DH wanting to go on holiday all the time and then angry because I can’t do as much as he wants to do.

Well I think he’s being selfish but that said, there does seem to be a man thing where they just can’t stay put on holiday. On your cruise, why not stay in the port and take it easy, not straying too far, and leave him to do his thing. ( he may surprise you if he knows you’re not joining him). He’ll have to get back for the ship sailing anyway. For future holidays, unless it’s somewhere you both want to go to, let him go on his own. Lots of couples holiday separately these days.

Plevey08

Glammagrans post made me laugh 🤣 Could be the perfect answer 'the cruise ship leaving without him!'

Talking of that, dh and I have only ever been on a very short cruise, to Ghent and Amsterdam, after being persuaded by my Dbro and SiL, who are avid cruisers and thought to change our mindset, which was largely anti. (And TBH didn’t change.)

We had a very nice afternoon in Ghent, but when it was time to return to the ship (some distance away) there were no taxis to be found! At least half a dozen others were in the same boat (pardon the pun) and when we asked in sundry cafes where we could find a cab, we were told that they were invariably very scarce on Friday afternoons, since all the university students were going home!
(Since when can students afford cabs? - but I digress.)

Eventually we did manage to find one to take all of us back to the ship, more or less ,on time, but the ship was late leaving anyway, since apparently a couple of the crew had exactly the same trouble!

Moral of the story, if in Ghent on a Friday afternoon, don’t bank on finding a cab!

Been in the same situation as stansgran and couldn't understand why MrCC wanted to traips of everywhere instead of exploring the placed we'd docked at. I soon realised that a pretend migraine gave me my free time and he'd go off on his explorations. I usually have at least one day laid low with a 'migraine' on every holiday. Recommend it.

Thankyou Norah

Madgran77

The real issue here is his selfishness frankly! Which I suspect spreads wider than holiday activities!

Anyway the suggestion of "broken" record" is a good one as in:

" I am not willing to travel from the ports we land in. You can go if you want to" ......repeat ...repeat..."I understand you dont like my choice. I am not willing ...." repeat ...repeat ...

And eventually "I am not going to change my mind. You decide what you would like to do but I will not be joining you" ...repeat ...repeat ..."There is no point discussing this any further. I will not change my mind. This is right for me" ...repeat once then don't respond.

And I suggest leaving the room and leaving him to it when you feel is tbe right moment 💐

Brilliant!

glammagran

Stansgran your DH can’t just wander off without a firm plan because if he does not return on time, the cruise ship will leave without him.

Not keeping to time would be HIS problem.

Proper planning would solve.

Glammagrans post made me laugh 🤣 Could be the perfect answer 'the cruise ship leaving without him!'

It seems a bit harsh to say the wife felt her age rather too early, aonk. We are all different.

DH never seems content to just do i thing on a trip out.

We are going to the theatre in London soon and I have had to stop him fitting in a trip to the Tower of London before and then something else in the evening. It spoils the enjoyment if you have to clock watch.

On holiday next week I will drive him a distance away from the hotel and then go back via the shops and wait for him to arrive back in time for tea.

My neighbours went on cruises successfully for many years but more recently the wife seemed to feel her age rather too early. She started hating hot weather and walking any distance. After a period of adaptation her husband simply began doing the trips he wanted while she relaxed on board the ship. It worked eventually but took time!

Im guessing that could be a result 😳🤣

Stansgran your DH can’t just wander off without a firm plan because if he does not return on time, the cruise ship will leave without him.

The real issue here is his selfishness frankly! Which I suspect spreads wider than holiday activities!

Anyway the suggestion of "broken" record" is a good one as in:

" I am not willing to travel from the ports we land in. You can go if you want to" ......repeat ...repeat..."I understand you dont like my choice. I am not willing ...." repeat ...repeat ...

And eventually "I am not going to change my mind. You decide what you would like to do but I will not be joining you" ...repeat ...repeat ..."There is no point discussing this any further. I will not change my mind. This is right for me" ...repeat once then don't respond.

And I suggest leaving the room and leaving him to it when you feel is tbe right moment 💐

Why can’t he go on his own? My dh has been away several times on trips I’m not interested in, or e.g. because there would be extreme heat or jet lag involved (I don’t sleep well anyway.)

He’s soon going on another that I've opted out of because it’s almost certainly going to be stinking hot!

