Are you an ex Christian?

I think it's possible to live a 'Christian' way of life without going to church. Both my husband and myself believe in caring for others less fortunate and will always go the extra mile to offer help when needed.
We have a lovely church in the town where we live and a young, enthusiastic vicar, who has brought a breath of fresh air into the town. However I know of many people who are regular church goers who wouldn't lift a finger to help anyone.
I remember standing outside of a local supermarket asking for donations for the food bank; the number of people, who I know are regular church goers, not only refused to donate but also made deprecating comments as to the type of person who had need of a food bank!
And they call themselves Christians!

Yes - I think we have all met good and bad people within both the Christian community and the non-believers. One of the pillars of the church locally used to treat his wife dreadfully - she was not allowed to make contact with her own adult son, who had blotted his copybook by having a mind of his own. He was a real despot in his own home. But who knows, he might have found justification for his appalling behaviour somewhere in the OT.

When I was a teenager and attended the local church (more for the social life attached than to pray!) and a friend's sister became pregnant by a serious boyfriend. Her father, a stalwart of the church, threw her out and even the vicar couldn't change his mind. Her mother used to have to sneak up to London to see her daughter and her grandchild. What price Christianity then?

Has anyone mentioned the 10 commandments? These are Christian and all one needs to follow to be Christian. IMHO

Lots of interesting thoughts above. My own experience is that my parents were CofE when I was small, converted to Catholicism when I was 9, I married in a Catholic church and both my parents had Catholic funerals. I used to believe and prayed with enthusiasm. I would now describe myself as Agnostic. There is a lot of good in the New Testament (which I have read a lot), without it being literally true. I think I tend towards Humanism more than anything else. I would love to believe in an afterlife, and that my lovely husband is there waiting for me, but you cannot make yourself believe in something. I share the experiences above; there are lots of very good Christians, but equally a lot of hypocrites. WRT the 10 commandments; they are in the Old Testament, so are pre-Christian, ie Jewish as well.

Brought up in a strong Methodist family - parents both local preachers; continued to believe at University and joined the Student Christian Movement. Gradually over the (many,many) years my belief has faded. But I do very strongly retain many of the principles about how to live one's life - basically the 10 commandments without the 'god' bit.

I was baptised a Catholic as my mother was RC. She never attended church but sent me to go alone! I started school in Australia at St Joan of Arc's RC School but thereafter attended C of E and other schools when we returned to England. I was a very questioning child and, having been scared witless by tales of guilt and sin and everlasting torments in hell, I figured out for myself by the age of twelve that a 'loving' God would scarcely be so cruel as to toast me forever for comparatively mild sins. If he was so mean then I was going to hell anyway so I could reject him without extra punishment.

Once I had thought this out the rest of my beliefs withered away. Now I am an atheist but I count myself as a cultural Christian as I was raised in a Christian value system and am quite moral. I also love the festivals, ceremonies, art, music and architecture. The bible is a stonkingly good read and has much of value in it, not to mention admiring the towering prose of the King James' version.

It seems to me that the Christian tradition has definite benefits, not the least amongst them belief in free will and equality of worship between the sexes.

So I suppose I could call myself a Christian atheist.

Fran, plus the repentance bit!

Doesn't God go on after the ten commandments to tell man how to treat his slaves and the best way to sell off his daughters?
My mother, who was the loveliest person you could meet, was a high church Anglican so my sister and I went to Sunday School etc. I'm not sure I would have been brave enough to say so at the time but really I stopped believing in the 'supernatural' side of it at the age of about nine. I wasn't aware until much later but my dad was an atheist. He never minded us being brought up in the church or said anything about it. I continued to make my mum happy and am confirmed. I used to go with her to midnight mass at Christmas because it made her happy and of course found it a lovely experience.
I don't really understand why they need the 'miracle' bits. I have quite a few religious friends and find it hard to believe that they really believe in some of the stuff. Could it be that they just try not to think of it? My son who is like me an atheist accuses me of solipsism over that issue. (You educate them just so they can criticise you in a more erudite way.)
When we went to a funeral of a friend's wife a couple of years ago I was open mouthed as the priest spoke about how she would now be talking to her father and mother. Actually her mother was in the church and she never spoke to her father when he was alive but that's not the point.
Another problem is that if I were to mention these and other things I find it hard to accept that they really believe I would feel like I was poking fun at my friends' beliefs and perhaps in a way I am.
It's not easy and I'm sure I annoy some people but no miracles, no God, no afterlife and we are all equally valuable.

