Retiring and living frugally in money from downsizing after years of stress

If you are having mobility problems now, have you thought of how you are going to get medical attention. Instead of 30k to your ungrateful AC buy a small studio, to rent out until you need something nearer to doctors.

As your children already know your house is for sale then they have plenty of time to sort themselves out without you giving them money. As they have been so unkind to you I don't think I would give them anything. You don't know what might need doing in the cottage or what it might cost so I would be very careful money wise until you're settled in your new home.
I wish you the very best of luck in your new, peaceful life, go for it and enjoy.

go for it! and don't give your children anything - they don't deserve it.
and, personally, I wouldn't leave anything to them in your will either.
my late daughter used to live with me with my granddaughters. one Sunday they left suddenly and didn't leave an address! I only found out by accident that she died 3 years later.
after my daughter's funeral, my son decided to go no contact so I haven't heard from him or his two daughters ever since.
my daughter's two daughters haven't been in touch either so I have no family living near me - i don't count my ex husband as I now dislike him intensely!
but good luck for your future - I hope you live a long and fulfilling life. and please remember you can choose your friends but not your family.

Wishing you the very best of luck in your new adventure! Is it really essential to give your children anything at this stage?

You sound a very kind person. Personally, I wouldn't give such children anything. They may well be asking for more than you are happy to give.

Sounds like you’ve earned the right to do whatever you want, and if moving and renovating your cottage is that then go for it. It sounds like a perfect idea for where you are in life now. As for your adult children the fact that despite their abusive behaviour you are still thinking about them speaks volumes. They are extremely lucky to be given such thoughtfulness. Go and enjoy your new life with all the peace and quiet you obviously deserve. And don’t allow your family to bully you especially with your money. Good luck to you Elaine and enjoy your future peace. 🌹

It sounds like you have had a dreadful time but once you move you will be able to breathe again and that heavy weight will be lifted from your shoulders.
Good luck Elaine, but consider reducing or even splitting the money up for your ungrateful children, because £15,000 coukd burn a hole in their pockets. Suggest you get them to sign a contract, witnessed etc to say this is a one off , final payment.

Hello! Thanks again to all of you for your very helpful replies. Re the vacant property grant - I have completed all the very complex paperwork and am waiting for payment - I started the process tow years ago.
Re giving my children the 15k each - I don't really feel they deserve this at all - but otherwise I think it would be very difficult to get them to leave the family home. 15k is about a year's rent in Ireland - well probably 13k - it gives them a year to save for rent for the following year.
Re my adult children knowing the address of my cottage - they do know it as it's been in the family for so long but they won't travel the 100 miles to see me. They only telephone me if they need something.
I am really looking forward to retiring and living simply and frugally. It's been 10 very difficult years. When I go through the door of the family home, if feel on edge, nauseous, stressed, and really down, when I am away in my cottage - still living in a mobile beside it as it's not finished - I feel relaxed, joyous, fulfilled. When I walk through the door of our family home, my son doesn't speak to me. My daughter only comes out of her room for food - she works - but in the evenings is always in her room. If she speaks to me it's always to complain about her job, how tired she is, the cost of living in Ireland, how hard her studies are. Neither of them would ever ask anything about me, if I need help after forthcoming surgery etc, in any case no practical help was offered. The house is also often in a state and I have to keep asking them to do their share which leads to resentment from them. So looking forward to retiring from all of this.
Re investing - I'm hoping to most of the money into government savings bonds.

sorry that accidentally got attached to Rafichagran

rafichagran

Wishing you well. X

I don't think you should financially reward your childrens disgusting behaviour. If you start, they will endlessly pester for more.

They are adults and need to stand on their own two feet now.

Wishing you all the good things Elaine, hope everything goes well for you and you enjoy some peace in your life.

I would invest the £15k in an isa if you can do that in Ireland and next year the same amount and if you feel you must have the interest paid monthly which you can then transfer to your children. If the cottage has been in your family then surely the children will know where you live. There are ISAS which give 4.4% at the moment.

