Do I leave one son out of my will.

My thoughts would be what your husband wanted to do before he sadly died. Your son not attending his own fathers funeral must tell you that he will not respond to any contact from you if he won’t even pay his respects to his late father. Honour your husbands wishes.

Cathy I am sorry you have had such a sad and difficult time. I personally would never cut a child out of my will . There may be various reasons for his behaviour. I think a parent's love should be unconditional. I hope relationships within the family improve.

Before leaving him out I would make contact myself first - not through the other son. If he isn't interested then I feel it would be ok to exclude him.

I bit the bullet and have left my son out of my will. Heartbreaking but he fell in 'love' and disowned his family when his dad was diagnosed as being terminally ill.

He married and I believe is still in the bubble. He is suffering mental abuse, his wife has isolated from everyone even his employer who treated him like a member of his family. She moved up North last year and he has had to follow..

I know he is still my son I have no objection to his having anything but I resent my step-granddaughters having what should be rightfully go to my two grandchildren. I know she would contest the will so I have also put things into my son and daughter in law's name. The solicitor has drawn up a draft to ensure my 'rights.'

I have an agreement with them that if my son does come to his senses they will give a certain amount to him If not his share is divided between my two GC

Believe me it was hard but my GC are not losing out to two unknowns.

As other people have suggested, why not leave his share to his children?

A lot is being said about father's funeral. Have seen a decade long estrangement in my family that was successfully concluded, I do know how hard it is for the one who didn't see anyone from their family to manage a large family gathering.

*I can not understand Mothers and daughters or daughters and mothers having nothing to do with each other
My mum was my best friend and miss her every minute of the day*

Can you not see that what you miss is that person, and that relationship

The relationship you had with your mother is not on offer from other mothers, that was just who she was, not the simple fact that she spawned you

Jennyluck

My feelings exactly . You have summed it perfectly.

I think there is no right or wrong.

People leave their estates to people they never met or to pets or in crazy trusts so whatever sits right with OP is the right thing to do.

My personal take is, I wont be alive
when my will is executed anyway, I want good things for my kids regardless of their imput back IYKWIM. Our relationship is somewhat separate. I want them to be secure with or without me. So I would still leave to all kids but thats not "right" its just how I feel

I’d leave him out of the will. His behaviour is beyond belief. I’ve had to do this with my oldest son. When you’ve loved and cared for your children all their life and they walk away for what ever reason, they’ve lost the right to their inheritance. I’ll
Always love my son, that will never change, but he’s absolutely broke my heart.

...and reassess it on any changes such as births, marriages or deaths and make sure any executors are in the next generation to come...i.e. a good deal younger.

Tillybelle, you are right, I still can't believe that in this day and age there are people who feel that making a will is somehow tempting fate.....bringing on the grim reaper. Its not the middleages!

When I was in banking many decades ago...the advice was anyone with a mortgage should make a will.

For anyone without the support of family there is a strong chance that what you leave in your will, will go towards your care in later life (nursing home or carers).

But that apart, I would leave what you have, and no doubt worked hard for, to those that have made you happy in life and are in need of support ie loved ones who have loved you back, people and charities that are close to your heart (eg heart, cancer research, water aid, dogs homes etc, but not to those that spend unwisely, or to people with plenty of money of their own. Include a note that you have chosen not to leave money to anyone who has not been part of your life, including family, in case they contest it,and if you are looking at more than a few thousand (after funeral costs), use a solicitor.

I do not want to derail the thread from the dilemma of wills and estranged sons.
However, as a side issue, if anyone can suggest any help because some people are saying they haven't made wills yet and it reminded me of a situation I know - cannot say how - but:
the father will not make a Will. Has 4 school children and a wife who does not go out to work. He "gets too upset" to make a will. So the wife does not try and persuade him. They have a mortgage (big probably). His father died suddenly in 50s with heart attack. Probably what upsets this father. But isn't he being too precious and not considering his wife and family if he were to die?
(Hope you don't mind my asking OP.)

Dee1012. So sorry Dee. Your Father trusted her too much. My father too, was manipulated by a n unscrupulous woman all his life - my mother.

The only protection would have been for your father's will to have prevented her making this change. I do not know who owned what, but maybe (or maybe not!) he could have left the property to her for her lifetime only and then to you. However if it were jointly owned by them both I would need legal advice on how to prevent the surving spouse altering the will so that the property goes away from the direct descendent.

Barleysugar. May I humbly suggest you say in your will that you are not leaving a portion to your youngest son as
he has already received from you both more than (if that is correct) his portion of your estate during your lifetimes. If you print this in the will it will be seen by all that the youngest has been fairly treated and your lovely elder son may see that his inheritance is duly and fairly his and his alone.

Houndi. I am both deeply sorry that you have lost your lovely mother and I am truly happy for you that you had such a wonderful relationship with each other.

When you say you cannot understand when other mothers and daughters do not get on, do you mean, because of your wonderful relationship with your mother, you simply are unable to imagine why others do not get on ?
Or are you suggesting that to not get on with each other there must be something wrong with them? Because sometimes when we say "I can not understanding such and such having ......etc" we mean it in a critical way like saying "Why on earth not?"

I can easily understand why some mothers and daughters do not get on. From the not very bad small differences in personality to the terrible situations such as a cruel mother or a very selfish child. Some mothers struggle very hard with difficult children. Some children have terrible lives with dreadful parents. So I, sadly, can easily understand why some mothers and daughters do not get on.

