Memorial gifts

When my son died, suddenly and in tragic circumstances I didn't receive any gifts. If I'm honest, I would not have wanted or expected gifts. What I do remember with gratitude and love are the people who either brought me home cooked meals or invited me to eat with them.
I was too shocked, stunned to even think about food for myself. One dear friend brought me an evening meal every day for a week. The meal came in a basket. She included a few garden flowers, a little card on which she had written an appropriate quotation.
Other friends, when the time was right, took me out for part of the day to a place of interest, lunch etc. One friend made a point of taking me out to eat on the evening before the funeral. After the meal we had a short, country walk. Time and kindness were the best gifts for me. Others, of course will have had different experiences. I have read of people having soft toys made from clothing of their loved ones.

BigBerthal I am so very sorry for your loss. My sincere condolences to the parents of your nephew.

How very sad. I don’t think a gift is appropriate, but like Aldom says it’s being there and being thoughtful that is needed.
Aldom, I’m so sorry for the loss of your son but that you had the support around you to help carry you through.

Was this a child or do they give bears whatever age ?
Personally I think some memorial gifts are a bit tacky would something done in his name be nicer ….here we have a lifeboat that you can give a donation to (I think about £50) and have the loved ones name on the side of the boats, something like that a lasting memory in his name would certainly be appreciated by me more than a trinkety type thing
If he was a child could you do something for a child’s charity in his name
Just my thoughts and no disrespect to those that like objects
we re all different

You could arrange for a recording of the funeral service to be made. I have one which I view from time to time, as the actual day passed in a blur. DH's service was during lockdown, so very limited numbers could attend but many watched via video link or had video copies afterwards. I was also given a lovely wooden 'Memories Box' in which I keep precious things e.g. his gold watch and wedding ring, wedding and Golden Wedding photos, bizarrely his hearing aids, glasses and so on. Also another wooden box with half of his ashes, to be scattered with mine when the time comes. HTH

Sorry for your loss - a tragedy.
I too don’t think a gift is appropriate - to be honest, it’s something I haven’t really heard of, other than a memento from the hospital, like a handprint or the heartbeat beat of a younger person. When DH died, it was the love, support and practical help from others that helped most. However, both DDs did have a toy made from some of his shirts for their little ones, one born just after he died. His BF sent me flowers on the first anniversary of his death and I get a few texts from others on that day, but, personally, I think I would find a gift rather tasteless and morbid.
My friends DinL has her baby’s name tattooed on her wrist, after he was stillborn, but I think that’s a very different scenario.
However, we are all different and if you think a gift would be appreciated - what about a rose or something for the garden?

Thank you for your thoughts and kind wishes. Graham was 55 but a big strong healthy (we thought) biker and HGV driver. I think what I will do is do some fundraising in his name for the Stroke Association.

I should mention that Graham had already expressed his wish for a Pure Cremation.

I absolutely would not even think of a gift and if the family want a memento of eg the funeral service, surely that is up to them. So sorry, Granny23 it was kindly meant and born out of your own experience, but personally I would have fond it intrusive.
A donation to a charity of the family’s choice, reflecting the sons interests is always safe and will usually be indicated at the time of the funeral. Or a gentle enquiry saying you are minded to make a donation on his name, do they have a preference.
For the time being , a “Thinking of you” card and perhaps a Spring plant or flowers (nothing floristy) and your genuine sympathy will be appreciated.

I think that’s lovely and given in his name it’s practical warm and I would think just what he’d want BigBertha
sad for you and his family, very young my eldest is the same age

IN his name, not “on”. Sorry.

BigBertha1

Thank you for your thoughts and kind wishes. Graham was 55 but a big strong healthy (we thought) biker and HGV driver. I think what I will do is do some fundraising in his name for the Stroke Association.

I'm very sorry for your loss, but I think that would be a lovely gesture in his memory. When my mother died after a long battle with Alzheimer's, my daughter abseiled from the Forth Bridge and my son did a parachute jump, both to raise funds for Alzheimer Scotland. It was nice to think that others might benefit from our loss, even in a small way.

I think that would be an excellent thing to do. Practical and helpful for others.

Recently the adult son of one of our group of friends from university died suddently. We are scattered all over the UK, so we gave a young tree to his parents which was really appreciated.

I feel that some sign that you haven’t forgotten him would be what I would appreciate most, so it wouldn’t necessarily be something you’d do immediately. Maybe something like a mention that you were thinking of him when, say, his football team won, or his favourite band was on television, or you saw something that reminded you of a time you spent with him.

I think that people are often loath to mention a person who has died, for fear of upsetting their family, but I’m always happy when someone shares a memory with me.