I'd be very cautious about giving AC money up front from the sale of your house. Maybe consider investing it and at the end of each year give them some if you have had a 'good year' and things are looking good. Changes in some costs can't be predicted! We retired early, not really by choice but because work dried up with COVID. We've been managing on a small occupational pension and had about 7 years to eke out our savings which we have managed so far. As you have some land at your new home maybe get some chickens, eggs are a good food source, love scraps from your veggies and chickens are great characters and will give you a reason to get up in the morning. Growing your own will keep your costs down but we found our biggest costs are council tax, running a car (maybe you won't need one?), and utility bills. You can't do much about the Council tax, but perhaps there are cheaper ways to power and heat the home that you can think of? Entertainment for me has been extensive use of our library service, includes newspapers and magazines, online if you can afford WiFi but if not use the WiFi at the library. Radio is great as TV isn't worth watching most of the time anyway, probably not worth the licence fee tbh.

If you do give them some money,make sure you tie a huge chunk of the remainder in bonds of some kind that are for 1, 2, or 5years that way you can truthfully say you can't help them. Go to your bank or building society for advice on the best thing to do with this money. As others have said it has to last you.

Elaine, you must put yourself first, as a mother you have raised and educated your children. I-hope this cottage has other homes nearby and a village to walk to. You must not be completely cut off because that will make your life much harder. Do not give your children the money yet. Two months rent at most. Get settled in and give yourself time to adjust, once money has gone you cannot get it back.
Let us know hoe you are. Remember the saying, children are all your life because once you have your babies you love and protect them all their lives, you are a small part of theirs..However, they have to be independent of you to manage their own futures. if you don't allow them to do this you are failing them. They are both selfish as the young can be abd need life's lessons,

Go for it, but keep the money to spend, save or invest as you wish. Your children will get what’s left in due course.

My youngest moved 100 miles away to live with her then boyfriend, now happily married with children, it’s really not a difficult distance, but my son moved 5000 miles away!

A friend of mine sold her house a couple of years ago(The house was mortgage free and she realises now it was a stupid thing to do but at the time she wanted to clear some Debt)she gave each of her three children £15,000 and within six months they were back asking her for more.
She lived in caravans for a couple of years and she’s finally got a council flat locally. She’s 64…..(I realise the circumstances are different but basically she ended up with nothing)

Do not give the unkind people who abused you anything at all, even though they are your children. It will backfire, be used against you...you will regret it. You will be berated for anything you do and it will be twisted back on you somehow. [Voice of experience here, believe me].

You need your income for your own life and welfare in the future. Investments go up and down, costs of care only rise. Look after yourself. I repeat look after yourself and your needs and expenses...not 2 very selfish and cruel children who are old enough to stand on their own 2 feet.

I'm assuming your adult children live with you.

I would try to get them on board if you can as you don't want a messy sale situation where they won't leave!

I wouldn’t gift your children anything, it seems to be rewarding bad behaviour, as others have said, bide your time.

However, I wish you well, your new life sounds great!

I would gift them the order of the boot, but if you must give them cash for your own peace of mind, make it £5,000 each not £15,000.
You don’t know at this stage how much you will need for your future.

If it were me, I will be telling the ACs that the 15K is a one off and subject to them not doing anything to sabotage the sale of the family home.

If they do any damage to the property to sabotage the sale, the cost to fix the damage will be taken out of the £15k and they will get the balance.

ElaineMcG47

Lovely to hear all your positive comments. Yes. There are grants up to 70k for properties that have bern vacant for over two years here in Ireland.. Re my adult children appreciating the 15k each, I dont think they will but I dont want to abandon them completely by selling the family home - the 15k each is to transition them. They have been very unkind and even cruel at times, calling me warped, saying I am s shit mother, threatening to cut contact when I needed to move back into the family home, saying really hurtful things and see me cry but still continue to do it. My daughter told serious lies about me that I had beaten her up as a child, I could have list my job. She used to threaten socisl work and I would give her the contact details but she would never csll them. She still trashes my reputation to her friends. The list goes on and on. It broke me inside.

😳I’d definitely give them nowt, ( for now at least) it’s not your problem.
Do you think you owe them? Do you think they are going to be around in your twilight years?
I think you will give them that money, it won’t ever be enough, & you might regret it.
Put on the back burner, if they step up give it them down the line when they have learnt to appreciate you.
Wishing you well.

Silvergirl

I hope you have a long and lovely retirement.

I retired at 60 with a small work pension. I suddenly realised the things I enjoyed most cost nothing ie long walks in nature, reading library books, keeping fit, healthy cooking, talking with friends etc. You deserve it.

👏👏👏👏👏

My heart goes out to you. I hope you get a happy ending to all your sadness.