Grandkids

Continue to say no
They are the parents, it is their responsibility to arrange care of their kids, not to dump that on you

It’s not really their decision to make. I would just be firm and calm and say no.

It is not your job. Explain that you can’t do it, and why. Too many grandparents are wearing themselves out doing their children’s job.

Give them some notice so that they can find other childcare, just say ‘from 1st march I will not be looking after the children‘
Whatever is said in reply repeat the sentence.

It will be an awkward 5-minute conversation but will finish the arrangement.

Believe me I have tried to discuss with them & ranted & raved at them especially as they also wanted me to home board their dog when they want to go away. I did it for 4 nights then knocked that on the head when my D said "Oh! You can do it every time". Not a snowballs chance. All I get is psychology brainwashing from her. She is stressed out & her constant complaining is stressing me out. Get a nanny for your 4 kids was my reply. Feel like moving far far away.

Stand your ground Jinny, and let the psychological brainwashing go over your head.

Lots of parents of young children get stressed out and manage well enough without such great expectations of help and assistance. Your D will be able to so too.

Why must kids scream & fight & non stop touching your stuff. You get told to put it away but why should I when my own when young didn't destroy things. Am feeling a bit sorry for myself I know. Only another 4 hours to go before they go home unless she expects me to cook for the other 2..only tomorrow left to get through which will then be 30 hours done this week!

I would imagine they don't hear what you are saying because it is far cheaper for them to use you than pay childcare fees.

Don't have conversations about it.
State you are unable to continue looking after the children because it is affecting your health and their safety.
Give them a deadline and make sure you are physically not available after that date.

My other D who has no kids yet has said that soon we will go away for a week & leave her to it. My other D also gets put on to help with the kids & she is a hard working teenage cancer nurse & also gets fed up of having her free time taken up with the kids. We do take them out when she is off but U cannot on my own because sil is using my car for work. Won't moan any more honest!!

I was in a similar position 6 years ago when my son asked me to do regular babysitting. I, very politely explained that I was committed to my daughters children 2 to 3 days a week, and I really didn’t have the time or energy to do any more. It wasn’t an easy conversation, but it had to be said. I guess they were a bit miffed at first. But I felt no guilt, because if need be, they had dils parents and could afford to pay for a childminder. I did say I would do the odd babysitting if they were stuck. Also, I was a very nervous driver and I just couldn’t risk having kids in the car. It’s all ok now.

Thanks for listening..Jinny

I think you'll have to book a break away for your husband and self - then you won't be physically there!

That amount of childminding is far too much to expect of you. You'll have to find a way to put a stop to it.

His parents live in Newcastle & hundreds of miles away. So it's just me..hubby & other daughter because D & sil won't pay for childcare.

That is quite long hours the days it's 10 Jinny. Could they not use a nursery or current childminder for some of the time? We are in Scotland and 3 year olds get 30 hours a week school term dates in either nursery or childminder. Slightly less if it's all year. Some 2 year olds are also eligible for some hours. I think there are similar things in rest of UK.

And sil using your car? Take the car away when you have a break - or maybe it should 'break down'

They won't pay for daycare? Lol, that's rich.

That is not your problem.

Oh dear Jinny. I feel for you. Choose a quiet moment to tell your dd calmly that you are both finding things too much and from such and such a week you are no longer willing or able to help out on a regular basis.
You could offer once a week if you think you can manage but I would take the opportunity to give notice to it all. If you are prepared to help as and when ( provided you have no other plans) tell her, otherwise it’s their children and dog/s not yours.
My two small gc are lively/naughty, and after 10 years nice a week we gave notice. We don’t see them as much but life is more peaceful.

Jinny54

My other D who has no kids yet has said that soon we will go away for a week & leave her to it. My other D also gets put on to help with the kids & she is a hard working teenage cancer nurse & also gets fed up of having her free time taken up with the kids. We do take them out when she is off but U cannot on my own because sil is using my car for work. Won't moan any more honest!!

Do you mean you are looking after the children and your car is being used by their father so you can't take them anywhere?
That really is taking the p... I would firstly say no to the car going away then at least you can go out somewhere as it breaks the day up - soft play, parks, woods, beach. Tires them out and is good fun. It's not fair on your other DD either as she has a really tough often emotional job and I take my hat off to her. She needs some time off to herself. Could a family chat be a way to start - eg, it's getting too much at our age, could we reduce the hours, have you considered any free childcare from government, really need the car to take them out as weather improves (if it ever does!) etc?

Once a week

Oh Jinny you moan away! That sounds outrageous. I am constantly astounded by families who demand/ask! for huge amounts of childcare.

Fortunately, my DD's and SIL's all took the responsibility when their babies came along. I was working FT and. made it casually known that I wasn't retiring to take on childcare but I needn't have worried as nursery places were swiftly organised. I occasionally do have the GC if their too poorly for school - they're all way past the nursery stage now. Both DD's are of the same mind - their children, their responsibility and their OH's are of the same mind.

Jinny, please do not be bullied into providing childcare, stand your ground, fight your corner - whatever you want to call it - its your life so enjoy it and tell DD to find a nursery. Surely the 3 yr old will qualify for a free place ??

Jinny your daughter and son-in-law are treating you appallingly; this bullying treatment needs to stop.
Being blunt, what would they do if one of you were in hospital?
And how long is the arrangement for your son-in-law using your car supposed to be for?

They need to take responsibility for themselves.
Give them notice, a month at the absolute most. In writing if it's easier than face-to-face.
Then either book yourselves a week away somewhere or failing that simply keep the curtains closed and the doors locked. Do not let them in.

The three year old will qualify for 30 hours early years funding from the term after their third birthday if both parents are working. These hours can be taken at a pre-school, nursery, registered childminder, or a combination of two different settings.

They can use the Tax Free Childcare account to claim a contribution from the government towards any other childcare costs. Basically for every £80 they pay in the government will add £20, giving £100 to use to pay a registered childcare provider.

Best of luck, be strong and please let us know how you get on xx

Jinny54

Wow you are soooo stressed, this isn't good for you whatsoever, you really need to put your point across and explain that you do not look forward to seeing your own GC anymore due to it stressing you out so much ( which is terrible if it has cone to this)
this isn't good for your health by the sounds of it.

Why is it that AC automatically think grandparents will take up the reins of looking after GC for hours/days on end.

My daughter is beyond fantastic at NOT expecting, i don't mean that to come across of gloating, I really do NOT, im just saying how it is for me. If anything it is me who says i will have him/her/them but if i were in your shoes i would most certainly be saying something and if I were met with it building up to an arguing i would blow my top at the disgraceful manner in which it was all expected. I wouldn't have it end of. All taken for granted and none of us want that from our AC.

What do you mean they won’t pay for childcare? They’ll have to if you refuse.

Just tell them you are not doing it. It doesn’t need a conversation because there is nothing to discuss.

My mum helped me a lot but I asked her because I knew she would always say if she couldn’t do something (& she did say no, which meant I didn’t feel guilty asking).