Good posts anni .

I have read with interest all the comments from other Gransnet users and feel really sad. I can see how peoples bad experience of churches has actually put you all off God himself. I AM A CHRISTIAN. I haven't always been. I was brought up by parents who didn't really believe but encouraged me to go to Sunday school. Again like others I began to teach sunday school with my friend when I was a teenager but gave it up when I discovered boys, saturday nights out and my husband. I was an occasional church goer - Christmas, Easter, weddings, funerals etc. BUT when I had my first child the miracle of life suddenly struck me and I began to ask questions. I can remember wanting to be so good and perfect that I told myself that one day I would get up and do everything right from getting up to going to bed. I didn't last a minute. I began to go to Church and really got alot out of what I was hearing - it made sense. I began to go more and more. I can honestly say in the 30-40 years that I have been a Christian I have got to know a God (not rules and regulations) that loves me. I don't know how I faced the problems of life before I could ask Him about it. I have been through some very tough times and that's when you realise how God as your back even in the midst of turmoil. I don't know what I would do without Him. I don't feel I have had to give up loads of things or live by rules or regulations but have known such help,love and an ability to cope with difficulties that I couldn't muster up myself.

Can I recommend Him. There's nothing like the Christian life - exciting, stretching, fulfulling, in a word life changing.

If you truly believed in God isnt it impossible not to believe? 'God is truth' black is black white is white you can't train your brain to think black is green white is blue because in truth you know it isn't, so maybe people get lost in life with circumstances or hard times and take their eyes off God, maybe blaming Him, the blessing is he doesn't take His eyes off you if you truly believed you are His and He loves and cares for you and there will forever be that knowledge in you. Atheists can't say love doesn't exist, yet 'God is love' we all need to feel loved it's a tough place without a smile, a touch a helping hand. You can learn and explain a bit about matter in this expanse but you can't and never will explain the soul. Got a gripe about it all? talk to Him he can take all your rants, anger, confusion to show you the truth more than any forums or professors. Choose not to? Your choice completely BUT we shouldn't knock each other for having a faith or deprive ourselves because of bad times, a bit of doubt or whatever, God is the same yesterday today and forever He is still there loving you just the same waiting, caring for you, we are the weak ones with thoughts all over the place, fickle, turn your eyes to Him once again and Believe. Nothing to lose .. All to gain Hallelujah

Interesting! I do not belong to any church and after attending an Alpha Course I still do not 'Believe' in a 'god'. During my long life so much has been learned scientifically about the history of the Universe no way can the description in the Bible be 'true'. It is a creation by the early population to explain what they knew of their existence on this planet.

All the different religions in all parts of the world are the same in that they try to explain to their local people what life, the world is all about and they all condemn war and and bad behaviour between people.

So, Be good, kind, considerate, polite & etc. and you will be following 'Christian' principles but it is not necessary to attend a church.

p.s. For Funerals try the Humanist Society.... Great!...

All I can say is try Him - you definitely won't regret it He really does do what He promises and who wouldn't want that!

Trinity Re your not having to give up things in order to follow the Christian Faith, a lot depends upon when you became a Christian , and to which denomination you belonged.I feel that I missed out during my student years, because back then in my church, pre marital sex was a no no, as was drinking alcohol.!!!Im not saying I would have liked a life of debauchery, but my social life was certainly lacking in spark!!

I was brought up in the Christian Brethren and saw more sexual and physical abuse in my childhood than you would credit. I left as soon as I could and was amazed to find that the 'wicked heathen
world' I was told I was being protected from was a caring and loving place, far more so than home. Fortunately because of the conflict between what I was told and what I saw the brainwashing never stuck, unlike most of the rest of my generation who are still enmeshed in it. If anyone tells me they are a Christian I walk away.
Btw I sat with a 95yr old distant relative while she was dying, she was a wonderful, kind, upright Christian lady who had lived a very virtuous life as far as I could see, but despite (or because of) her beliefs she was terrified of dying because of the thought of facing her judgement day. What a way to die. Comfort in the thought of a god? You must be joking. For me there's much more comfort in the thought that there isn't.

