When is a favour not a favour.

I have being talking about this with a friend & my daughter recently ... sad as it seems ....you can be too kind & people take advantage ... ignor what he says about doing things cheaper ... also give him much less food ... tell him it has to be distributed fairly , which it does ... he is certainly taking advantage ... also he may beable to afford food which he is taking from desperate people ... charging for jobs ? How many more does he do that with ? He may have good money coming in who knows ... just give him half what he needs/wants ... do you give him an assortment or does he tell you what he wants ... people do take advantage of others kindness

biglouis

On the other hand you could be up front. tell him how you feel and re-negotiate the relationship.

Remind NDN about all the free food you have provided, such that you have saved him a lot of expense. Thereby putting disposable income in his pocket.

#1 You can continue in this way with him repaying you by doing the occasional small domestic job gratis

#2 You can move to a system where you distribute the food elsewhere and pay him for his services as a tradesperson.

Simples.

That would mean the OP was using free food as an instrument of trading. Not at all sure about that.

Biglouis "Those of you who were on about the tax office get a bloody life."

That was me.

In a past life I was a volunteer in a health-related charity, started decades earlier by patients of that disease. There were paid workers, plus a lot of things done by volunteers, one of whom had no transport and sometimes found getting there difficulty getting to the venue, so the organisation paid for an occasional taxi. Then his mobility deteriorated and he needed the taxi more often and eventually every time, while at the same time his help was need more often due to various circumstances. The next audit of the finances was interesting. The auditors seized on the regularly recurring taxi fares, and said it would be classed as employing an extra member of staff, and as him receiving the equivalent of a wage - so it had to stop.

Olio is a brilliant scheme to cut down on food waste. Everyone should have a look at their website/ app before criticising. I regularly give stuff away on Olio that wouldn’t be accepted by foodbanks. Bags of flour, fresh produce from the garden, a couple of surplus frying pans, fancy gift box of loose tea I was never going to use, leftover salads from a party and so on. Volunteers collect bread and pastries from the likes of Tesco and advertise them on the app, anyone can pick them up, it’s all local. Well done OP for volunteering. It’s best to give without expectation of a reciprocal gift, so I’d just continue to employ the best tradesperson for the jobs described and say no thanks to the neighbour. If he requests stuff from the app then he’s entitled to come and collect it.

If you have far more than you can pass on see if theres a soup kitchen local to you who would use things near or on use by dates daily .
I know theres one in Glasgow that feeds not just homeless bt people who are struggling ,they do have perishables available for folk to take away.
I noticed yesterday they have a shop near to Central Station where there will be fresh and frozen food available for collection on Christmas eve so people can fill their freezers for use over Christmas .
I'm fairly sure there will be something similar in other areas .
That might be better than giving food to someone who clearly doesn't appreciate it

I do get tired of the obsession with only giving anything to anyone who is not on their knees - whether it’s a free tv licence, food on its sell-by date or items that people want to clear out. I see ads on my local FB page saying ‘X free to good home. I would like it to go to someone who really needs it, so please message me’. They may as well ask people to beg for whatever it is, and you just know that if it gets passed on again there will be comments about ingratitude and so on.

As has been pointed out, Olio is a recycling scheme - not a charity, and there is no shame in getting food from it. As long as the Lady Bountiful attitude prevails, people will be embarrassed to use charity shops, Freecycle and all the other initiatives that are in place to cut out waste, in case of comments about taking from the needy. That will have a negative impact on the environment and there is no saying that ‘the needy’ will get any more than they do now. At the risk of being accused of politicising the thread, I think that we should have higher taxes so there is no need for the poor to have to ask for crumbs, and everyone should try to pass on or recycle what they can, whether they’need to’ or not.

Re the neighbour, I agree that he should be doing little things like clearing you gutters for nothing - not because you expect it of him, but because he expects it of himself.

On the other hand you could be up front. tell him how you feel and re-negotiate the relationship.

Remind NDN about all the free food you have provided, such that you have saved him a lot of expense. Thereby putting disposable income in his pocket.

#1 You can continue in this way with him repaying you by doing the occasional small domestic job gratis

#2 You can move to a system where you distribute the food elsewhere and pay him for his services as a tradesperson.

Simples.

