the cost of a funeral! £1,000 difference localy.

Depressing for you, but a sensible thing to do........ we are all going to go sometime.

I think we all do need to shop around biker for this service, but sorry to hear you are having to think about it just now.The last funeral I had to organise was in 1997, and for a quite basic service that was £1,000. It must have doubled in price by now.No meal drinks etc was included in that, just the undertakers and crematoriam fees.It can all add up to quite a sum if it's going to be a large funeral.

Sorry to hear you have to go through this bikergran. A friend of mine shopped around Funeral Directors when her mum was getting really poorly- as they were going through financial troubles. She was made to feel really awful by one funeral director in Leics (the big independent one) for asking about prices, etc. He told her she should be ashamed of herself for the lack of respect she was showing her mum- penny pinching on her funeral.
It made her feel sick. She actually went to the Coop and got much better and comforting service, and much better value for money.

Do you know how your OH feels about his (eventual- same for all of us) funeral? Does he want a big send off? I've told OH and my children that when my time comes I want the absolute cheaper coffin without brass handles, silk lining and varnish- the minimum allowed by law. Not just because I think it is a waste, personally (and I know many people feel different about this, and respect that) but also for the environment (expensive exotic wood from rain forest, etc). I wish I could have a cardboard coffin, but they are not allowed here.

Thinking of you

I really ought to do the same, bikergran as I will be the one organizing everything when Mum dies. She has already lived one year longer than expected (when she would put on end of life care) so I can't bury my head in the sand any longer.

My main concern is finding a suitable venue for a 'do' after the funeral as some family members will have to travel a long way. She has moved nursing homes so I can't rely on anywhere that I know locally.

Thankfully, she has a little bit put by in insurance but I will have to watch every penny.

Sorry, bikergran, I meant to add that I'm sorry you have such a depressing task to deal with at the moment.

BT man knocked on the window but he'd got the wrong address

Biker I'm sorry to hear how poorly your DH is becoming. My sister and I looked through a few websites as she wanted to plan her own funeral and, frankly, my BIL was very relieved to let her. The Co-op and many other funeral directors offer a wide range of services including willow, cardboard and wool coffins. The Co-op staff were very kind and ready to deal with anything that came up without charging the earth.

I just had a look round when I saw your post and came across this website with some prices.

www.funeralfriend.co.uk/coffin-prices/

Granjura - the experience of your friend is appalling. Talk about cashing in on others' grief with a nice bit of emotional blackmail!

I have quite strong views about the send-off I want. Above all else I do not want a posh coffin, or pallbearers who no-one knows wearing black, or any funeral director people poncing about in black, or to be made-up and tarted up so that the children do not recognise me when they come to say goodbye..... etc.

Let the sons-in-law do their bit and cart me off - they are strong lads (but come to think of it rather unequal in height - that could be interesting!).

At my Dad's funeral there was a fat woman dressed up in black with a top hat with a long ribbon and high-heeled black shoes click-clacking around and I thought she must be part of the previous funeral (it was at a crem) - but it turned out we were paying for this poncy nonsense that Dad would not have approved of.

I have never worn makeup in my life and if they tart me up the girls will wonder who it is in the coffin!

I want a wicker or willow coffin, and they can be cheaper than cardboard but wouldn't be thought of as cheap.

Mishap I share your sentiments - nothing fancy and no funeral directors hovering with solemn faces, wicker or cardboard, some pretty flowers, a few funny, happy stories and a get-together. Five cousins ranging from 6'0 to 6'5 and my 5'7 BIL carried my sister's coffin. Nothing untoward happened - they just position their arms accordingly, or lean a bit.

Our local undertakers who have been a family business in our small town for about 200yrs, have a good reputation which they want to keep here. They suggested there was no point in buying a fancy coffin for a cremation.

In 2002 The total cost of each of my parents funerals, (within two months ) was just under £2000 for a cremation. A service at a Methodist chapel, service sheets, transport to a Crem about 6 miles away and return to a buffet wake at a local golf club. I have no idea what that equivalent would be now. I tried looking but could not easily find any figures about general inflation over this time.

It's probably time I got rid of all these old papers.

We have a burial ground locally that allows you to do it exactly as you wish, and choose and eventually plant a tree on top of you.

My friends Dad recently died and they had a cardboard coffin - the family attended with flowers picked from the garden and hedgerow - there was no ceremony - just the family present as he was buried. That's for me!. Although I must admit when mentioning it to my son he chuntered on about heavy metals etc Can't win really but I feel it is the best option.

There is a 'green cemetery' near Newport Pagnell which looks very nice and well-maintained. You can choose all sorts of manner of burial, including ashes, and it is all very tastefully done, and much cheaper, I gather.

I had not thought about the possible costs of the disposal of ashes. My sister and I just scattered them in a local wood that is not likely to be built on.