Pamgran been to a few humanist funerals bit cold but each to his own, not for me. I agree Christian principles are excellent for us mortals here on earth but faith is ultimately for the unseen and the promise of eternal life. As for the bible being untrue , is it ? Was the only explanation of the earth explained with the limited knowledge and understanding they had in the old testament? Can man prove it with a little scientific evidence now ? I think only if you want it to. In many years to come (if we are here) people will look back to today and think our knowledge was unexplainable and pathetic simply because they will of obtained new knowledge. Did the first medicine/resusitation prove God didn't exist and we are our own destiny ..no. We are learning more and more but where does knowledge come from who gives it at any given time and what are we doing with that knowledge? Would I want to be in mans hands or God's? well that's a no brainer, I have a future and a Hope in God's hands, I see man destroying man and planet with no care for humanity, our priorities are greed. We have a negligible measure of the amount knowledge that could be had yet the saying is 'a little knowledge is a dangerous thing' ....meaning a little knowledge can mislead people to think they know more than they do. Yes I love progression, technology etc but my faith for a future is with God.

I agree with Pamgran. I was brought up in a non conformist church, my father was the minister but my parents were not at all narrow or forbidding. They had a pretty liberal outlook. I went on to be a lay preacher and was a keen Christian. It was at university that I began to doubt - I'm afraid that was due to the Christian Union tryinng to evangelise and having a very literal interpretation of the Bible and an emotional form of service. I preferred to use my brain.

I was taught that The Old Testament was written by people trying to make sense of the world around them and I do not think any of it should be taken literally. In fact Jesus said I am the new covanent and with reference to the 10 commandments he said the only commandments we needed were to love God and love your neighbour as yourself. Although I still go to church ( not very often) I have gradually lost my faith but do think that Jesus' teachings are worth following. The lovely nativity story is I think made up to convince people that he was the Messiah as predicted in the old testament. If Joseph was not his father, why does th bible make such a thing of him being descended from David (via Joseph!)
My husband and I have also discussed what we should do about funerals as neither of us are keen on a church one as not sure what if anything we believe. We did go to an absolutely beautiful Humanist one which could be the answer but not sure if we'd have the courage. All my family ( brothers, their children &grandchildren) are keen church goers. Not our own children I'm afraid!

Do you believe in there being a sparkly white person in the sky called God?
Or that someone can walk on water, etc?
Religion is a tool used by those in power to gentle the masses.
Kings of England told everyone they were chosen by God.
Very convenient.

Atqui I appreciate your sentiment. I have learnt over the years with God that when He would rather I didn't do it's always because He offeres something better my husband drinks (in moderation) which means that we can enjoy an evening outor social occasion without feeling the worse for wear. Being married to a Christian husband actually enriches out intimate life! I think it's Churches and organisations that have given people a bad experience. There's alot of misunderstanding out there - I've found it's best to go to the source Himself - you might be surprised.

I was sexually abused by the Priest's brother at the age of 7yrs old...watched by the Priest. How can I believe in a fair & loving God & Catholicism? My 'Church' is the hills, mountains & countryside. Nature is now where my 'spirituality' lies. I no longer believe in man-made rules of the Church.

I think that sometimes, it is sadly necessary to separate the behaviour of some people who profess to be Christian, from what they do which is clearly not suitable Christian behaviour at all.

I was brought up in a very Methodist home with my Dad and Grandad both being lay preachers, I retained my faith for many years and met my .now late, DH at a Methodist Church.
My view of Christianity was beginning to wane before I lost my DH and then my younger daughter, 16 months later,
I soon found out who supported me most during those very difficult times and , with a few exceptions , the most supportive friends were, and still are, atheists. The response from Christian friends was minimal, apart from one lovely genuine couple who I still see regularly.
I can no longer believe in a 'Good God' and do not attend church any more.
I found support and friendship at a local Buddhist Centre ,which I attend regularly. Their attitude is so genuine and relates to life much more than any church sermon, in my opinion, They welcome everyone, regardless of religion. or not. I have no intention of becoming a Buddhist, but value time spent there greatly.

The trouble is when your so angry with religion. But a seed has been planted from childhood.
I have nothing to do with any formal religion.
And I envy anybody who is an atheist

I was a fairly regular church C of E )goer for much of my life. My parents were not. As an adult I was quite involved with church activities locally and in the choir.

I cannot pin point when or why but I found myself questioning what I really believed and why. Although like trendygran I found the same when I needed support. Thinking about the attitudes of people I knew , both church goers , believers and non believers. The more I thought about it and discussed it the less certain I was about the whole religion thing.

Nowadays I try to treat others as I would like to be treated and if asked my religion, I would say I have none.

Deni1 I have been to a number of funerals , not sure if they have been Humanist, but certainly non-religious and they have been some of the nicest and most intimate. The services have been about the person and their lives and the people they have loved and been loved by.