Nasty/ignorant colleague

I had exactly the same when I was at work and I never knew why. She could be downright rude, let the door go in my face even though she saw me coming. I just decided she wasn't worth bothering about. I was always civil to her and if she couldn't be the same that was her problem. When she got married there were whispered huddles sorting out presents, others didn't want to upset me as only myself and another colleague weren't invited. She was upset by it - I wouldn't have wanted to go anyway and didn't contribute.
You can't like everyone you work with but that shouldn't stop you being civil and courteous - she was neither.

Can you introduce yourself to her and say ‘we haven’t had chance to talk much as we always seem to passing. Introduce yourself to her and smile. She may surprise you - even if you say hi to her it’s a start

I find that you ignore the behaviour. It’s got nothing to do with you. You simply say “hello, how are you?” And wait until she responds. If she doesn’t, ask if you’ve done anything to offend? You’d like to get rid of this atmosphere? And then the ball is I. Her court. But simply greet.

Usually when I feel that I’m getting the cold shoulder then other people are too. Ask around, but keep being nice bc you never know what someone has going on at home that they are dealing with.

Nezumi65 - Yes!

The OP is not being ostracised if she has never spoken to her colleague. These are two people who have never spoken to each other. I suspect the colleague has no idea the OP is thinking these things. I would start a conversation and see what happens.

I once had a colleague like this. she was my manager but not well liked generally. I was friendly with everyone and had many friends and I think she was jealous. She tried to put me down on occasions but did it once too often. This was what decided me to retire. I heard things went badly for her when I left as she had no charisma and couldn't manage the personnel work.
Stick at it, be nice to everyone including her. Work hard. Don't try to have conversations with her just smile and say good morning etc.

My my, what interesting replies ?. I’ve not been on for a couple of days and whoosh, lol.

Don’t some posters get worked up with their replies ?. I should have know a post like this brings them out ?.

But…for those who offer support, much appreciated. Thank you.

Kill her with kindness. Say good morning. Smile at her and be overly nice. She won’t know how to react and you’ll baffle her. It shows you don’t care and hopefully it will make you feel better

You seem to have a very low opinion of your colleague Maybe you are giving off vibes Maybe she is shy maybe older women intimidate her.

I'm a fan of the 'charm offensive'. I used to wonder what I had done to make a colleague act coldly towards me, and on realising that I had done nothing and that she was just a rude person, I decided to hand the 'problem' over to her, by giving her a nice smile and brightly wishing her a good morning/afternoon etc whenever I had the chance. It made me feel good because outwardly I was being my usual self, while wickedly enjoying that having to acknowledge my greeting (albeit coldly!) was annoying her immensely!

Rise above it, be the bigger person..........treat her like you would expect to be treated and how you treat everyone else in the team.

It would be good to hear from the OP.

I’ve encountered unexpected/undeserved dislike in workplaces and elsewhere. By nature I’m very open and friendly, so it’s always a shock if I realise someone doesn’t like me. I do tend to ask myself what I’ve done wrong. But I’ve come to realise that everyone isn’t going to like me, I’m obviously just not everyone’s cup of tea. If someone obviously doesn’t want to talk to me, I don’t try to make them!

Have you talked to anyone at work, Eg line manager, about how unhappy this is making you? I agree with the pp who mentioned bullying, ostracising someone is a form of bullying, whatever the reason (if there is one).

Sometimes other people can trigger things from our past relationships. Perhaps you remind the person of someone who treated her badly, it may be an unconscious thing that's she's unaware of herself. Probably nothing to do with you, just a thing like a similar dress or gesture might have triggered a bad memory from the past. She probable hasn't even thought about it consciously, although you think she's trying not to let it show. Hopefully she'll discover the real you one day. I instantly disliked a cousins girlfriend, but I decided to get to know her better and realised I'd misread her anxiety for aloofness. Get on fine now.

Show them a little kindness/friendliness and see how it goes.
Good luck anyway.

I has a similar experience at work years ago, one of the girls was quite shy but she always chatted to the others until one weekend,when we worked together, we were nurses working on the District and had to drive around together, this was a good opportunity to talk, it was a break through as we did get to know one another, and things were fine after that.

I had a colleague who sat right beside me at work. She had long periods of being very pleasant to me then suddenly blanking me for no apparent reason. She would just say "Good morning". "Goodnight" If I spoke to her I'd get short replies or she'd look at me as if I'd 2 heads. I don't know why to this day. I didn't ask her about it. Hard to explain. But if I'd asked her it would have made it a huge drama, (I'd seen her do this with another colleague). I decided just to act normally & get on with my job as it was her problem not mine. To be honest, she was a cold, cow to me. Would speak over me to the others at our desks, excluding me from the conversation. Must have made her feel powerful in some way? The problem was solved by C19! Working from home ?

OP I hope it gets sorted as I truly know how it feels.

This has sent me back to my high school days . I was about 15 & very shy & quiet myself .When I was walking between classes or at lunch time I noticed a younger 13 yr old girl kept giving me dirty looks . I had no idea why & mentioned it to my two friends who then noticed she looked at me every time . Weeks later the girl went to one of my friends & asked what she had done to offend me & she didn’t want any trouble . I was amazed & went back to her & said I had no problem with her & told her I thought she was the one with the problem . It just showed me how my shyness can look to other people & has made me more aware of smiling at people even if I don’t talk .

Are you sure your own lack of confidence (mentioned in your OP) is not clouding your judgment. She may be shy and unsure how to start a conversation with someone who has never spoken to her.

Years ago someone who became a very good friend said she thought I hated her when we first met. I’d just forgotten my glasses and couldn’t see her very well.

I was going to suggest the same as Fleur .Put your brightest smile on ..fake it if you have to ?

Yes, very confrontational. I certainly wouldn’t do that.

And if there wasn't an isuue before, there will be now.

DeeJaysMum

Just catch her next time you go into the kitchen and ask her outright.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to have done to upset you and make you feel the need to not speak to me or even be in the same room as me, would you mind enlightening me please?".

That would sound very confrontational and if there is an issue the other person could easily say, 'Get Lost' or much worse.

Just catch her next time you go into the kitchen and ask her outright.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to have done to upset you and make you feel the need to not speak to me or even be in the same room as me, would you mind enlightening me please?".