No one to share things with

The Q&A

46RosiesMawagain
~That’s a horrible suggestion~

Momac55
~What is?~

WithNobsOnIt offered thia advice:
~Get yourself a younger man...on the side. ~

Macadia agrees: that is BAD advice for NannySue 🙁

argymargy

“I really wish I had someone close to share things with”

You’ve got a husband, for goodness sake! If he’s not close what on earth is he for?

What an unkind and unecessary comment.

Sometimes the male of the species can be cut from a different cloth, self sufficient, happy to potter about and spend time on a hobby perhaps.

I competely understand what the OP writes.

You are supposed to feel happier after being with your friends.
I really would try to find a class doing something that interests you and perhaps look at why you are still with those friends.
You have a husband but that doesn't necessarily mean you enjoy the same things or each others company.
My late husband and I were best friends, he had his interests and I had mine but we were always happier together. I have been on loads of holidays with friends and on my own too, but nithing compares to being with him, now I find it more difficult and I don't see those friends much so spend a lot of time alone and am often lonely. I don't do much with family the older I get and can see how isolated I could become. I am surrounded by families that see children every day and holiday together but our family is not like that, I would find it suffocating. They have busy lives and responsibilities now,
I will find different interests to suit how I am now and I hope you do too. We have to keep trying.

“I really wish I had someone close to share things with”

You’ve got a husband, for goodness sake! If he’s not close what on earth is he for?

I dont have any siblings, lost my husband in 2021. I do have three daughters two of which live about 40 minutes away but they have busy lives themselves. I have one that lives nearer but she is self employed in a job that has varying hours. She's there for me if I need her. I dont have any boosum buddies but I have a lot of friends and acquaintances that I socialise with as and when I want to. Some ex work colleagues too who I meet up with every few months for lunch. I can be as busy or as alone as I want or need but not always exactly when I want. I don't like to push it at weekends but I'm not averse to doing things alone. I will keep doing this whilst I'm still able, but I do worry about what will happen if and when I cannot drive or get about independently. Hopefully not for a while yet. I'm almost 74 and been retired for 9 years this August.

Polnan, I am glad you have your faith, you must get a lot of comfort from that. Doesn't your church have a social programme? Coffee mornings? Friendship groups? Bible reading? If not, maybe your town has an over 60s club, knit & natter, tea dances, chair exercises, mahjong, Scrabble or cribbage? A visit to your local library should be able to give you some ideas and contact numbers. I hope you find something you enjoy. It's nice to have things to look forward to 💐.

BlueBelle, you have quite a family there, I'm sorry that so many of them are out of reach. It's sad for you that your friends are in poor health, it can't be easy for you to see their suffering. It sounds like you keep yourself busy, one way or another, the weather should be warming up soon, you can enjoy your allotment and the beach.

If it's company you want, maybe try something like exercise classes for over 60s, art classes, book club, singing group, line dancing or any of the things I suggested to Polnan. There will always be single ladies like yourself, looking for friendship and socialising. You say you talk to anyone and everyone, so you're a confident and outgoing person. I find if you smile at people and start a conversation that usually breaks the ice. I hope you soon find something you enjoy doing and when you get fed up with your own company, you can enjoy the company of others 😀. All the best 💐.

Three fantastic children and seven grandkids, all bar one are scattered around the world 6 for ever, the other 3 travelling or working away.

No siblings no cousins, no aunts or uncles left , parents gone, lived on my own 27 years. Have to make my own entertainment.
Three lovely friends one 9 years older and knows she hasn’t long to live, one getting over brain surgery and will be a long, long recovery Third doesn’t enjoy good health so if and when.
I grab what I can in the way of company when I can and accept when I can’t.
Work and my allotment and the beach keep me sane, I talk to anyone and everyone and my one daughter living nearby, helps whenever I need help ( which I try not to ask too
much of)

The Sunrises in the East.... now this is the problem for me, maybe others.

"
I'm very happy with my own company, always have been, but I can understand that some people enjoy the company of others."

I have never lived alone, my dh died just before covid, nearly7 years ago now,, I managed through with friends I met at church, as I have got older and less able, I am 89 now,, and well blessed for my age, I know that, people keep telling me that and I know that!!! but I am really struggling to enjoy my own company as I am not so frisky now as I usedto be.. Iread what I should do on the web etc... but learning to enjoy ones own company is not easy.

love this thread, yes, I guess I may be a little depressed also, but I refuse to take medication for it, I take enough medications,, and I will beat this... I am very fortunate that I have my Faith.

Polwal

I'm retired. Only child. Both parents passed in the last 3 years.
I'm still grieving this but don't really have friends to speak to about it. Husband is supportive but I don't really think he knows how I feel.
We have grandchildren who are great. But I'm not putting my stresses on to them. They too will have stresses in later life. 💞

That loss cuts very deep.

jakuss - do your 2 sons have children ? If so, you could leave your estate to them - they have done nothing wrong.

I'm retired. Only child. Both parents passed in the last 3 years.
I'm still grieving this but don't really have friends to speak to about it. Husband is supportive but I don't really think he knows how I feel.
We have grandchildren who are great. But I'm not putting my stresses on to them. They too will have stresses in later life. 💞

jakuss

Theres a lot of it about havnt seen my 2 sons since my husbands funeral nearly 3 years ago, my greatest joy is knowing they are getting nothing in my will

That's sad.

