Shocking discovery while cleaning out DH desk

Glad you are getting help going though this.

That was supposed to be a bunch of flowers.

thanks

In many ways he was a good man and I thought it best to keep it to myself. I decided others in the family are better off not knowing. Even his own children who have dicey track records themselves. I am seeing a therapist to work through all of this and in a church grief group. Thank you to all for your support.

2Understand

After 28 years of marriage my husband passed away suddenly and I was devastated. He was a quiet man that shared very little about his thoughts, had very few friends which didn't seem to bother him. I took care of him and was his source of conversation, dinner partner, events for his family, etc. I often was annoyed he offered little conversation or interest other than spending time at his computer. I felt very bored at times. Now as I am cleaning out his desk and computer I find he had been corresponding with a women he had had an affair with while previously married and also saved women on dating websites. If he was unhappy he should have let me know as I was too at times.
I don't know whether to feel hurt or angry.
Why do people leave such things to be discovered after they pass?

Were the letters romantic or just keeping in touch? My husband occasionally gets letters from his fiancée from 60 years ago. He has no romantic interest in her, sometimes shows me rubbish she's written, she's a bit odd. I think the tone of the letters is important, if it is just general chat from years ago I really don't think it is worth upsetting yourself.

Was he involved with any of the women on the dating site? If he was then that isn't acceptable but if he was just looking then remember even if he was interested he didn't do anything maybe because your marriage meant too much to him.

I hope you are ok and have some support.

He would have valued the marriage between you two, too much to take the substantial risk of telling you about his romantic outside interests.

I'm so sorry. Take care.

I'm so sorry. An extra burden at a very hard time.
I don't know why some people need to keep secrets and it doesn't matter now.
I also hope you have a good trusted friend who you can talk to or if not then grief counselling might help.

I hope you have someone close enough to share this with. It's too much, all at once.

How awful for you, I am so sorry you had to have your memories tainted with hurt and anger, when you are grieving. Hope you have close friends or family to share this with as this is something you need to off load for your own wellbeing.
🌹

That must have come as a terrible shock , and at the worst possible time,I hope you have good family and friends to help,

Moon = join

Maybe he was one of those men that just can’t live without a double life. Very upsetting for you to find out he wasn’t the person you thought he was. One of my cousins was married to someone like this and in the end she found out and left him but he was at it for many,many years and everyone except her seemed to know. I could only suggest to moon a club itr two and immerse yourself in whatever takes your interest to help you forget the so and so.

This is so hard and complicates you grief. I am sorry that this has happened.

That's so hurtful 2Understand I sympathise with you. Your husband perhaps viewed his online activities in a different light, don't let it overwhelm you.
Take care

Was there a cane and a tea cup in there?

Double shock for you. His sudden death and then to discover he has been betraying you. No wonder you are hurt and angry. It's a lot to take in.
💐

That must have been so hurtful. Sorry you went through that.

I understand. I am so sorry.

Oh no, am so sorry, as well as feeling bereaved you must be struggling with so many conflicting emotions right now.
I hope you have family or close friends who can support you right now.
Take care of yourself 💐

I was also the cheated wife. My husband left me and married his lover.
I really, really feel for you.
If it makes you feel any better, just think, he didn’t leave you for any of them . He had deeper feelings for you than he had for all his bits on the side. I know it doesn’t make it right and I’m sure it hurts. Give it time.

You have every right to feel hurt and angry. (((((Big HUG)))))

A friend's father died in hospital and the nurse handed to her his cabinet bits and pieces, including his diary.
Just as well, for reading the diary it became evident there was another woman.
She never told her Mother and destroyed the diary.

Two very understandable emotions. I don't suppose he ever intended for you to find any of this but his sudden death has denied him the chance of tidying up his effects. Having been the cheated wife I really feel for you. I hope you have good friends and family for support.