Finding a family

I watched it, totally agree with you with regard to the 2 boys, the foster parents were so good with them, and they seemed to be dear little chaps.

Yes, I watched it, too, and the two little brothers were delightful - the youngest is very like one of my grandsons. I felt so sad about their situation, as they were clearly happy with their foster parents but knew it wasn't permanent. My sister fostered children till retiring last month - she 'kept' one long-term foster daughter, who wasn't available for adoption, but stayed for good and lives nearby, now she is in her twenties. She's family in every way except for that piece of paper. I can see why you felt you could work more constructively with adults, Mishap. I would find it too harrowing as well. We have a family member just starting the adoption process, so have a keen interest in the development of this 'adoption party' process.

For a long time I worked as a social worker recruiting and training adoptive families and some of my most delightful experiences occurred then. One instant in particular has stayed with me. A very ordinary working class man and his wife adopted a sibling group of three children under five with some very serious problems. The wife gave up her job to become their full time carer (remember there is no payment for adopters); it was very hard work physically as well as emotionally draining. And yet on 'Adoption Day', many months after their placement, when he was asked by the judge how it felt to parent these three little ones their new dad (a man of few words) responded with wonder in his voice, 'It feels like I've won the lottery'.

What channel was this on?

Even the main social worker seemed unsure of the Adoption Party's success. What the effect will be on the children in the future we've no idea. It reminded me of not being picked for a team and how bad I felt at the time - only this is much much worse. Prospective parents also seemed a bit bewildered. A party? It was a market in all but name. It certainly gave an insight into behind the scenes of foster caring. How hard it was for the carers of the two little boys who weren't chosen for the third time, especially when there was talk of separating them because the younger one was more likely to get a placement.

I forgot to watch the programme but had read a long article in, I think, the Observer about it. It seemed awful that some children must come to feel that they are unloveable, but apparently the number of adoptive homes found is much higher using this method. It must be horrible for social workers and foster carers too, but they presumably feel it is the lesser of two evils.

I decided not to watch it, as despite being a few years into retirement, I still carry the faces and stories of so many children, and they can pop up unexpectedly. Thanks Mishap for your thoughtful comments, and recognition of just why sw try so hard to support children in their birth families. The legal position is that adoption/long term alternative placement must be considered to be "in the best interests of the child". In so many situations, the reality is that it's the least detrimental alternative, as the situation has gone way beyond what is really in the child's best interests.
I hope this doesn't sound negative about children's life chances, or about adoptions that are sanctioned, against the wishes of the child's birth parents, or family. Adoption usually gives a child who can't remain with her/his birth family, the best opportunity to form lasting attachments, and to be brought up in a loving, secure and safe environment. People who adopt older children, and groups of brothers and sisters are heroic, and every effort should be made to support them.

I'm afraid the tide has turned in social work, and social workers do not work as hard as they used to to keep children with their families. There has been a huge rise in the number of children removed and the rate of care proceedings, hence the shortage of foster and adoptive placements. Adoption can be a wonderful thing for children who not had loving parents but I fear that we are creating a completely different set of problems by the current drive to get as many children as possible adopted, and in as short a time as possible. And once local authorities are given targets and incentives to do so, then I suspect we have forgotten to consider children as individuals with their own unique needs and circumstances.

My big fear is that so much is expected of adoptive parents. Being a parent is one of the most difficult things any of us do and often it's the early bonding and total commitment that sees us through the more difficult (often teenage) years.
So many of the children placed for adoption have not had the best start, to put it mildly. I also worry about the governments expectation that care proceedings can be concluded in a ridiculously short timescale.

I agree Iam. I fear what the effects of these misguided policies will be in the future. I fear we will end up with even more very painful adoption breakdowns and children who will grow up even more damaged by the production line approach that they are now subject to.

I am certainly not against adoption, but it is not the answer for all children and as you say Iam, adoptive parents of older children and sibling groups need far more support than they currently receive.