Friends of friends

Enid101 my user name has always been a derogatory reference, but since I chose it, I can hardly be criticised for voluntarily applying it to myself! Of course I would never apply it to anyone else.
It's called self deprecation Enid101.

Well of course that’s now a totally different story Petra

In my defence of my remarks Re the restaurant I would point out that they managed to drink ( with us and our other 2 friends) the 4 bottles of gin we bought on the Ferry.
They bought a bottle of Dubonnet, which they took home with them 😂
Plus they borrowed £100 which we never saw again.
Mean people.

Oh dear, are you jealous of her new friend

I would say that this lady is no longer satisfied with one on one and is trying to triangulate which is not good. Best avoided.

Blimey I think it’s really really dicey saying ‘ can it be just the two of us’ or a similar statement, if someone said that to me, I would think they were looking for a relationship. I would think they were saying ‘I want it to be just the two of us’ for a cosy reason.
I think I d reluctantly see less of Jen, if Pat is as awful as she sounds, because in all honesty if Jen likes Pat that much, she must be more on her wavelength, than she is on yours.

monica you must be very tolerant or it went over your head
Speckie4eyes the saying, not the poster, is a horribly derogatory thing to call anyone, and extremely offensive. I found wearing glasses as a child awful, no one was actually as spiteful as that, but they did make me feel different and things like oh ‘I d hate to wear glasses’ or worse still ‘can I try them on’ followed by ‘ugggg I can’t see anything’ etc etc made me the shy, self conscious child I was.

Petra I m totally with the sister I think it’s awful to split a bill when some have had alcohol and afters and some haven’t
Thankfully I have no friends that do this, we always all put our particular payment in the pot. Perhaps it’s ok for people in a higher income bracket though, as money ( or the lack of it) is less important

Back to the original post now

If Jen suggests meeting up & bringing Pat with her you could say 'well you 2 go ahead & me and you can meet up another time'. There's nothing worse than a third wheel when you don't like them

I would make an arrangement just to see Jen. If she turns up with Pat as well, I’d think she has some sort of agenda that I’m not aware of and probably back off from the friendship.

Enid101

Are you aware that your user name is now considered to be a derogatory insult?

I have wrn glasses since I was 10. I got called the name of the OP. I can honestly say that I never considered it a derogatory insult.

It was a bit silly, but never bothered me. I have been called far worse than that, where I did have good reason to take exception.

Perhaps Jen doesn't feel the same way as you do about your relationship and feels she needs a buffer for some reason. If she doesn't want to get together with just the two of you, then it likely means she doesn't value the friendship as much as you do. I am sorry to say that.

Are you aware that your user name is now considered to be a derogatory insult?

I wouldn’t criticise her friend if she likes her that much, I would suggest lunch and say I will book a table for two and if she says about the other friend coming I’d say I tell you what you see her this week and I will see you next week as I feel I can enjoy our chats more openly when it’s the two of us no offence to pat

I w.ould ask if just the 2 of you can. Meet up in future.Just say you're better in pairs rather than a group .I think alot of people are like this so it wont be offensive . But if your friend keeps questioning then you will have to say you cant get a word in when Pat is there. If your friend takes offense on behalf of Pat then so be it I'm afraid . These loud domineering folk dont bother about the quiet ones feelings when they're rabbiting on do they ?

Petra why should she pay a share of someone else's alcoholic drink and dessert if they didn't have any?! I've been out as a group with some girlfriends and they've drunk a lot of wine and I haven't had anything alcoholic. However, they reduced my bill, which is only right. It's a shame that you got invited back to her house if she's so mean with the drinks.

Once Jen has suggested meeting for lunch perhaps, I would immediately volunteer to book a table for two at xxxx restaurant.
Pat might just feel a little apprehensive in new friendship groups and that is her way of coping, underneath she could be a lovely yet lonely person.
Be kind GNetters, we never know what others are going through.

I would just say I prefer if it were just be the two of us. Leave it to her.

Just tell your friend straight that you would prefer it was just the both of you and she can see her friend at another time. Depending on her response you will soon know if she is a good friend of yours.

Tbh I prefer a group of 3 or more - the conversation never goes dry.
I don’t mind a one-to-one if it was my best friend - sadly, she passed away.

Just say 'Do you mind if it's just us meeting up, as I prefer one to one meet ups and you could meet Pam next time?'

MayBee70

Years ago I arranged a theatre trip with my two dearest friends assuming that, as I got on so well with them they'd love each other. They didn't. Lesson learned.

Been there. Many years ago we booked a holiday with friends.
Out of the blue the female friend asked if we would mind if her sister and family came along ( euro camp)
What could go wrong, it was my friends sister 🤷‍♀️
Before the holiday we all met up to have a meal together.
The first red flag was when the bill came. Like most friends tge bill is shared. The sister pointed out to her husband hadn’t had a desert and she didn’t have any alcohol.
It got worse. The night before we got the ferry we stayed at her house. She asked if we would like a drink. She opened the drinks cupboard with a key, took out the drinks we wanted, poured the drinks and then put the bottles back in the cabinet and locked it
It went seriously down hill after that. She was so mean with food that I told her she could teach Jesus. a thing or two on how to feed a lot of people.

Follow Madgran's advice

Feel like the extra person is a bit of a Bully ? I have experienced this myself and let it go and didnt stand firm ... wish I had now ..

I would probably say I felt a bit like a spare part, if I go out in a threesome, or as politely as possible point out to Jen that Pat is not exactly my cup of tea, nor do I feel she is mine.

If you do not say or do something now, you will only find it harder as time goes on, and may well finish up dropping Jen as well as Pat.

Years ago I arranged a theatre trip with my two dearest friends assuming that, as I got on so well with them they'd love each other. They didn't. Lesson learned.

...sorry Jen is the OP and the friend is Pat so got names the wrong way round above! 🙄