I do think this is a very difficult situation. I don't think you should be upset with your client, who was trying to do the right thing.
In a similar situation, I listed all the things I had done, with no specific mention of clients, and asked my manager to sign it. Of course, it didn't say to what standard I had worked, but it did at least say what I had been doing.
I think the problem is that references have become rather fraught. I worked with a horrible person whose work I had to constantly check. When she left, she threatened legal action if she didn't have a 'good' reference. A small organisation, or even a larger, but publicly funded one, can't afford to get into such a situation. Even when in the right, with evidence I had collected, my managers felt it would be too expensive. I did personally decline to write the reference, and left it to the managers.
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