Jesus would not have lasted long in business. Those of you who commented that the OP got the food for free have not taken account of her time, effort, wear and tear on the vehicle and petrol money to go and collect the supplies. All these elements have a cost. Nothing is really free.

I know of no rule which dictates that a "volunteer" cannot get something back for their efforts. Thos of you who were on about the tax office get a bloody life.

Lord Jesus, teach me to be generous. Teach me to serve as you deserve, To give and not to count the cost, To fight and not to heed the wounds, To labor and not to seek to rest, To give of myself and not ask for a reward, Except the reward of knowing that I am doing your will.

To answer OP’s original question-
I don’t think a favour is a favour if it is done with the expectation of something in return.
OK it’s nice when that happens but what happened to “give but not to count the cost” ?

Grandmabatty

Perhaps the next time he comments on your use of trades, you could say "I don't believe in getting friends to do work on my house. It could make our friendship difficult if something wasn't done correctly and I value your friendship too much to jeopardize it"

That too, Grandmabatty

It would mean there wouldn't be a fall-out.

lemsip

as we shouldn't give to receive I wold continue to pay a tradesman to do my jobs and not employ neighbour at all

Yes, we shouldn't expect anything in return for a favour.

I would employ someone else, but perhaps find a couple of needy families who might really appreciate the food.
You could still give your neighbour some food without keeping him fed so well.

as we shouldn't give to receive I wold continue to pay a tradesman to do my jobs and not employ neighbour at all

Perhaps the next time he comments on your use of trades, you could say "I don't believe in getting friends to do work on my house. It could make our friendship difficult if something wasn't done correctly and I value your friendship too much to jeopardize it"

Thank you Glorianny. I’m shocked the negativity on here and how some people have totally missed the point. Your idea is perfect and just what I need. I’m just never quick enough to come up with the right words at the right time. He also a bit of a ‘bodger’ and I don’t want to pay for a bodged job. But I do give him too much and realise that I am far to good at doing him a favour. I definitely need to negotiate favours in return.

I think I would just rather give away the food to others, and pay him for anything he does.

That puts it on a more business like footing.

Grannygrumps1 firstly congratulations, you seem to be doing something which cuts down on waste and helps feed some people. All the negativity and nit picking on this thread is not justifiable.
As for your problem with the neighbour perhaps you could try bargaining with him next time you have food for him. Something like "I've got £x amount of food here for you. You know that gutter that needs fixing if I give you this would you just do it?"

Is he the only person you can give it to It all sounds very strange You take more than you want and he gets more than he wants so it’s probably still getting wasted
Not really achieving what it was set out to do

My brother’s neighbour worked for a company that put Gusto boxes together for distribution. He would regularly give my DB free food, to the point that he only needed to buy bread and milk. When the neighbour needed a lift DB was going to charge him £10. This man had saved my DB hundreds of pounds. I told DB that I thought he was out of order charging, he dropped it to £5! He did eventually see sense. Maybe the neighbour isn’t equating the two things and just needs a little reminder. How about “thank you for volunteering to clear my gutters, it’s great when neighbours can do favours for each other”. If he questions you say, “I thought you were paying me back for getting you free food”.

Have you ever suggested he do one of these "jobs" and asked him what he would charge? He might well say he wouldn't charge you when it actually came to it. It sounds as if you don't actually know.

Yes Maw…. Sometimes it does cost to redistribute.
But this has really opened my eyes to others attitudes.
I think some people need to learn to say thank you and show a little gratitude.. and after doing many favours for a person. I don’t think it’s bad to expect something occasionally back in return. In future I’m going to ask what someone expects from me. 🤣🤣🤣 no such thing as a free lunch.

Let’s get back to “favours”
Do we necessarily always expect something on return?
Does it cost you anything to “redistribute” Olio leftover food?
Do you want to do it?
Unless you answer “yes” to these, I don’t think you can complain.
By all means you could suggest he does something in return but I would prefer to keep any work around the house or garden or car on a strictly business footing.

I suppose it depends where you are in the country, but personally I would just like to give to those who are in need locally. I already donate to a supermarket food bin.

Olio food can’t be given to food banks as it would be passed it’s use by date….
They don’t have food bank s in the evening after tesco has given it away.

It also isn't a charity, it is just a way for people to share food and other items in order to cut down on waste.