Banned from having contact with grandchildren

Jenrev I am going to take this as a genuine thread for now

Can you not see if you have totally opposing views to your daughter and son in law about racism they are going to be very scared to leave the children with you
Personally I think they are going about it the wrong way and it’s cruel to take you away from your grandkids you should see them but only when they are there in the room with you to censor what is said
However I believe rightly or wrongly a lot more has gone from your mouth than what you are telling us I really cannot believe you have been banned from their lives for ever for just saying that protests should be peaceful that’s laughable and doesn’t make sense at all
I think you need to examine if you are a racist or not very very carefully

I have a son, she has cut him off too. His views are similar to mine.

I can honestly say that I have been calm, polite and not said much at all. I have apologised many times. Not because I feel I should but to hopefully repair any damage.

I have examined my self and thoughts very carefully, including with friends, familt and colleagues. Honestly, I am no racist and have friends of different race, all of whom I respect and love.

Jenrev

I can honestly say that I have been calm, polite and not said much at all. I have apologised many times. Not because I feel I should but to hopefully repair any damage.

But if you are only apologising because you want to see the children then it’s not a genuine apology and anyway I think it’s nonsense that you expect us to believe you just said I think protests should be peaceful that really is the biggest load of tosh ever There must have been some really radical messages come across for a loving daughter to have acted so massively
I think you have your head firmly in the sand over this one and need to think hard about what you said and how it was taken

So you, your husband and your son have views that your daughter finds SO offensive as to cut you all off completely and yet you only said ‘Protests should be peaceful’
Come on Jenrev !!!

One day your grandchildren will be old enough to make up their own minds about what contact they want with their grandparents.

My grandmother was in this position because of a family rift which I will not go into. Her contact with me and my sister was limited by what my father considered appropriate. She had to be very careful not to breach the (sometimes nebulous) rules and was advised by her solicitor to tread very carefully.

Children in those days (1950s) were very little supervised compared to todays helecopter parenting. From the age of 10 I began sneaking off to see my grandmother and deliberately lied to my parents as to where I had been after school (sports practice).

When I told my mother I was leaving home I also announced "Im an adult now and over 21. Theres nothing you can do to stop me. I will also be seeing my grandmother every week."

My parents reaped what they sewed.

It sounds to me as though racist opinions have been expressed and, quite rightly, your daughter does not want her children exposed to them. Even if you have not expressed such views in front of the children as yet, her fear is that in time you will.

Jenrev, what are the political views that are so opposed? Are you by any chance a far right agitator, or a one-party communist?

It's not inordinately difficult fro the parents to make fun of Granny's mildly racist ideas.

Children should be thoroughly socialised and this includes learning how to form independent opinions and feelings, by way of meeting a diversity of people and opinions.

The parents are maybe confusing protecting the children and being unkind to Granny. The latter is not a good lesson for the little ones to learn.

I have friends in the US who are Trump supporters that I have cut off, due to the extremity of their beliefs. I would severely limit family contact with racist family members too. There is no room for racism in modern society.

You are obviously free to hold whatever opinions you like, but you've paid a very heavy price for not moving with the times and seeing that attitudes have changed. Sadly, you also didn't understand the depth of their feeling about this in trying to agree to disagree.

Would making a positive step in the direction they support help? Making a financial contribution to BLM? Undertaking racial and ethnicity sensitivity training/courses? These exist for workplaces so maybe exist for individuals too?

Of course, none of that may work. They may feel their decision was final and refuse to consider a reconciliation. But at least you'll have left no stone unturned.

We always discuss political issues and current affairs with our GC , as we did with our DC. It’s how I was brought up. The other GPs are very right wing and our GC try to avoid going to see them because they get very upset with their views.

The only thing I learned as a child having family members with a range of view points is that there were family members I wanted nothing to do with as soon as I realised I had a choice in the matter

The far right opinions of grannies and others can often be made into jokes. Joking and gentle teasing take the sting out of bad information.

How on earth would laughing and joking at silly grandma's views be beneficial to a child?

Agree VS. 'Silly old granny is racist.'?

Violet Sky, children love jokes. It's good for a child to learn that adults can be very silly and stupid.

What we need to be teaching children is that some views are not acceptable

Teaching people that have those views that they are not acceptable is not going to work if it just means either arguing about it or poking fun at it. That's not a positive relationship and nit a good example for childrennwho are learning how to manage relationships in the wider world.

Also we need to teach children that they do not have to put up with certain behaviour otherwise they learn that they should put up with it in their future relationships from partners which is a dangerous piece of advice

When our children were young they were exposed to a range of ideas and opinions, which they often discussed with us. They learnt to make their own minds up about issues, and this has served them well all their lives.

The parents have taken an extreme position in interrupting their children’s relationship with the grandparents. Once again, we don’t know the full truth, but it’s possible the fault doesn’t all lie on on side.

Of course children need room to make up their own minds. However, some characteristics are protected in this country and any parent has the right to reduce exposure to opinions that don't respect those protected characteristics.

If grandpa were saying that a woman's role were as a housewife and mother in the kitchen and living life that way, I'd be saying if he doesn't change that rhetoric around my children, he doesn't get to see them.

Some things aren't up for debate, some things are enshrined in law in society.

Of course you're barred from contact with your GC, as well you should be. Racism, even as you may believe it's hidden, is never acceptable.

My granny was my favourite adult. I adored her. However, I still remember her (very mild for the time) racism.

Not the way any grandparent should behave. The very sad thing is that it is changeable! We can all make a conscious choice to change and educate ourselves.

I can't really remember the protests being violent. Have I missed something?

Also let's add

Boundaries. People have them. No one is so special and important that others must listen to their opinion. Others do not have to listen. They are entitled to any steps that mean not having to listen.

Ignoring that boundary, of a topic another does not want to discuss, will leave them with only the option to walk away.

If anyone places more value in their held opinions or beliefs than the boundaries and feelings of others then that sends a clear message that they value another less than themselves.

We see it all the time in online discussion... opinions thrown about the place but any attempt to humanise yourself or share any personal experience is used to deride, call bias or otherwise accused of trying to manipulate.

This is done by people who place more value on their opinions than they do others feelings and boundaries.

It's just not a sign of a decent empathetic human

Unless you've changed your political views, it makes no sense that after having had a relationship with your eldest GC for 4 years, you've now been stopped from having any contact Jenrev.

Your D and her husband will have been well aware of your views, whatever they may be so why as Delia has posted take such an extreme position now? If they've never approved because as it being assumed on this thread you're racist, why allow a relationship to become established in the first place?

Once again it's the children who get caught up in the disagreements between adults.

As children grow they experience many different points of view which they can talk about with their parents and the other adults in their lives as well as their peers.

Good post Delia, Caleo and biglouise. As your post shows Humbertbear, responsible parenting and grand parenting includes discussing political and current affairs and now your GC are old enough to do so, they choose not to spend much time with the GP's whose right wing views they don't agree with.