Not coping too well

Jaxjacky reminds you that it's an old problem and TSRITE has asked if you've tried a solution .

Perhaps your husband has an underlying medical or mental problem .
If he won't address it then you'll have to make your own life -
go out and make friends .

Then , you'll living parallel lives

That is what my neighbour has done,but it's a situation which has gone on for years and it's getting worse .
She walks out of the room when he speaks .
I know when she comes home - I can hear the shouting .
She is either at work ,at her daughter's house or at friend 's homes - sometimes not even coming home at night .
I can see their situation changing in nearly five years time when he finally retires .
I think that he'll leave .

Cossy

Reading this has made me so sad, for both of you.

Life cannot be easy for either of you.

I can only suggest you, on your own, get out more, socialise, do a night class, join a choir.

As for your husband, I’d understand it more if you said you were more like friends, or sister and brother, but why do you feel like his mother?

Rearrange the furniture so that when he's watching \TV he's not in your line of sight.

Buy yourself a TV of your own and watch it in a separate room.

Do what you feel is the right thing to do. Search and then you'll know.

That sounds really annoying. Is there any way you can watch television in another room?

It's never too late to make a change and your husband could be around for another 10 years or so. I know it's easy for to me to say do this and that but only you can really make that change.

Oh dear, bigmama, you really are in a rut.

It sounds like you are stuck in a loveless marriage, in fact it sounds like you don't even like your husband very much.

Jaxjacky points out that you've been feeling like this for the last four years. It is a waste of your life to feel so miserable. If you're sure there's no chance of the situation changing, maybe it's time to call it a day and find happiness elsewhere. I wouldn't normally advocate divorce, but your life is miserable at the moment and it sounds like there is an irretrievable breakdown in your marriage, and it's dragging you down.

Spending time alone will help you to find yourself again, when you no longer have to feel like your husband's mother, you can please yourself, do things that you enjoy, join groups and take part in activities that interest you and bring you happiness, fun and joy. If you find love in the future, that will be a bonus.

You owe it to yourself to get out of your miserable situation, your husband may feel the same way. You have a lot of talking to do and I hope you come to a mutually beneficial agreement, for both your sakes 💐.

Your husband annoys you- do you think it is possible you may annoy him?

You say your husband likes to correct you- and you also want to correct him, e.g. his tapping and fidgeting. We can't change other people, we can only change ourselves. Parents try to correct children's behaviour and habits sometimes so maybe that's why you feel like your husband's mother and your lack of desire then fits with his lack of libido?

Sounds like neither of you are happy with each other or your relationship. If both of you are willing and looking to improve things for each other, couples counselling might help. However, if there is no mutual will to change things- like Cossy says- get out more- focus outside your relationship, spend time and energy on things that interest you and doing things you enjoy.

You posted four years ago in March 2022 along similar lines and were given lots of advice, have you tried anything suggested?
His habits sound like they may be anxiety, I wonder how he sees the situation? Have you recently discussed it with him.

Reading this has made me so sad, for both of you.

Life cannot be easy for either of you.

I can only suggest you, on your own, get out more, socialise, do a night class, join a choir.

As for your husband, I’d understand it more if you said you were more like friends, or sister and brother, but why do you feel like his mother?