Cathy21
My sympathies are with you.

We are in a similar situation, having’ lent’ our youngest son large amounts of money over several years ( like idiots ) , on thinking that we would be repaid as he promised. That is just not going to happen - unless a miracle happens, & we have made the decision to cut him & his family from both our Wills. Our eldest son will inherit everything , & it is up to him as to whether he decides to give any to his brother. Knowing him, we think he will as he is an honourable & decent man, but we both hope he won’t, as the youngest son has hurt us more than anyone realises. My husbands health - he suffers from depression has been made 10 times worse over the years, & not once has he really apologised or offered to pay us back - even a small amount every month.

He is not in touch us, with his brother or other family members, we can only assume because he is ashamed & embarrassed .

Speaking from my experience, go with your gut feeling & do what is right for you.

Teyha. Sending you much love and support. When our children marry, I have found, they become influenced by their spouse. They effectively become a different person. They seem to want us for what we can give them in some cases. I have read so much pain on the pages of GransNet about this. We need to support each other. It is harder to be a parent of an adult child than of a child! nobody tells you this when you have a baby!!
Your friends are important. They know you. Look after yourself.
With much love, Elle x

Oh trueblue22 that is such a painful experience! I am so sorry. I have to say, I do admire you for your action and absolutely agree that it is appropriate.

What a very wicked man this boy was! How he would have hurt his father by such behaviour! Did he really expect to gain from the estates of two mothers? What greed! And no! It is none of his business to ask the contents of your will at the reading of your late husband's will! How callous and grasping can a person be? And what did he expect to gain from freezing probate of his father's estate? How cruel to his father's widow!! I am so terribly upset that you had to suffer this when you were in mourning for your DH. Also sudden death is a lot harder to deal with emotionally. I happen to know simply from my career before I retired, but it is obvious. A death that follows an illness and is expected does allow preparation, albeit very hard and bringing its own pain and anguish. However to have a person there and then suddenly they are gone is a terrible shock which can take a long time from which to recover.
I do hope your DH's sudden death is not such a terrible pain for you now and that you are beginning to pick up the threads of life without him. I suspect he is very much still around and near you so you can feel him with you as you do the daily round of life's little chores.

Now you have sorted out your will, I would give it no more thought but just try and enjoy life day by day as best you can. Again, for what it is worth, I sincerely agree with your decision.

With very best wishes, Elle

Sorry but quite simply, do what your DH asked.

I am so sorry you have lost your husband and that you have had such serious health problems.

I do not want to upset you, or anyone, but honestly, your son does not consider you as part of his life. To not attend his Father's funeral, without a good reason and getting in touch, well- he has shown he does not want to be part of your family.
We tend to overdo what we expect from family. We read books, see films and even know other families where all members seem to get on and we believe this is what it should be like. So when a member of our own family just disowns us and cuts himself off, then we struggle against the odds to try and make them seem to be "normal" in respect of belonging with us. But not everyone is! Indeed it is quite common for a family to have a member that does not bother about their parents and siblings. I have tried to comfort several mothers like you with sons and one was a daughter who just went off and lost touch. One mother found out her daughter had married and she was heart-broken that she was not even told let alone included in the ceremony.
We grow up with and hold on to such strong expectations about our children. But they are quite separate people from us. Genetically they can be made from influences of people we never knew who were so incredibly different that we cannot imagine what they were like. Nobody prepares us for this.
Just as nobody prepares a child for having a cold or uncaring or cruel parent, so nobody prepares parents for having cold and uncaring children. But it happens. It is nobody's fault. Just a random act of nature and mix of genes from somewhere way back.
I would honour your dear husband's memory by doing as he wisely says and I would give some help to your dear nephew as a token of your love to him in gratitude for his love and kindness to you.
We can't choose our family.
Do not dwell on it. Leave it to the Lord. Bless you

My husband died suddenly 2 years ago. Luckily he'd made a will 14 years before leaving equal amounts to all three of his children.

One of his chilseen is from a previous marriage. After I read out the will, my stepson asked me if I was 'making provision' for him- leave him something in my will. His mother is still alive and is quite comfortable financially.

When I wouldn't tell him, because I thought his request was inappropriate 1 month after DH death, and quite frankly none of his business, he then decided to try to freeze probate, giving an excuse that he believed there was a later will around.

I was going to leave him 20% of my Estate in my original will. I changed my will then to leave him nothing. Not because he was entitled to anything, but because he took the legal route that he did and cost me so much in emotional energy when I was in deep mourning.

Since then he has not bothered to even reach out to his half siblings (my children with his dad). They are the innocent party and he should have no grudge against them.

No children are entitled to their parents estate. You can leave your money to whoever you want...they haven't earned it.

When you write the will leave your property to who you want to and say why, if your nephew was a great help say so and if your son ignored you, again say why he gets left out.

For those who have yet to make a will, Have a look at the rules on intestacy, work out how the money will be distrubuted if you do not make a will. Nephews, however close excluded, estranged children getting an equal share with their siblings who have done everything for you.

If that doesn't sting you in to making a will, nothing will.

Firstly, I it is up to the person making the Will whatwho to put in and what/who to leave out. If you are estranged that says it all. Why should you leave anything to somebody who doesn't care anything about you. I have this situation and have left the estranged child out of my Will completely, they don't deserve anything and couldn't care less if I live or die. But ultimately, it is YOUR Will and therefore YOUR choice.