Holidaying with friends

I went away with the same woman friend 3 times abroad and also with a cousin a couple of times.
I decided it was better to go on my own due to various clashes and I can please myself. Only
downside for me is the evening meal so I have my main meal either lunchtime or late afternoon. But I'm sure it works out for lots of people

Three years ago I went on a three night break with a very good friend. She didn't want to pay for her own room so we shared. I did not know that she snored, so loudly the man in the next room complained! She also had very expensive tastes in wine. we are not quite so friendly now. I also had another holiday with another friend, with separate rooms and we had a kitty it was a wonderful break. My dh and I have spent many holidays with another couple. We always have a fantastic time. It's give and take.

Could you all go out for a day to test it out in reality to some extent. Otherwise if you don't want to go on your own, go on a group holiday with HF or Ramblers or similar.

Don't test your friendship on a holiday.....

I once worked in an office with two women who had been very good friends for about 8 years. And then they decided to go to Turkey together - with their respective spouses - as they had never done so before.

I came into the office later than them on the day of their return - and it was very, very, very plain from the palpably icy atmosphere that things had gone extremely wrong somewhere.

They would not communicate with each other at all, except through me. ie: "please give X this message" and "will you tell Y that I need the figures for....."

And we were all sat within 10 feet of each other!

After 3 solid weeks of this palaver I told the employment agency I wanted out and please to find me something else.

Much later, down the line, I found out that the respective couples had indulged in a "Swingers Evening"....and all hell had broken loose!

Ce la vie, I suppose.

I go away with the same 3 friends for a long weekend at least once a year. We always have an evening about a month before to plan and list make ( an excuse for a glass of wine!). We self cater and decide who is going to take what for drinks for the cocktails we like to have. We also have a kitty for fresh food purchases, coffees, car parking etc. All works well for us!

You are right to be wary and consider the possible pitfalls before you commit. Having had a similar experience to yours when you went away with "no kitty", I now check before that we are willing to do the same things and can do them. My friend didn't want to walk far, and despite being on the other side of the world, didn't want to go on trips either. I wept with frustration one night - in private.
Four people is a balance and if you can sort the detail before you go then it will probably work out. Give it a go!

Only tried it once. It rained most of the time, but our friends wanted to be outside anyway. We didn't because we had a 2yr old. We thought it was too wet and we wanted to stay in the warm. However, it was decided by them to take a vote on it and guess what....we were out-voted every time because they were 4 and we were 2. No chance. So we had to drag along in the rain. It was the most uncomfortable holiday we have ever had and an end to a beautiful friendship as sWe were annoyed because we had to go out even if we didn't feel like it and they were annoyed because they wanted to go out and there was a definite atmosphere. Never again. Family is ok but not friends if you want to keep them that is.

I know friends who holiday together successfully but I should hate it, unless we had separate rooms and were each free to do what we wanted whilst normally meeting up for meals. I know going solo does expose you to the single supplement, but to me it is well worth while. It is different if it is only for a few days and I spent a very enjoyable weekend in Belgium with a friend, but I'm pretty sure I would drive friends mad for any longer period, as they would me.

Holidaying with friends or family is a nightmare - nonehas the same ideas - compromises have to be made and you don't really enjoy it fully unless you go with people who are like minded. There's usually one mean person who spoils it.

I know people who complained about splitting the bill because they didn't have a glass of wine that others had, although they ordered a more expensive meal!! - so could be better To pay for what you have to avoid conflict.
However if you want to go with friends and not on you own,
just do whatever they do and enjoy your holiday. . You dont have to go again.

I go away with two different lots of women friends every year and it works fine (a 3 and a 4).We started it about 8 years ago as our children left home .
But only for 2 or 3nights .We take it in turns to organise hotel or cottage .We take breakfast stuff but otherwise eat out .The others are virtually tee total so I take a bottle of wine and might have a drink after we get back after a meal out or I'll have a glass when eating out, if not driving .As you get older I think it's harder to compromise and people can start to irritate if you go for too long. I've known the first group for 47 years the second for 35..
I don't think I'd want to as a couple with other couples though as I think men find it much harder to 'go with the flow'
One of the women I go with has never married/had children She is much less adaptable but we've learned to live with that . And we do try and avoid going on about our children/grandchildren .

