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Children and death.

(8 Posts)
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Katek Sun 09-Nov-14 18:10:48

Sad morning .... my little GD aged 8 has just realised that daddy is never coming back. She had a total meltdown and my dd has coped with it admirably although it's reduced her to tears as well,

My SIL died very suddenly and unexpectedly last January (2013) following surgery for a herniated disc. He developed a pulmonary embolism and there was nothing that could be done. My dd and DGD were in the hospital at the time, so whilst not actually witnessing things they were in the relatives' room and aware of all that was going on.

My dd has been amazing, an absolute tower of strength for her child, sometimes to the detriment of her own well being. DGD is an only child but has a close bond with her boy cousin of the same age and loves her three aunts and uncles who have been enormously supportive. We are only 20 mins away and have tried to help in any way we can - from the practical (babysitting from me and lots of diy from Grandad) to the emotional. DGD is an exceptionally clever little girl and is working 2 years ahead of her peer group at school. (Imagine a 7 year old in the back seat of the car suddenly launching into a conversation about Roman baths and giving you the correct Latin names for the different pools...! Or conversations about compositions of the atmosphere of various planets) This makes it even more difficult to help her as she has an intellectual maturity which requires answers that emotionally she can't handle.

My dd is struggling just now, forcing herself out to work and DGD is obviously struggling as well. My heart breaks for them both, what more can I do to help?

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Cressida Sun 09-Nov-14 18:23:37

You might find help from Winston's Wish www.winstonswish.org.uk

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chocolatepudding Sun 09-Nov-14 19:03:07

May I suggest contacting Cruse Bereavement Care, see

www.cruse.org.uk/children

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Nelliemoser Sun 09-Nov-14 19:40:05

KateK I was going to say Winston's wish. Maybe your DD needs some help as well, or even both of them together.

I would first talk to someone on those links to establish what might be available locally before suggesting the idea to your daughter.

I don't know how well such services are spread around the country. Raising false hope mights not be helpful.

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suevie34 Sun 09-Nov-14 20:13:40

KateK, there is also a very good charity called Jigsaw that works with children who have suffered a bereavement. They have an interesting website with loads of information that may be helpful. And you will be able find out if they work in your DIL's area.

All the very best, I hope your DD and little GD get support.

Just a word for you. Grandparents need support too, keep chatting and know that we are here for you.

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Katek Mon 10-Nov-14 21:27:28

Thanks all for your helpful suggestions-I'll certainly have a look and see what's available in our area. Thank you Suevie for your kind thoughts - it's been like a triple blow as I grieve for my dd and DGD as well as my SIL. It's been a very difficult time.

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Jane10 Tue 11-Nov-14 09:41:02

No panacea to offer. There is none for such sad bereavement. I would say that keeping talking about your SIL now and over the years is helpful. The old days when people just avoided the subject must have been so confusing and distressing for children. Talk about him, what he wore, his little jokes or turns of phrase, favourite TV programmes etc etc etc . If your little GD asks questions answer them. Maybe agree some key responses with your DD so you don't give different answers to the same question. Nothing hidden though. Very best wishes for now and the future -at least they have you flowers

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granjura Tue 11-Nov-14 12:49:42

KateK- I so hope you, your dd and especially GD will find help out there. I have a GS aged 8, and I cannot bear to even imagine how awful that would be.

I am so glad you are there to support them in so many ways- your being there must be so valuable to them. Don't forget to take care of yourself too. you need to keep your physical and emotional strength to be there for them.

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