We have both chosen to have our remains donated and have a family memorial service then a gathering afterwards,nothing too grand then at a later date ashes interred at our family plot.

thankyou all and I suppose we should have thought about this a lot earlier and started or tried to put a little aside.but as everyone knows that has had a poorly partner and not been able to work and end up caring for that person, then "putting some aside is very difficult" as other stuff crops up.
As for the Cardboard coffin I will double check tomorrow but I'm sure it is the 100s of pounds!
granjura no we havn't discussed it with OH, he used to laugh and joke about it, but he never actualy discusses it in real life so to speak! he would be mortified if he thought I had been to one! let alone two funeral homes! it would bring it home to him that he may not get better, its not like he has cancer or something where there is some kind of end if you know what I mean.....he could go tonight/tomorrow/2 months/12 months we just don't know..but whenever it is I must be prepared and don't want to be running round like headless chicken when the time does come.But funds are going to be a problem hence I need to suss out so to speak.
The first funeral home where it was the owners, did make me feel like I was a sort of looking for the "cheap as chips funeral was her remark" I didn't like her at all although they come recommended, but at the end of the day if they are £1,000 cheaper!! you really don't realise until you start delving asking questions etc..like you can do your own flowers/print your own memorian cards/order of service etc, the lady said that a lot of people because they just didn't have the money were just sort of washing their hands of the person and the council were having to sort it! I went to what they would call a "paupers" funeral in days gone by..it was truly awful! 5 mins in the chapel muttering about someone he had never met..then more or less frogmarched down to the grave! it was really over n done with in less than 15 mins.! maybe that's not how it goes for all of those kind of funerals. But I know that it needs sorted and then putting away for that day! once things are sorted then we can forget for a while..

when thanks for the link I will take a look now before bed...

I hope that you all find the time and moment to "start arranging things"! it isn't pleasant, but when the time comes it will save you all a lot of heartache and also you will be "putting things in place" whilst you have a clear head if that makes sense, I cannot imagine trying to sort all this when you are dealing with a bereavement at the same time, if you can manage to make a start and be clear what you want, then no one (not that they would)!! take advantage of you when the time comes, but lets face it Funeral places are just the same as other businesses! they are there to make a profit and run a business family firm or not.They can talk you into things that you don't really need or want...like for instance if you choose to have a closed coffin then you don't need the embarming(which actualy you don't get the choice with the "simple/basic" funeral )I was looking at....you had to have a closed coffin it was part of the deal.Also do you know it is cheaper to have an early morning funeral than a middle of the day one! and if you don't want/need a minister you or your family can do the readings etc if you feel that you could do it.

I've been to two funerals this month and both had wicker caskets which looked so very attractive with some flowers on the top - not wreaths. I don't know the cost but this would be my choice as it doesn't look as stark as an ordinary coffin.

I can't remember the costs of my parents' funerals but the Funeral Director was a woman and fantastic - very helpful indeed and I didn't feel pressured into doing anything I didn't want (I'm an only child). Fortunately Dad had written down what he wanted and Mum had told me her wishes so it was quite straightforward really. I keep changing my mind about my own though so I might have to go with the flow when the time comes and DH hasn't made it clear what he wants either! I think having a Funeral Director you like is important.

I took out a Funeral Plan 10 yrs ago, with Age u.k. for £ 1000.
They promise that this will cover the cost of a Funeral.
I chose a local undertaker, but this can be changed as long as they are part of the scheme.
Does anyone know if this really works.
I would hate my family to be presented with an enormous bill, after me informing them that it is all paid for.

anneey My parents had prepaid funeral plans, not with Age UK, but with a local family firm.
It worked very well as they were a respected business. There was a small amount of money to pay, but I think that was my choice. I can't remember what it was for.

anneey I think maybe you should just check and ring the company up and make sure as to what kind of plan it is,, as in! £1,000 ten yrs ago no doubt paid for a funeral..but from the information I have gathered, I personally cannot find a very simple/basic funeral for less that £2,200

that covers
a cremation (burial is more)
the hearse (no following car)
closed coffin(no viewing no embalming)
a minister
doctors fee
very basic coffin
collecting the person form home/hospital
no flowers/announcments etc

My husband died two and a half years ago, biker. £2200 sounds reasonable to me. Didn't even think about shopping around, just went to the Co-op as we did when both my parents died in 2006.

We have just one funeral plan which will cover whoever decides to use it. It is for £3,000 and we are guaranteed to have the various items we have earmarked, for that amount of money. It is all written down, so there should be no argument, it is through Age Concern. Our son also has one, which was taken out by the organisation which cares for him. He wishes to be buried, which is a little more expensive I believe, but there again, it has all been taken care of within our lifetime, so we know that decision has been made and will be kept to, when the time comes, and we no doubt shall not longer be around.

I arranged my sisters funeral last year and it cost just over £3000 for all the things that bikergran said and an extra car. We went to the same small local company that had done other family funerals and they were marvellous, really kind and helpful including telling me that the cheapest coffin was the one most people used.
My in laws in Portugal took out an international funeral plan some years ago and I think it cost about 3000 euros for both of them. It was used 3 years ago when my sister in law died and the family found it much easier having everything taken care of. It will still cover BiL's funeral when the time comes.