We often go away with friends, we always,always,always have a kitty! Of course i suppose there are some that would take advantage of that and choose wildly expensive drinks etc but if any one wants to go madly ' off piste ' they pay the extra. It's a good idea to sort all this out before you embark on the holiday. We also have plenty of time doing our own thing - but always meeting up for coffee, dinner etc.

Go but set some ground rules before you set off to avoid conflict. My DH and I have successfully holidayed with friends many times. We always have times where we do our own things and often met up with the friends in the evening for a nice meal together. Different experiences in the day made for topics to talk about.

Meal bills are best on the 'pay for what you have' not 'split down the middle'. Make this clear before you go. Our only discomfort came from where we assumed we were paying for what we had and ordered slightly more than our friends (in particular, my DH had a bottle of red wine as an extra) and they insisted on a 50/50 split but sulked. They had ordered less because they had had a massive lunch which wasn't our responsibilty!

I too had a similar experience going on holiday with an old abd close friend so was surprised how difficult and denanding she was, and yes though that was 20 years ago sadly, our friendship is no longer close.
Another old friend would like us to go away but i hesitate as i would hate for thecsame to happen.
Good luck, but check with them how they manage things and if that sounds ok then give it a go.

I can understand your wariness.

I have a great friend, but the rest of us in a group are all very aware of her foibles when on holiday with her. They seem to accentuate!

Am I reading your op right in that although you have been away with friends on their own before, it is not any from this particular group?

I go away with a group of friends every year, normally just 5 days and in this country. There are 8 of us and we book a large cottage/house. First time we went we had a get together and discussed everything, room sharing, costs, food (we go self catering) planned menus that were agreeable to everyone. We decided we would all take drink but put it altogether. We had a fab time went swimming, for walks etc. If you wanted to stay put that was fine no pressure, no falling out. In May we are off on our 8th holiday-same 8 'girls' we'll have our planning meeting in April, part of the holiday now, we still share with same person and always have a fab time, we split into pairs, groups to go off and do things or sit and chat, sometimes do things together but we always eat together. One thing we do a lot of is laugh, we have become very close even though when we first went we didn't know everyone in the group very well. I would definitely go for it walterwalt

If you get on well with them all then I say you should go. I often go out with a group of 'girls' sometimes 4 of us, sometimes 3. The dynamic is better with 4 because we tend to pair up, say 2 go shopping, 2 go to the beach, two want a big dinner, two a quick lunch. Makes it easier with sharing rooms too.

Go for it Walterwalt! It gives you a chance to go on holiday. If three have successfully gone away several times before they will probably all be good at discussing and compromising. It will probably be a real laugh! With four you can also split into two twos for some activities maybe.Enjoy!

Thank you that is a good idea

Maybe a nice coffee morning for everyone with all aspects discussed.

Room sharing/ kitty or not for taxis, meals, trips/or split costs as necessary/ what if someone wants to be on their own for a while/does anyone snore/ early-late nights/ early-late morning rising/ self catering v all inclusive/ does anyone be fond of a drink whilst another is TT - could this be an issue. Is everyone fit to walk a distance/ or not. Do some like shopping and others want to lie by a pool and read or do the spa, does everyone like to see sights.

I will indeed. I'm wary though because on my disastrous holiday I thought we had agreed all this sort of thing up front and it turned out that it couldn't have been further from the truth. I spent most of the time compromising (she never did) and inwardly seething and I have never been able to look at her in the same way now I have seen this side of her. It's made me nervous.

If they've managed to do it successfully for several trips, they must have a system that works for them. I agree, just ask and see if it'd work for you.

Why not openly ask them how the three of them manage things? Then you can decide if you will fit on or not. They must already have arrangements if they have done it several times before,