OK, it's probably been said before, BUT..

I am just waiting – but not with bated breath – for this thread, like all the many others on this subject in the past, to degenerate into a nasty sniping match. It always happens – but maybe this one will be the exception.

I agree that there is no excuse, let alone justification for being aggressively rude to another gransnetter but it does happen. What also happens is that some gransnetters occasionally complain that someone was aggressively rude to them when all they did was disagree with what was said in a post.

That wasn't the case here though Absent.

What I dislike about threads like this is the mysteriousness. Oblique references are made to whatever the OP has seen as the problem. Most of us haven't a clue what the opening post is on about. Well, we have a vague idea, but we don't know what in particular occasioned the objection in the opening post. That's annoying.

Those of us who wish to start threads like this need, I suggest (and the suggestion is aimed at me too), to find a way of making our complaints unmysterious.

And then threads like this would get reported and deleted pronto. Hey! I think I'm onto something here

I think I may have found the 'contentiousness' in question (after your last post, P). I think it could have been ignored, especially by someone with a 'prehistoric' association with Gransnet

Does ignoring always work on the internet? I dont think so.

With you Phoenix. There's been several threads lately where nit picking nastiness has taken over from heated discussion. Even when the discussion ignores it and carries on two or three will continue to slag each other viciously. And when it happens on a light thread like yours....

I think some posters take things too personally when others see no real offence.
I think that to me means they have a rather inflated idea of their own self importance.
This is not, repeat not, intended to point the finger at anyone personally at the current time, just an observation of things I have noticed throughout my time with GN.
Some would just say,lighten up, shrug it off and ignore the deliberately obnoxious posters. Like death and taxes they will always be with us.

And starting a new thread ,dealing with the old thread may not be the way to go and possibly is against GN guidelines.

What a thing to say, are there anyone on gn that would be nasty

Well sometimes you're standing on a street corner, having a laugh with your mates, and the two foul mouthed drunks across the road suddenly start lurching across, shouting out random insults about your mum. Best just to hop on a passing bus and leave them to it.

I'm not referring to any particular thread, btw. I don't even know the one in question.

Absolutely, ignore it if you can. However if someone else is going to be SERIOUSLY physically hurt you need to step in. If it is just their feelings......step away.

If someone is being bullied and everyone just "steps away" isn't that just encouraging the bully. I wonder how many people have given up posting on threads because of the bickering and, what I think sometimes is deliberate, misunderstanding of a post. Like Maggiemaybe I add the caveat that I am not referring to any particular post or poster.

You're right, sunseeker. I'm not so inclined to take my own "Leave it, Kev, he's not worth it" stance when it's others being targeted. I like to think I'd stick up for them and have been grateful to those holding my coat on occasion.

Vague unspecific admonishments of "somebody" not "playing nicely" "somewhere" IMHO just end up with everybody wondering "was it me?" "Who said what, when, where" etc etc. It usually ends in tears.
Basically then a thread about a thread.
If someone has seriously upset you phoenix (I am assuming, but as I said this has been expressed as a "general" plea) then say so, say it to them and get it over.
I can remember threads in the past which started in a similar vein and instead of clearing the air, as perhaps intended, led to more bad feeling and ultimately stirring. Not saying this is, but for heaven's sake, if there is something to say, please say it and let's not have an atmosphere of "somebody has not been very nice....."

I think bullying is far too strong a word to use in the situation we have here sunseeker. If I thought someone was being bullied I would report it. There was no bullying here just someone being deliberately being awkward for the sake of it.

We all know we can't do TAAT without facing deletion and quite rightly and I don't think that TAAFOTC ( threads about a few other threads collectively) are on either, at least not in the context of this thread. I agree with MB. If someone upsets you ( generic you) either ignore it or say so on the thread itself. I hate all this ' some posters', 'a certain poster' ' a particular thread' etc. And we never know when a 'lighthearted thread' may segue into something that requires a not at all light hearted response. I went onto the University Chsllenge thread just because I really enjoy the programme and then was quite shocked st some comments on there and was very critical of them. That was the right thing to do rather than start a generalist 'Why are some GNers disabilist' thread.

As soon as I see that in the OP, I immediately wonder what on earth I've said - so ignore the thread like the plague.

That's it, gilly "As long as we all respect each other." Then we can disagree and argue debate without getting a knife between the shoulder-blades, or a cup of tea in our unoffending lap.

Rigby what is TAAT and TAAFOTC please?

I was puzzled too Jalima1108 but reading back I think it means Thread about a thread and threads about a few other threads collectively??

Second one, should have read "Thread about a few other threads collectively".

Which is what I said. OMG I am confusing myself now!

that't what happens when you have half a dozen screens open at the same time

Oh, thank you gillybob and I see now that Rigby explained it in brackets afterwards

Duh, going out now!!

In my real life I get on with everyone splendidly, but then all do because being polite at the tea party and doing a silent inner eye roll works so well.

I find the threads that tend towards asking 'what did I do to be estranged' or 'what could be done when estranged' difficult. I learnt (by being slapped by GNeters) that the OP is not really asking for advise, or trying to self reflect inward at all. Rather, posts seem pity party rather than solution driven.

I'm not adept at 'there, there, there' and am quite thankful nobody in real life expects silent agreement in the name of advise. So, rather than pointing anyone towards what their estranged may be thinking - total acceptance to the posters view is in order, oh well, learnt.