Friends condoning affair.

Sago, you are not being unreasonable and right to feel sorry for his wife and family.
What kind of man betrays like that? As for my opinion of the mutal friend, my words are unprintable.

As someone that knows what it’s like to be the wife of someone having an affair no, it isn’t. When I was in a singles group after my divorce, we often used to say to each other that we couldn’t understand how a man could fall in love with someone that was prepared to have an affair with someone who had a wife and children .

He’s a cheat whether he’s 20 or 70 and your friends a fool
My cousins wife met her new husband sitting in the hospital with their respective dying spouses Maybe they didn’t do anything till they died, maybe they did but they married very soon after, and I felt it was very disrespectful to my cousin and could never really feel any nice feelings towards her
It’s one thing if it’s an open marriage or both are cheating but for one to be left at home thinking they have a strong marriage is just nasty

Sago - no you are not being unreasonable. That’s dreadful behaviour from both these people. The potential real pain and distress can’t be over estimated.
What a shoddy way to treat your wife and family. I’d be surprised if this is the first time he’s betrayed his wife and family

I’m in the 3rd year since my husband died. He remains the one I love and always will.

A woman taking an active part in ruining a family is never okay. Its selfish, cruel and beyond words. In addiition, a man like that is disgusting.

BlueBelle

He’s a cheat whether he’s 20 or 70 and your friends a fool
My cousins wife met her new husband sitting in the hospital with their respective dying spouses Maybe they didn’t do anything till they died, maybe they did but they married very soon after, and I felt it was very disrespectful to my cousin and could never really feel any nice feelings towards her
It’s one thing if it’s an open marriage or both are cheating but for one to be left at home thinking they have a strong marriage is just nasty

Do you think your cousin would have wanted his wife to be happy? Maybe he wouldn't find it disrespectful at all. His wife and her new husband were obviously there for their partners when they needed them and they've found someone who can understand what they've been through. I hope they are happy.

I wouldn't wish the pain and anguish of the discovery of an affair on my worst enemy. I hope this affair ends before his wife has to suffer that. Mind you, discovery after the affair ended wouldn't be easy to come to terms with either.

It would affect my friendship with someone who thinks it's OK to behave like that.

I also feel acutely sorry for his wife and hope that she doesn't find out .
No doubt he's said that their marriage was over years ago .
Last time ,a guy said that to me I asked him who laundered his immaculately starched and ironed shirt .
And did he go home to a nice clean house with his supper waiting ?

Esmay

I also feel acutely sorry for his wife and hope that she doesn't find out .
No doubt he's said that their marriage was over years ago .
Last time ,a guy said that to me I asked him who laundered his immaculately starched and ironed shirt .
And did he go home to a nice clean house with his supper waiting ?

My husband could iron his own shirts beautifully before he was disabled. As a training sergeant he taught many a young recruit how to do the same.

Well now, I posted a few days ago about being disturbed when I overheard a conversation between two men about one of them lying to his wife about what he was doing.

The overwhelming opinion of the many replies was that it was ok for him to that, if telling her the truth was going to cause trouble and that most marriages involved deception of some kind.

So it’s quite interesting to see people now posting how wrong it is in this case.

Lathyrus3

Well now, I posted a few days ago about being disturbed when I overheard a conversation between two men about one of them lying to his wife about what he was doing.

The overwhelming opinion of the many replies was that it was ok for him to that, if telling her the truth was going to cause trouble and that most marriages involved deception of some kind.

So it’s quite interesting to see people now posting how wrong it is in this case.

I took part in that thread and I did say many married couples tell little white lies. And the post you mention was about a husband lying about playing bowls so he could watch a match without his wife giving him a hard time.
There is a world of difference between that and actually cheating on your wife.
If it was my husband lying about playing bowls I would give him an earful though in all honesty is just good to get him out of the house sometimes so this wouldn’t happen.
But if my husband had an affair I would have to tell him to pack his bags and go.
Sago you are totally reasonable to not find this ok.

All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
The same could be said of marriages.Unfair to condemn when you do not know the participants.

I am always astonished when I hear about the betrayed spouse in a long-standing marriage who claims to have no idea the partner was involved in an affair. As the ex-wife of a serial adulterer I always knew, fought it until finally I gave up.

But there are all sorts of marriages. I knew a group of women where the main topic of conversation was running their husbands down and how they were 'not putting up with that any more, I'd rather have a cup of tea and my bed to myself', (always the master bedroom I noticed) The husbands all seemed decent, kindly men who provided well for their non-working wives and their dogs and their horses and cars and never appeared to seek consolation elsewhere.
Only one wife separated, devastating her husband and children, then discovered unmarried life was, and is, very lonely.

So perhaps there is a reason for this particular man's infidelity; perhaps his wife does know, but doesn't care.

It’s very sad (for his wife and family) and very selfish of both of them!

It won’t end well for anyone and innocents will be hurt along the way!

A friend took a phone call when in her 60’s. The caller told her about a long affair her husband had with the caller’s wife that ended 20 years ago. It caused huge distress amongst adult and grandchildren. The wife started divorce proceedings, feeling what she’d seen as their happy marriage was a sham.
Dreadful thing to do to anyone

Lathyrus3

Well now, I posted a few days ago about being disturbed when I overheard a conversation between two men about one of them lying to his wife about what he was doing.

The overwhelming opinion of the many replies was that it was ok for him to that, if telling her the truth was going to cause trouble and that most marriages involved deception of some kind.

So it’s quite interesting to see people now posting how wrong it is in this case.

Completely different circumstances. A lie is not great, but committed adulteration (time & time again) is just completely different and such a betrayal.

Iam64

Sago - no you are not being unreasonable. That’s dreadful behaviour from both these people. The potential real pain and distress can’t be over estimated.
What a shoddy way to treat your wife and family. I’d be surprised if this is the first time he’s betrayed his wife and family

Cheats and liars these people who commit adultery. They cause so much pain by their selfish behaviour.

Most wives are trusting so it's easy to cheat. My husband always went out with the same friend every week so I got a shock when he called one night to see if husband was OK as he hadn't seen him for months.
Another wife said to me that she didn't mind her husband going to his hobby twice a week as she always knew where he was.A perfect excuse for a cheater.

Sago - you are not being unreasonable nor are you a killjoy. Having experienced the trauma of infidelity, I hate people who treat marriage as a convenience and a financial arrangement. What about the marriage vows ? Makes me sick 🤢
Btw I am not a bitter old woman. I love my single life now.

I hate to say this but I agree with you Easybee it's unpalatable but sometimes not all is what it seems.
Sago's friends are treating it as a bit of a joke though.

No you are not being unreasonable. You are correct, your friends are decidedly not correct and showing their true colours.

Hmm. The trouble with the difference between an Ok lie and deception and a not Ok lie is not the lie but what people are lying about?

I mean f you apply the criteriaIm grad to get him out of the house sometimes - well that could apply whatever he was doing.

Or if you apply doing it over and over again, we’ll that fits the bill for both.

Or to if you say it’s justified because she shouldn’t object to him doing something he enjoys with a person he enjoys being with…..?

So what is it that makes one sort of deception absolutely all right, and another one absolutely all wrong? Sex?

A friend of mine found out her H was cheating when the other woman, another friend of ours, told her.
She was devastated at the time but stayed with him and seemed to shut her eyes to subsequent brief occasions as he was a very high earner, beautiful house , very high standard of living.
They are still together and seemed to be happy, this was over 30 years ago.
He is too old now!!
None of us knew butI don’t know how I would have reacted if I had.
I would never have condoned it but would I have told her?