Stressed since husband retired

Essay, THANK YOU SO MUCH for the laugh. I’m sure you didn’t intend it to be so funny, but I’m picturing this methodic retired man rushing around with pen in hand and another chart to be signed!!!! I can’t remember the last time I had a good laugh and it’s really done me good after illness. Thank you again.

leave him alone, carry on seperately or divorce

When my father in law retired at 65 he tried sitting in his chair with the paper and a cigarette until mum in law stood in front of him with the vacuum cleaner and said this is your job now, house too top to bottom. He did it. Another day it was the outside broom to do sweeping. He did it. Another day it was the washing up with a pair of marigolds. When we saw them a few days later he was laughing and saying he had no idea there was so much to do, hardly time to read his newspaper. He enjoyed this physical role having been office bound but very sadly for us he died within 18 months. He was so special and willing. He just needed to be told.

Why oh why do men retire but expect everything to be the same - except with a wife as an add-on servant?

Selfish bastards!

Mention of know-it-all husbands made me smile. I have a fridge magnet which says:

"When I married Mr Right, I didn't know his middle name was always"

It fits the bill!

Esmay

One of my friends thought that her life would be lovely when her husband took early retirement.
He used to enjoy gardening and cooking .
They were quite happy together .
Since he's retired he has become unbearable .
He follows her everywhere and criticises her non stop .
He's made charts which have to be signed!
It's obviously displacement activity .
He doesn't have enough to do and he's bored.
But she is now finding any excuse to go out
as far away from him as possible.
He reminds me of Richard Briers in Ever Decreasing Circles .
It's funny ,but it's sad .

Charts? To be signed?
That would get short shrift from me 🤨.

Esmay "He's made charts which have to be signed!" That's what two words beginning F and O were invented for :D

My mum found my dad a nice little morning only messenger job when he retired…My dad was back home for lunch and if the weather was nice they would jump in the car and go off somewhere nice for a few hours..the rest of the week he had his hobbies and various friends..

See if you can persuade him to use headphones for at least part of his TV viewing day then at least you won't be battling through constant noise. Other than that carry on as if he was still at work, and do whatever you would have done for companionship if he'd not retired.

U3a. Local groups everywhere. Tons to do and learn about. Surely there’s be something there that he’d be interested in which he could go to on his own, and possibly make friends there. The time apart may make him appreciate your time together more.

My husband took over the ironing and washing and household maintenance when he retired and after 40 years of childcare and a very busy job I was very happy. He's not particularly sociable but potters about in his workshop with his own hobbies. I go go out for lunch, pursue my hobbies, go to WI etc etc, floating about all over the place. I have never tried to change him, and he supports all my varied interests.
We live a perfectly amicable life and meet at meal times to discuss our days.
Marriage should be about helping each other to be the best version of ourselves in my view.
Perhaps try not expecting him to be something he isn't?

My OH would spend all day reading newspapers and books in silence. We are very happy but live very independent lives. I go out alone all the time, belong to groups and volunteer . He takes the dog for a walk. The TV is never on until after the evening meal as he hates frivolous programmes. I just slot in with his preferences. I have lots of female friends, he a few male ones and is happy that way. I will not change him now and I need social interaction. The only real time in others company together is with our family.

MT62

He doesn’t sound like a bad old sausage does he?
Better than vertical drinking all day.
Yes I agree with you could be much, much worse- no partner at all 😞

To basghetti & all the others who have lost partners 😞

He doesn’t sound like a bad old sausage does he?
Better than vertical drinking all day.
Yes I agree with you could be much, much worse- no partner at all 😞

My partner has the tv on all the time starting with Good Morning Britain which he then goes on to tell me later in the day how annoying he finds it ( I’m not a morning person). It’s why I spend a lot of my time sat upstairs either reading or on my iPad listening to podcasts or on various forums.

A lot of men are happy with their own company, your description of your pre retirement social life hinging on your contacts is common.
You write that your husband enjoys exercise, that’s a good thing. I’d be wary of suggesting things such as U3A without investigating first, all U3As are not equal in quality.
Organising various days out and activities for you both might spark an interest or hobby that you could both enjoy together.

Very true notgran.

I'm reminded of Hyacinth Bucket and how she reacted when her husband retired. What has to be acknowledged is it is his home too and possibly he paid a lion's share of it's purchase price etc. Therefore as I think you will realise you have to leave him alone to decide for himself what he wants to do in his own home and with his time. You have had the exclusive run of your home and now it's time to share.

Jimjam1

Yes I feel exactly the same. I have run a household and worked for fifty years. Then retirement came for both of us. I thought of walks in the countryside, going out for lunch together just pottering around together. Nothing like that has happened. My husband has become an expert gardener, a chef, housekeeper. A right know it all !! He is sat here now snoring and twitching his feet. I love him to bits but I can’t seem to get on with household chores without him interfering. I get the bus into town most days. We are constantly bickering as he thinks he knows best about everything. Drives me crazy.

I’d take all of those thanks very much. Expert chef, gardener & house keeper 😂
Seriously though I know what you mean.
Do you not go on holiday?

Leopards and spots come to mind OP.
You do you.

It’s no good comparing yourself to other couples it’ll just make you feel resentful. The grass may sometimes seem greener but it still needs cutting.

Try to love and appreciate what you DO have.

Basgetti

I wish my husband was still here and able to annoy me.

I’m sure many of the other widows on here are thinking the same this morning when reading this. The OP ought to feel blessed her husband is still around.

I wish my husband was still here and able to annoy me.

Trisha99

*SueDonim-As a friend once described to me, retirement is twice as much husband on half as much money*

Brilliant!

That one was in my head this morning too!

My experience is that most of the going out and doing things is done by the women, many men just don’t have the same need to chat and be with other people. I see friends and go to a couple of art groups and U3A. DH has his hobbies at home and attends some U3A meetings. Admittedly I guess we are much older than you. I wonder if you could start by planning a day out together each week a NT property or a garden, shopping centre and lunch, anything really. Certainly U3A

Truffle43

Thanks everyone for your opinions ideas etc. selfishly I wasn’t thinking about how he would feel being pushed to join in that gave me food for thought. He despises DIY I tackle most jobs myself. I think it will have to be me socialising and if he wants to join in well that’s good enough for me. Thank you all

It's OK to be selfish!