Do you know anyone like this?

She777

I don’t think it’s vindictive or deliberate, I think she is desperately lonely and needs to be loved. You said she is kind and generous too. You may be the only people she has to converse with. I know this feeling well.
I can sit at home with my husband and we barely say a word to each other for days on end (no animosity, he is just a quiet man) so when I see other people I never shut up because it’s a lonely life at home.

This really struck home and I believe is probably at the heart of it all. Her older children have left home, she has a DH who pretty much ignores her and a son who never puts down his phone.

The irony is that she is making herself very difficult to be around, so that compounds the loneliness.

I don't know how she developed such poor conversational skills because it wasn't always this way.

I can deal with this from others, but this person is very close to me and I do care for her welfare.

I think I am going to arrange to meet her for coffee somewhere on her own and suggest we just sit in silence for a short while and see where that goes. We all know there are things she isn't saying to us that she really needs to get out, and I think she is covering up the real conversations with ones that are trivial and unimportant.

Thankyou all so much for your considered and kind replies.

I feel so much better now.

Ever thought she might have tinnitus? And can’t bear the silence around her because all she’d otherwise hear is whistling and noise in her ears?

I have a relative who has tinnitus and this was what I thought of too when reading the OP. My family member talks A LOT and also she can't switch her brain off (that's how I describe it) so any conversation which mentions a place, a person a problem etc. causes her to get out her phone or iPad, Google the item and then tell us what she has read. This drives me mad sometimes particularly when we are out for a walk and she is consulting a screen as we go along. She also relates everything you say to herself so if you maybe talk about a holiday a friend just had, or recount what you did last week she will then talk about someone she knows who went there or did that.

Oreo

Gingster

My great friend/old neighbour is very similar.

I’ve known her for over 50 years and she’s always been the same. Loves an audience and tells the same old stories over and over.

If there’s someone new to the group, she’s over the moon.
It can become waring but we all put up with it because she’s a very good friend.

Another lady who comes to our Bridge club, hums continually .
It’s like having a bumble bee in the room and is very distracting. She was on our table for afternoon tea last week and still the humming continued. She’s a nervy lady but very sweet. No one has said anything to her for fear of upsetting her.

😄

Very distracting if you’re trying to work out if you’re next bid should be 4NT😁.

Personally I wouldn’t say anything as it would make her very self conscious and she wouldn’t be able to concentrate on her play. Difficult for all.

Keepingquiet. I’m also wondering if she might have ADHD as compulsive talking is one of the symptoms.

Funnily enough I also come from a quiet family beachcomber76. which is probably why I don’t find it easy to let noisy people and environments wash over me, like some folk are able to. Sensory overload? Is that the expression?

My thoughts are ADHD, I have been looking into this myself lately and it seems a way of keeping yourself “safe” and grounded… even the singing. Has she always been like this?

haired?? Haven’t read, that should say!

I have to confess that I haired the whole thread. I empathise with you.
I live next door to someone similar to your relative who has mental health issues and doesn’t pick up on social cues at all. She fixates on things, be they health matters, problems with her home or car. She speaks in the most monotone voice and I find it difficult to get away from her. She has no idea of keeping things to herself and I was very surprised when she informed me that she had been talking to her hairdresser about a minor problem I had with my property.
I’d never tell her anything in confidence!
I wish that I could offer some suggestions to help with your relative, but I can unfortunately.
Wishing you well. 😊

Her behaviour can surely not be normal. She needs to be examined by a Doctor and Psychologist for possible physical and mental health problems.

Feel very for you all.

Hope you can get something sorted soon.

Yes! Jennifer Eccles it's a constant theme I find.

I steer away from loud, centre of attention people full stop. I think it's probably because everyone in my family was a quiet person, so that's what I got used to growing up and was the norm.

Also I realise within our family we had proper conversation - in turn, give and take, listen as well as talk etc., so a good example was demonstrated and learnt. My family now are all quiet types too, even the 4 grandchildren [though all have their moments!}

So it could be a nurture/upbringing thing, something we learn in the home...and some nature/personality thrown in.

She777

I don’t think it’s vindictive or deliberate, I think she is desperately lonely and needs to be loved. You said she is kind and generous too. You may be the only people she has to converse with. I know this feeling well.
I can sit at home with my husband and we barely say a word to each other for days on end (no animosity, he is just a quiet man) so when I see other people I never shut up because it’s a lonely life at home.

I think you’re right.

Gingster

My great friend/old neighbour is very similar.

I’ve known her for over 50 years and she’s always been the same. Loves an audience and tells the same old stories over and over.

If there’s someone new to the group, she’s over the moon.
It can become waring but we all put up with it because she’s a very good friend.

Another lady who comes to our Bridge club, hums continually .
It’s like having a bumble bee in the room and is very distracting. She was on our table for afternoon tea last week and still the humming continued. She’s a nervy lady but very sweet. No one has said anything to her for fear of upsetting her.

😄

I don’t think it’s vindictive or deliberate, I think she is desperately lonely and needs to be loved. You said she is kind and generous too. You may be the only people she has to converse with. I know this feeling well.
I can sit at home with my husband and we barely say a word to each other for days on end (no animosity, he is just a quiet man) so when I see other people I never shut up because it’s a lonely life at home.

You’ve noticed the same as me beachcomber76 !

