Husband I think is looking for divorce after 50 years.

Your marriage sounds absolutely terrible.
I think that you are afraid of him .
I understand.
When he's out on one of his walks -do some research on his finances.
But be careful.
Have you got a good friend to help and advise you ?
Don't forget -you are fully entitled to half.

It is bandied about too easily, we discussed this on another thread recently, probably better to talk of "tendencies" on the whole unless it's a professional opinion.

So - don't let him pin a label on you, either

and phone that solicitor.

The term narcissist is overused. Genuine narcissistic personality disorder needs to be professionally diagnosed.

Narcissism exists in all of us to a greater or lesser degree. We can all seem self-absorbed at times and arrogant.

It doesn’t solve anything in this situation to be labelling one another.

You said yourself this could be sorted out amicably if he decides he wants out. You haven’t described a happy marriage so I’m struggling to understand why you want to hold onto him.

You can’t be so much younger than him if you have state pension, at most, nine years younger.

As others have said, see a solicitor to discuss your legal and financial rights and if you are genuinely scared of him and his mental state speak to the police. They will remove his guns.

I do know what a narcissist is my mother was one. She caused so much havoc and pain for her family.

What Hurt is him saying that I've turned into my mother. As far as I know you can't turn into a narcissist, you're born that way.

Fancy that. Don’t you believe it ‼️

Print off every financial statement and see a solicitor tomorrow.

If you are younger than him, plan to enjoy the rest of your life.

Most solicitors will offer a free initial consultation so you could get some advice. Also, you could seek relationship counselling on your own which can be very helpful to put your thoughts and feelings in order. Knowledge is power - seek professional, impartial advice.

Gwyllt

A word. Just remember a narc will accuse you of their own faults !!!! and more Depends how self aware he is

Just what I had been thinking.

But I would have thought, after 50 years of marriage, that a wife would know if her DH was a narc by now.

Poppyred - When I went through a divorce the solicitor said I wasn't legally allowed to change the locks as martial home was jointly owned.

Visgir1

"So explain to me how he thinks he can still reel in a younger wealthy woman?"... It's could all in his head.
It might just be a nice lady who has a chat with him, to be friendly.
So people get odd fixations.

Likely to be this, or gold digger!

A word. Just remember a narc will accuse you of their own faults !!!! and more Depends how self aware he is

"So explain to me how he thinks he can still reel in a younger wealthy woman?"... It's could all in his head.
It might just be a nice lady who has a chat with him, to be friendly.
So people get odd fixations.

Hope you have an ‘out of town account’!

welshmist

Silvershadow

Why not sell the bungalow and start again. Take legal advice. If he’s prone to violence, move out surely.

I don't want to move. He could buy a property at twice the value tomorrow. I have good neighbours, two of my children and five grandchildren are nearby.

In that case, negotiate (or have a lawyer do it on your behalf) that you keep the bungalow and he moves elsewhere.

It sounds as if that might suit both of you. If he's been "researching" divorce then he already knows he's going to have to come to some financial agreement.

You are in an advantageous position that you handle all the money so you can work out what settlement you need to cover solo bills and lifestyle post divorce.

If it's possible he's developing dementia, your choices are, get out while he still has mental capacity to make and sign legal and financial decisions.

Or stay in a situation that is only going to get far worse.

Wow! Time now to tell your story to a matrimonial lawyer, get proper legal advice and take action to protect yourself for the future. Don’t waste any more time on him, you need to look to that future.

And, look on the bright side : you have all the details, especially all the important financial ones. It doesn’t matter how he sneers, puts you down, rants or brags - and you shouldn’t care if he’s showing ‘early signs’ of anything or you feel he should seek medical advice. Forget all that, just get advice and focus on organising a way out of your stressful and unpleasant life. You’ve worked at building a good life for both of you. There’s no reason why you should now do anything, accept things, or move anywhere that you don’t want.

At least half of the monies amassed in this long marriage is your entitlement, so go and get help and advice. Don’t let him and this latest bad behaviour wear you down.

Never give up…..it’s your time now. Good luck.

Thankyou Plevey and Fallingstar

Notagranny44

Is the bungalow in joint names?
After a marriage of that length you would be entitled to 50% of everything if he decides he wants to divorce. What someone said previously about dementia is also something to consider.
As you have been doing the financials I expect that you know where the money is, so at least, if either of you decides to divorce, you will know what's what.
So sorry he is being so nasty to you. I wish you all the best and from my own experience I know that divorce is far, far better than an unhappy marriage.

Absolutely. Yes it's hard alone at times but my goodness better, better, than him in your head and your life.

Have a long chat with a good family solicitor privately asap.

Know what your rights and entitlements are. Legally and financially. Talk to her if you suspect squirrelled away money.

Under the current "no blame" divorce laws either of you can initiate it.

Well done CrazyH 👏🏽👏🏽

CrazyH, good for you. You've come away with financially what you deserved and you now have your autonomy, choices and self respect after living with a philanderer. He may well get his just deserves, things can turn round and bite you on the bum 😜

Notagranny44

"So explain to me how he thinks he can still reel in a younger wealthy woman?

How desperate are some women?"

He's probably delusional!

You would be really surprised how determined some women are to find a partner, whether there is a financial incentive or not.
A recently widowed friend of mine 78 has been "adopted" by a lady, despite him being very "hard to get", she is actually very nice, financially well off and would suit him well. Nevertheless he is being quite difficult

It takes all kinds

Why not consult a solicitor and change the locks when he’s out. Enoughs enough!

*kind of torment

This just sounds dreadful. Get good financial advice and a good solicitor and get out of this marriage. Life is too short to put up with this kind torment.
All the best 💐

I think it doesn’t matter what you know about the finances, because it would be your word against his in a divorce settlement, so you will still need copies to prove it. Don’t let the bungalow hold you back from divorce, the chances are that you won’t love it any more after that, and he will know where you live, in an isolated property where he can still hassle you. In my opinion it would be better to start afresh somewhere else far removed from the memories of a violent marriage, surely?

"So explain to me how he thinks he can still reel in a younger wealthy woman?

How desperate are some women?"

He's probably delusional!