Words and phrases that drive you mad

"Lessons will be learned" especially when the situation/incident was eminently predictable in the first place and could have been prevented with a little common sense.

"Don't mean to be rude....." (followed by a tirade of abuse)
"Well I speak as I find/like to be honest" - ditto

"Basically"
".......what I call....."
"To be honest with you....."
"...If you know what I mean"

Meant to addd
"No offence, but......"

Lucyella, you may have to resort to the technique adopted when dealing with children. The first stage is to only give 2 options, for example "would you like steak and chips, or cold dog vomit and mash?" (ok, I admit that might be a tad extreme, but just trying sensible options might make a bit of a start.) Another example, "Would you prefer to go for a walk, or dangle your testicles in the food processor?" Again, I will admit that these are somewhat extreme options, but you probably get the drift.

If giving options doesn't work, then you move on to the "Instructions" or "Orders" phase.

The way you manage this is entirely up to you. Still bearing in mind the "dealing with a child" strategy, you may want to try the "Right , we are going out, if you haven't put your shoes on in five minutes, I'll take you as you are" approach or perhaps favour the "Darling, I do think that we really ought to be on time for the play, as that nice Timothy West would probably like to start and finish on time so he can get home before Prunella Scales locks him out."

I'm just waiting for a womans magazine to offer me a position as an agony aunt.

I fear I might have to wait some time............

Just to add, with regard to the food options mentioned, if he still answers "I don't mind" this proves that he is not listening.

In which case I would advise you to procure a portion of dog vomit, put it on a plate with some mashed potato and then wait for the reaction. Of course, if dog vomit is not available, you could improvise with a jar of baby food and just tell him that it's dogs vomit.

Hope this helps.

Phoenix, sounds good to me why on earth haven't I thought to do this having dealt with my own children in the past. Don't think I could handle the dog vomit though it will have to be the baby food. He has a good sense of humour so will probably just laugh at me but it's worth a try. Thanks.

Phoenix - dominatrix?

phoenix starting from tomorrow I am going to act on the advice you gave Lucyella

Oh anno , now there's a thought! As you might know I've been job hunting for months now, that may be the answer!

Two possible problems come to mind, the first being that living in a smallish village there might be A) A limited demand. or B) A lot of gossip!

Actually, when I did my first few live radio interviews it was suggested that I have the sort of voice that could do well on those chat line things!

An interesting career move, phoenix. I seem to remember a dominatrix doing a good trade in Midsomer Murders, so being in a small village might be no bar.

With my cellulite!

As already said, Basically is a word that I hate, and the expression "at this moment in time", why not say "now"?