Theres a lot of it about havnt seen my 2 sons since my husbands funeral nearly 3 years ago, my greatest joy is knowing they are getting nothing in my will

I understand and empathise completely. I very rarely see my two siblings - we haven’t got much in common anyway. My DH has COPD, sleeps a lot of the time and has become a recluse since COVID. I would love to see more of my daughters, grandchildren and great grandchildren, but I don't drive and haven’t a lot of money. I have a friend who often asks me to go away with her but I can't afford holidays and in any case I would be afraid of leaving my husband alone in case he was taken ill. I do occasionally meet friends for coffee and go to the cinema on my own though. So you are not alone.

Like Rosie's Maw I have to make myself do things. I'm also on my own.
Siblings are fine but both far away so not buddies. Likewise my DC live from Ireland to NZ and places in-between but they're not buddies either.
Even when DH was alive we had many different interests so though we had eachother we didn't rely on eachother for outings.
I can only remember a couple of occasions we shopped together in 50 years.

I join things but don't always go.
I have a few good friends but we don't do regular things together.

You sound as though you may suffer from depression NannySue . Have you considered getting medical help?

Momac55

That’s a horrible suggestion

What is?

That’s a horrible suggestion

I hear exactly what you are saying, we have also just gotten through a grim winter. Sometimes connections are easier in the warm weather. I enjoy a chat with the neighbours when I’m out and about. Family dynamics can be complex and they are not always a source of social support. I wish you a great spring.

In my mid-sixties I madly decided to learn Russian online through mylanguageexchange.com. I was deluged with eager Russian speakers anxious to help me and eleven years on I have seven close, close friends in Eastern European countries and Germany, men and women, mostly younger than myself. I long ago gave up learning Russian, but I still continue in English, with one or two weekly appointments limited to one hour with each person. Now that I am an accomplished conversationalist, we have in-depth discussions or study English literature together.

These friends - mostly otherwise lonely people themselves, now mean more to me than I can ever express and are closer than anybody in this country.

To be honest, in your place I would see less of the friends who are forever talking about all the lovely things they do with their children and grandchildren. To me it does not sound as if they bother to ask what you do, but perhaps they do.

However, as you are sad that you do not have the same kind of relationship to your children, they are rather boasting at your expense, aren't they?

How much opportunity do you have for talking to those you go on group outings with? Some, at least. of them are probably placed much as you are, so you might be able to get to know them a little better.

Any chance of you and your husband doing things together, if you do not already do so.

Since my husband died, our only son lives far away, as do my two sisters-in-law, so no casual dropping in to see them, I volunteer at the local museum, and have join a book reading group and a country dance group.

It does however take time to build up a network of new friends or acquaintances, I don¨t know whether this is due to the tempo of life today, or to our age, but it seems to be a fact, so don't be disappointed if you feel to start off with that you are the odd one out there too.

RosiesMawagain

You do at least have your DH at home to talk to- why won’t he go with you?
Come back to an empty house after a solitary trip to a cinema because it’s Sunday and «everybody» seems to be involved with their families. One of the features of widowhood is that you find you have «nobody to do nothing with».
You may have to be more proactive in suggesting outings to other women you - and of course risk rejection- or find some interest you and your DH can share - or, bite the bullet as I often do and go on your own.

I know exactly what you mean. I've only recently plucked up enough courage to actually go to the cinema or theatre on my own but as you say, I always have to go back to an empty house.

TheSunRisesInTheEast

NannySue45, oh dear, you've got yourself in a pickle. You have a husband, a daughter, granddaughter, a son and friends. Maybe you are depressed, that may be why you're feeling so negative about life at the moment.

I'm an only child and love it. My husband is one of five, and I know what I'd prefer. They have very little to do with one another and on the odd occasion they do get together, it isn't a pleasant experience 🙄.

You can get caught up in how "wonderful" other people's lives are, their "happy" families, "exotic" holidays to far flung places, but things aren't always as they seem.

Suggest doing things with your husband, be friends with him, visit garden centres, have lunch out, go to the cinema ... Visit your daughter and grandchildren for the weekend. Invite your son for dinner.

It's easy to do nothing and be disappointed that people aren't coming to you with offers, but if it bothers you then you have to put more effort in.

There are loads of clubs available in most towns, I'm sure one of your friends would be interested in attending them with you.

Maybe you and your husband could join a club together or go swimming, a coffee and chat afterwards with other people may bring on new friendships, you never know.

I'm very happy with my own company, always have been, but I can understand that some people enjoy the company of others.

Please keep off things like Facebook, I've never been on it but have heard that lots of people post photos of every possible "look at me" situation to convey what a "fantastic" life they lead. But you don't see the whole picture of their lives.

Be thankful for what you've got, not sad for what you haven't got.

Nobody's life is perfect, just make the most of it 💐.

👏👏👏👏👏 👍👍

I read somewhere that we are led to believe that everybody has at least one BFF but it is a myth. I can't remember the numbers but it is such a small percentage that do. It made me feel so much better as my last real best friend was when I was in primary school and we lost touch...my fault entirely. I have made a real effort to socialise in the last couple of years and although I have not necessarily made a BFF, I have at last found someone I can talk to. Don't give up, don't feel sad, you never know what is around the corner if you socialise.

I agree with J52; choose someone from your existing group and invite her for coffee/lunch somewhere to get to know her better. Then do the same thing with another from the group. Rinse as repeat till you have built up a network that you're comfortable with. I'm an only child too and understand how intimidating (and exhausting) it can be to start off with a whole crowd of strangers

I echo LemonJams recommendation of the U3a (University of the 3rd age) most have MOTO groups (members on their own) as well as a huge range of other groups. It's a great way to meet people.