Until it happens to you, no one can understand how hard it is to lose your partner, so many firsts to get through. This time of year is particularly hard as my husband died at Christmas. Be kind to yourself, just take a moment, an hour at a time, it does feel as if its unreal at first, gradually and eventually you will make a different sort of life for yourself but it takes time. All these years later I still miss my husband everyvday whilst now enjoying the life I have. I used to think everyone ekse handled bereavement better than I did as I seemed to stumble through.
Wish you well ILaph.