How to have a harmonious Christmas Q&A

Well, I've got a question for Relate or whoever else wants to give their tuppence worth? Of my three children, one is out of the country, one is going to spend the day with his soontobe in laws and the other has invited us to stay for Christmas. The dilemma is that this means we will be far away from our own parents for Christmas and this makes me feel incredibly guilty. But I also don't want to miss seeing the grandchildren wake up on Christmas morning and share that with them?

so not do

Crosses fingers ever do tightly

I don't. Bad mother alert!

I seem to get away with it though.

I agree with Candlefran. At our age we just go with the flow.

I do have an imaginary thought bubble though as a way of stifling the remarks I'd love to make.

Am I alone in looking forward to Christmas by myself? I can eat what I fancy, when I fancy and watch rubbish TV if I want.

My local Waitrose is asking for tokens to be donated so that those alone at Christmas can have a nice meal etc I think provided by the Salvation Army. That would be my worst nightmare.

If I was fitter I would not mind helping to serve, wash up etc but I am disabled so that will not happen.

There will be no squabbles in my house! Bliss.

sorry, that post was for Pipparj

I think it'd be cruel not to toast the one person she is missing so much on her first solo Christmas. Have tissues ready as she may not be the only one to cry.

We toasted my Mum the first (and last) Christmas my Dad had to face without her. He was deeply grateful.

Beware, that won't be the only poignant moment for her. It'll be other things that she remembers him liking or loathing about Christmas - the Queen, cracker jokes, afternoon walk etc. It's lovely that you are including her, and are so sensitive to her loss.

''Twas minimouse aka hawkeye who spotted it!

Thank you Anya. I missed it the first time around.

It's been changed to the correct spelling

Site - Sight ? - Can't see the error....

How sad, i feel for all of you.

I dont like Christmas for all the sadness it makes me remember in my own life.

To know you are thinking of him will help pipparj, it's ok to cry don't worry about that. Much better than ignoring the elephant in the room. As Jalima said maybe your son could make the toast ,no need for anything lengthy just to know he is remembered.

She will probably cry but in fact be glad that everyone remembers him fondly. Could your son make the toast to his FIL instead of you doing it?

We usually have a toast to absent friends and family which covers those overseas and those dear departed.

Relate may have a different answer!!

hello to all. I have my daughter in law's mother coming for christmas with us this year. this is the first year that she's come to us, because previously my son and daighter in law would alternate christmas and boxing days between us and them. in february though, she was widowed. I do feel so very sorry for her, and of course she is still suffering quite badly.

I'm dreadfully anxious of bringing up anything that might upset her, but it seems wrong to let the day pass without mentioning her husband. my question for the counsellors is, do you think a toast to him at some point of the day would be appropriate? It's silly, but I'm afraid of making her cry! it's their first christmas without him, so I'm sure they'll cry - I just never know the right things to say, i've never been very good at that (not for lack of trying)

Excuse typos. I'm guilty of not spotting before posting too Cari

Forgot to add, adults eat in one room and the 4 grandchildren have a small tsble to themselves in another.

That way they could squabble to their hearts content - but oddly enough they don't! (No audience/parents?) and we get to eat out meal in a civilised manner without all the 'Daphne you must try one sprout' or 'No, Augustus, you can't have just eat the sausages' (the names have been changed to protect the guilty).

Works for us

I could sit in between the DGD so there are no cries of 'she pushed me', 'well she touched me first'

That might help.
Then again, they could be best friends for the whole Christmas holidays - who knows!

"knowledgeable folk at Relate" indeed! Cobblers.

I should have thought by our age we would know exactly what kind of Christmas suits us and our families. Will these people from Relate be so much more sensible/knowledgeable than we are? Have they lived as long as had the lifetime experience that we have?

Well done, anya!

I live with a pair of socially awkward toads (not an insult and they are aware of their toadiness), one of whom thinks turkey is the worst meat ever and the other of whom has issues even with chicken meat, so turkey doesn't stand a chance.

I never have any idea what we'll be eating on xmas day until I do the weekly grocery shopping during the week preceding. Nor do I especially care. A nice meal is perfectly okay.

Why do people go mad at Christmas? It is, as whitewave said, after all only a roast dinner. OK I might glaze my carrots and parsnips, and add bits to the sprouts, but that's about it.

I always do the Christmas dinner and this year it's 8 adults and four children. But my DiL keeps coming up with over-complicated ways of doing the vegetables, or the roast or the gravy or whatever and weird and wonderful different suggestions for starters and puddings.

So this year I've given her the treat of providing starters and puddings! Guess what? Apparently it's prawn cocktail and shop-bought Christmas pud

That'll learn her!