My wife, my abuser - now on channel 5

I couldn't watch it. I do hope he has custody of the children and that he has found a lovely partner. If I was him I would move as far away as I could from her. She will be out in less than three years saying she is cured of alcoholism , probably found religion and get the children back, her brother sounds a piece of work too.
Grandma2213, what a horrendous experience you describe, I’m afraid these small sentences are an absolute disgrace, I would put them away for twenty years, no parole. Give the children time to grow up in a steady environment and the partner to rebuild.

Shocking though the programme was, it depicted an extreme case that was clearly abuse when the video evidence was reviewed. Sadly most cases of abuse of men by women (and vice versa) are much more subtle psychological and controlling and often include threats that a man will lose his children if he does not comply. This is why many men do not report it. Some statistics show that 1 in 3 men suffer domestic abuse of some kind though even this is likely to be under reported because of society's perception of how a man should be strong.

Even if a man does leave the relationship he is still likely to lose access to his children. The woman then claims that he is the abuser (as did the woman in this programme). She will then likely get legal aid while the man is unable to afford the legal advice required to protect himself and his children against her false allegations.

I have experienced this in my own family with Family Court proceedings lasting over two years. The mother escalated the allegations at each heating which was clearly aimed to delay contact and damage the relationship with the children's father. There was never any indication that he was a danger to his children even though he presented evidence that she continued to abuse him online. I have been shocked when sharing it with friends and family how many similar stories they have reported. Some of these fathers have committed suicide as a result of the court's decisions and many more have mental health problems.

Women are abused. Men are abused. Gender should be irrelevant. The crimes are committed against people and children should be put first and have a loving relationship with the non abusive parent.

MissAdventure

Thanks crazyH.
I'll have a float around and see if I can find it.

It was on Channel 5 on the 18 March.

You should be able to get it on catch up or on My5.

I have just downloaded it from C5 through Sky.

It was heartbreaking to watch.Thank goodness his friend
took action and alerted the police. Those poor children seeing violence and abuse normalised was shocking. I hope she is never allowed near him or them again. He was a broken man and I hope he does recover fully as 20 years with her must of been hell.

I just watched it- totally shocking! But was wondering where in Yorkshire as it looks lovely.

Thanks crazyH.
I'll have a float around and see if I can find it.

MissA - yes, 2023 I think. The abused husband is ok now. He has a new partner, so it’s not the same case you saw on YouTube.

This was horrific to watch but hopefully bringing this into the open will encourage other men to ask for help

Kate1949

Her brother was also in court for threatening to 'ruin Richard's life' if he didn't withdraw his claims. I believe Richard has a new partner.

Brother and sister sound a delightful pair. She appealed to the court to stop the documentary being shown but the judge refused. Good for him.

Her brother was also in court for threatening to 'ruin Richard's life' if he didn't withdraw his claims. I believe Richard has a new partner.

Sago

How on earth did she do her job?
She apparently drank up to 3 bottles of wine a night!
She is a truly evil person, the Police found it very hard to be impartial.
After spending time in custody she, asked for her hair straighteners, the Police officer was appalled she hadn’t asked after her children.

And he had packed the hair straighteners!
I’m afraid I was left with the feeling that I would not be surprised if he took her back when she is released.

I can't believe I missed this.
Was the case recent, please, because I have seen on YouTube a case where the poor man was hours away from death due to abuse by his partner.

I'm also concerned that the little girls have seen their mother inflicting the most horrific abuse on their father .
I grew up in a house , in which my parents were constantly at war with each other
( usually verbal , but occasionally physical and furniture would be broken ) and it made me feel unhappy , insecure and frightened of the future .

Four years is inadequate and frankly , she needs treatment in a mental hospital .

She must have interviewed well to get to such a high position in the Prison and Probation Service. Just shows you how easily people can be taken in.

Personally, I hope she is never allowed near her kids again as she is one sick and evil woman. They should be allowed a fresh start with their Dad. It was shocking that those little girls and even the dog saw her punching, kicking and swearing at him yet accepted it as normal.

Her children will need some serious therapy to recover from their life at home and for them to learn how healthy adults relate to each other. I hope that contact with her children on her release is, at least initially, supervised, to prevent the possibility of her view of acceptable behaviour being promoted by her.

I watched this last night. That poor, poor man. What an evil, wicked woman. Her poor children. That lovely man not to retaliate or leave for fear of his children suffering.
Her 4 year sentence is a disgrace.

It was horrific! None of us ever know what is going on around us behind closed doors.

How on earth did she do her job?
She apparently drank up to 3 bottles of wine a night!
She is a truly evil person, the Police found it very hard to be impartial.
After spending time in custody she, asked for her hair straighteners, the Police officer was appalled she hadn’t asked after her children.

I was going to suggest this but it seems it has to be done within 28 days of sentencing. Nevertheless, might be useful in the future.

www.gov.uk/ask-crown-court-sentence-review

I feel sorry for any man who gets taken in by her in the future. I couldn't help thinking of the damage being done to those small children, living in such a toxic environment. It spoke volumes to me when they said that at the trial, they had to bring in extra chairs for his supporters but she didn't have one person in court for her. Why did the judge hand down a lenient 4 year sentence when in their summing up they said it was the worst case of control and coercion they had ever seen? I hope measures are put in place to keep her well away from him and the children because I don't think she has any filter on her behaviour and wouldn't put anything past her. Awful woman.

It was harrowing .
I felt sick .
I know a few women , who constantly criticise and dominate their husbands - though not in the way he was abused .

I was in tears watching this,poor poor,man.
And the fact that he tried to protect his children by saying, just say what mummy wants to hear in front of me is fine,utterly heartbreaking.
And I agree that sentence is far too lenient

I saw him being interviewed on BBC breakfast yesterday, and that was enough for me. I couldn't watch the documentary and have so much respect and admiration for him.

It's very hard for a man to publicly recount the abuse he suffered from his wife or female partner.

I was shocked watching this! Horrendous. Agree that 4 years was far too lenient.

It actually made me feel sick watching that poor man. I hope he can still be happy with his 3 children and that she is never allowed contact with them ever.

To think she got just 4 years in prison and is already in an Open Prison and will be out before we know it! battering him, bruising him, cutting him, verbally abusing him in front of their children and even defecating and urinating on him. It is just awful.

Just goes to show that people who look attractive and hold down very high powered and responsible jobs are very good at fooling people. She had a very senior position in the Prison and Probation service but really was a foul mouthed and cruel monster.

I hope somebody complains that her sentence is too lenient and it will be investigated. It takes just one complaint.