Daughter pregnant and anxious

I am afraid that beyond being there for her, this is something you cannot do anything about.

If she has a history of anxiety, depression, infertility, pregnancy lost- many women are anxious

Pregnancy is different for everybody

As time passes and her little one starts to make its presence felt she will probably settle down. She is probably just afraid she might lose the baby which is natural in the early days, especially if she took awhile to get pregnant. I was thinking that 6 months isn’t that long,though,many people take much,much longer than that.

Is it an age thing? I have seen friends in their 30's be much more anxious about their pregnancies than those in their early 20's .Just be there to listen and dont dismiss her concerns .I hope it all goes well for them and that her pregnancy is problem free .

Thank you all for your helpful comments, Yes, 6 months is not long really, in the scheme of things. Things haven't been helped by some friends and colleagues seeming to get pregnant right away (although we don't know how long it took them). You're right, paddyann54, in saying age could be a factor. I also wonder whether the wealth of knowledge on the Internet means you're more aware of what could go wrong than previous generations.

I did part 1 midwifery ad was surprised to come home with a healthy baby so not everything was ready. I was 28. Its different for everyone.

I think they are all far too well informed these days and so very aware of all that can go wrong. I remember knowing virtually nothing about pregnancy and sailed along with no expectations of disaster. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Ah I see you've mentioned that. Well, if you can keep her off the internet and the news it will help her mental health I'm sure.

Chestnut, yes, I think this is the case. So much info bombarding young women, day in, day out. Videos, books, articles, magazines.

I have several young friends and family who are currently pregnant or have given birth recently, and they are all so stressed out, and worried sick. One has just had a 'gentle' Ceasarian, as she calls it. For no medical reason whatsoever. And another is about to have the same- again, for no medical reason whatsoever. It's hard not to say that a C-Section is NO soft option, and carries lots of dangers too, and certainly discomfort- so you just smile and support. Same about after the baby is born, BF, etc, etc. Off the scale. Not good for them, nor for the baby, but ... it is what it is.

During pregnancy and baby years they should be living in a homely bubble, not worrying about outside influences. I'm sure I was doing just that, I don't remember much about the early 80s. It must be so difficult these days, but they need to resist the temptation to ask Dr Google anything medical, and keep off the news as well.

Maybe as the other factors in your daughter's life seem to be settled and going well, this is an unknown experience that is out of her control and that's why it's worrying her?

For my first pregnancy I wanted to know everything so I could make an educated decision about things if they came up. It's just how I felt comfortable.
I borrowed medical/midwifery textbooks and needed to know the worst/best outcomes for everything.
I found the routine stuff very stressful as it was totally impersonal, a production line.

For my second baby I had independent midwives which was radically different and SO much better.

If it was my daughter I would offer to pay for an independent midwife for her as they will be entirely for her and her baby and will have not only knowledge but that precious commodity, time. You can agree with the midwife what you need - you don't need to book them for the delivery for example... Maybe just an introductory meeting and phone support would be sufficient.

It's the system that is super-stressful. She is not catastrophising - she is simply trying to be prepared.

And no, I don't think it's an age thing, a mental health thing, a "too well informed" thing as others seem to think... I think it's a production line thing. Maybe find a way to ask her if she feels like this? Having independent support was worth every penny to me.

Thinking of you, Delphinium, and hoping your dear daughter has a totally uneventful and straightforward pregnancy and an "ordinary" straightforward birth.

"During pregnancy and baby years they should be living in a homely bubble, not worrying about outside influences."
Information saves lives.
Isolating yourself from the world is not good for anybody

I feel for expectant mothers and new mothers these days. Whereas when ours were coming, and then arrived, there was often an element of “flying by the seat of your pants”. These days, every piece of advice from pregnancy and childbirth to rearing is carved in tablets of stone. No wonder they get stressed. I saw this with my own DD and more recently with other family members. Just be there to soothe her fears and assure her she’ll be absolutely fine.

Hithere

"During pregnancy and baby years they should be living in a homely bubble, not worrying about outside influences."
Information saves lives.
Isolating yourself from the world is not good for anybody

I doubt anyone will be 'isolated from the world' in this day and age, especially if they go to work. But (for instance) it's not healthy to be stressing about awful things on the news about which you can do nothing. Nor it is good to worry about all the things that can go wrong during the pregnancy. Anxiety can actually make you ill. Reading, walking in the park, exercise, and doing all the things we used to do before the media took over will create a healthier and more relaxed mindset.

What is healthy is for every mother decide how she wants to face her new role in the world

For some, your approach may work.
For others, it won't.

If you need to filter the world to manage the anxiety, you need professional help

i think it's right for the mother to be to have as much information and choice as possible.
if she decides to have a c-section, that is her right.

If you need to filter the world to manage the anxiety, you need professional help
I'd better make an appointment then!

Agree welbeck

And how can a mothr bubble at home when she goes to work?

Thank you for this afternoon's posts, much appreciated and food for thought!

welbeck

i think it's right for the mother to be to have as much information and choice as possible.
if she decides to have a c-section, that is her right.

Crazy world- as if a C-section is an 'easy and safe' option !?!

Thanks for popping back Delphinium

welbeck I agree ,my first pregnancy was twins ,one miscarried at 11 weeks and the other was born alive but died 4 days later at 6 months .
After the first loss my consultant was brutally honest about the 2nd twins chances ,So honest that we didn't buy anything ,not as much as a vest ,
We were prepared for the worst but hoped for the best outcome ,The next baby we acted the same ,nothing bought ,no pram ordered ,nothing .
When she was born right on her date my OH and my sister did a mad dash round Mothercare to get all the essentials .

For me Fleur a C section was without a doubt the safe and easy option as I had recurrent pre eclampsia .Normal birth wasn't really an option
Thats the thing isn't it ,no 2 births are the same and its wiser ,in my opinion ,to be aware that things can and do go wrong

Women have the right to choose how they give birth

My first birth - the doctor was an ass and was ignoring my main wish - not to perform a routine episiotomy to speed up the delivery (my obgyn said it was outdated and it wasn't done anymore unless absolutely needed, she supported me on that)

The obgyn at the hospital said he would do that no matter what so I couldn't trust him

What else would he do without my consent or knowledge?
Obstetricians violence does exist and I was not going to be a victim of it

I chose csection and I am still happy to this day - it was the right call for me and my baby

Birth wouldnt have gone right with the amount of stress I was under

My second birth was vbac- because I had more confidence on my medical team