I am being selfish but worry about what will happen when either me or my husband goes. I know also I should not let worries for the future stop me being happy in the present, but I am finding it so hard. I am not normally one to keep breaking down in tears so need to do something to come to terms with it.

At first it feels like you are grieving but eventually you get used to a new regime. I have always believed that children should be free to fly if that is what they want. If they stayed out of guilt they would resent it eventually so try to be happy for them. It isn't fair to make them feel guilty for following their dreams. I know it is hard, I won't pretend otherwise.

This is just about to happen to me and my heart is breaking. My daughter cannot comprehend how I feel and just says to get out of wallowing my own grief and to think of her and her needs! Her husband is flying out before her and she has two small children which she wants help and support with before she goes in a few weeks time. I have gone a little quiet which is to be expected but am still in contact asking how things are going etc. She's now blackmailing me with threats of "damaging relationships " etc if I'm not full on in my help as I have always been. I feel I need to come to terms with the shock and the grief.

*findinghelp" I'm sure your daughter does understand that you are upset at their move. However, not helping her at a time when she will be "up to her eyes" in arrangements and preparations, really is unfair. Adult children have to live their own lives, and often this takes them a long distance away - it is part of life and you just need to accept that and make the best of it. Presumably this has not all been arranged in a couple of weeks, and you have had a long time to get used to the idea already.

Your GC need a grandparent who is supportive and enthusiastic about their move.

Sorry if this sounds unsympathetic but it is reality.

There is another thread on here which I started a few years ago asking how others cope when their children emigrate. A lot of good replies.You may wish to have a look at it

The thread is under'relationships'