I would want to know the reason he wants to wander off frequently.
Being adventorous?
Grass is always greener?
Been at those pleaces multiple times before?

If you can work out the reason, you may just be able to sort out the problem. Or compromise. Or not.

The op has booked a cruise.
And still he wants to wander off.

He is being unreasonable, just don't go on trips you do not want to. Just say sorry you're not up to it just want to relax, he should go and have a nice time. If he says it wont be nice without you reply but I don't want to. Do hope he is not a sulker as they are tricky, but I still wouldn't be manipulated to do it.

He sounds like my ex husband ( note the word ex). On holiday he always hired bikes and went off cycling when I was happy to sit on the beach and read or take myself off on a walk. As for any sort of disability he just shrugs things like that off. Couldn’t understand why, when I was heavily pregnant, I couldn’t do the things I usually did. In retrospect I think he’s somewhere on the spectrum but when I was younger and still married to him I didn’t know about things like that. For want of a more technical term he just poo poo’s everything and lacks any sort of empathy. I’m not sure that assertiveness works with people like that.

I've recently faced a reset with someone significant and with a certain amount of power over me:

I made the huge mistake of apologising and constantly over explaining.

But the person was simply unable to understand and I should have seen that.

In the end I simply said end of we'll talk a bout this and that but not "go there" again. It actually worked.

M0nica

You need to be equally selfish. You have booked the cruise, tell him that he is absolutely free to go on as many excursions as he wants. You are staying on the ship

You do not want to go on them so you do not go. He has a choice go on the excursions alone or stay on the boat. Do not permit any recriminations. Shut them down and walk out of the room.

I agree.

Yes you may have to do what you have not before, which is stand up to him in this regard.

He has no right to demand that you do what you do not wish. It is controlling and unreasonable and if he throws a tantrum is being manipulative.

By all means, if you cant face a full on confrontation, say what MissA suggests, except that that will only last a long as your medical condition its very marked. He could suggest for example, " oh we'll get a taxi to go x or Y"

But you may be surprised that he accepts it if you stand firm and continue to do so.

Its called the "broken record" technique in Assertiveness.

"The broken record technique is an assertive communication strategy where you calmly and consistently repeat a single, clear phrase to set a boundary or refuse a request.

First popularized by psychologist Manuel J. Smith, it mimics a scratched vinyl record player that loops the same part of a song over and over.

The core goal is to prevent you from being sidetracked, manipulated, or trapped into over-explaining your choices

This is a chance to reset a habit of years?

Oh yes, easy to say, hard to do!

I’m fortunate, on a cruise we both enjoy a mix of sitting on the balcony just looking out or enjoying a quiet ship on port days. We settle on an occasional organised trip and have booked just two during our forthcoming week long cruise.

A sort of compromise could be if you’ve the details of the trips available checking quietly to see if there is one you’d feel able to enjoy. If there is you could tell him you’ll go with him on that one but no others as medically you won’t be fit enough to do so. You really can’t risk damaging your hip. He can then select which others he’d like to do or at which ports he wants to arrange an independent visit. He’ll find plenty of solo travellers.

I’m so sorry you’re under this pressure. I wonder if your husband has always behaved in this way or if its a change for him. If so perhaps think about his health and how he is at home.

Good luck!

Madmeg

I vote for a cruise. We have been on several including round the World. Whilst there are plenty of couples they aren't all joined at the hip and often their interests are different, so they "pal up" with like-minded people and do their own thing. On our first cruise I would have been nervous at doing this but now see how simple and rewarding it is.

I reckon its ideal for couples with different needs.

I agree.

We love River Cruises. When my knee was acting out, I could only walk the easy excursions, my husband walked the more difficult routes.

Brilliant.

I vote for a cruise. We have been on several including round the World. Whilst there are plenty of couples they aren't all joined at the hip and often their interests are different, so they "pal up" with like-minded people and do their own thing. On our first cruise I would have been nervous at doing this but now see how simple and rewarding it is.

I reckon its ideal for couples with different needs.

Blame your gp.
Say he/she has told you to rest.
Plant yourself down with something nice to drink, and a book, and flatly refuse to move.

Has DH been to many places already in his life?

My neighbour always goes on a cruise. She is happy to stay on board or at the port while her friends do the trips.