There’s always one person in every cafe or restaurant, isn’t there? !
I’ve almost started to listen out for who nearby is dominating the conversation at their table, because without fail there will be one.
I have to reluctantly say though, it’s invariably a woman, and yes, the conversation is pretty well aways about themselves.

I’ve known a few like this.

The one I saw the most at least knew she was like it. I’d wait for her to finish what she was saying and then go back to what I’d been saying.

I’d go walking with another and, when he suggested he’d count our steps I didn’t disagree! Again, he generally knew what he was like. I did get fed up the time he asked me the same question three times and each time let me say two words before turning to dp and starting another topic of conversation. I refused to even start my answer the next time he asked.

The last one was a friend of DP’s. I mind Friend 1 came round whilst she was staying with us and was gobsmacked she couldn’t get a word in sideways, which says something.

In all cases I’d try and switch off and ignore the droning.

Nanna8 I'm assuming you mean "carps on"?! Well I hope so!

You are not her friend

I just know that I used to meet up with a female who talked incessantly - to everyone - all the time. Could hardly get a word in, no silences. It was hard work to get a word in, and quite tiring.

We lost touch but I met up again by chance many years later and she was still the same. All talk was about her and her life and her views and opinions. It was irritating and very hurtful that she couldn't listen when I was suffering a sudden bereavement.

I often go to an area in a local cafe where the small tables are quite close and only sit 2 people. I've noticed often that behind me I am very aware that one person in a pair of friends obviously dominates the conversation and talks quite loudly - about themselves mostly! I hardly hear the other person when they get a word in as they talk softly and briefly anyway - before the louder one interrupts.

By the time I've finished my coffee and cake [and feeling so glad that I'm on my own] my head is spinning from the constant voice behind me and I can't wait to leave. Whatever the reason these personality types are self absorbed and self important with no self awareness. It's all me, me, me. I could not have a friend like that.

I've also noticed, when I look round on my way out to put a face to the voice that the dominant friend is always dressed in a more flamboyant way [look at me!] than the one listening. People watching is fascinating.

Misadventure. Yes, deep seated insecurity perhaps, and, sadly, nervousness. She is aware, but unable to stop talking, as it helps to calm her nerves. Or, so she believes. You should try to understand why she feels insecure, and try to make her feel at ease. Have you asked her what is worrying her, in her life, as something may be, perhaps her mental health has suffered as a result, and that something could just be exacerbating her talkative behaviour. Freezing her out by silencing her is very unkind, and it feels to me like you all are judging your friend quite poorly. This will only make things worse. Just my opinion, I had a talkative friend. I have had some experience of both sides, hence my thoughts are ambivalent on this. I miss my friend now, she died a year ago. I wish I had seen more of her. Like you, I found it hard. I suspect she has health worries, undiagnosed, and hence untreated? Ask her how she is? If you can't meet, try writing a nice card, a letter, or sending her some flowers. Good luck.

Gingster

My great friend/old neighbour is very similar.

I’ve known her for over 50 years and she’s always been the same. Loves an audience and tells the same old stories over and over.

If there’s someone new to the group, she’s over the moon.
It can become waring but we all put up with it because she’s a very good friend.

Another lady who comes to our Bridge club, hums continually .
It’s like having a bumble bee in the room and is very distracting. She was on our table for afternoon tea last week and still the humming continued. She’s a nervy lady but very sweet. No one has said anything to her for fear of upsetting her.

There is name for this, name escapes me now.
But some people have a tune stuck in their head.

Poor lady. Could she possibly be lonely? Lacking daily conversation so she’s making up for lost time? Or anxious? Covering insecurity up with chatter? I’m inclined to talk a lot when I meet up with people I’ve not seen just to try and catch up! Maybe her home is so quiet she’s learned to talk and sing to fill the silence. 🤫

If it’s my husband I’m with, he will sometimes turn to me and whisper “she hasn’t stopped for breath, has she!”

I think that maybe someone close to her should have a chat with her saying that they think she should get herself checked out by her GP as they’ve noticed she seems unable to relax, and it has worried some of you. Or suggest some time for a quiet spa break !!

It sounds absolutely exhausting for the rest of your group, with no easy solution, without risking upsetting the woman concerned.
I do wonder if this is quite common behaviour though as I have noticed it with strangers.

Whenever I am in a cafe or restaurant, almost without fail there is a woman sitting at a table nearby who completely dominates the conversation such an extent that others with her just can’t get a word in edgeways!

Usually the voice is quite loud too, and never mind her companions, I find I’m struggling to concentrate on whatever my husband or friend is saying!

Like I said, exhausting behaviour for everyone else!

I agree with so many of the comments above. However, your relative in all fairness has become difficult to be around.
Often people with Autistic traits or ADHD don’t recognise that about themselves.
You said that her marriage was not good. Would it be at least possible to get an assessment done? Perhaps enlisting her husband or other family members to help and discuss what everyone has noticed?
Does she have children? What have they noticed?
This can’t be pleasant for her. I suspect though that she may not understand what is happening within herself.

A psychiatrist can assess and explain and provide medication if necessary. Certainly that’s the case in Australia. A psychologist can not prescribe.

Good luck. Sx

I have a very good friend and also my sister who do this. When we go away they talk non stop and it’s rarely relevant to the conversation. I have come to the conclusion they do it because they don’t have a voice at home. My friend particularly has a very domineering husband.
I am very comfortable with silence so I do struggle with it but try to be understand and zone out.
Another friend though, who is not as patient, will tell her to stop talking and listen. She is braver than me.