Revenge on an ex

When my ex and I broke up after an abusive marriage, having traumatised me and my daughter I was quite hurt when he moved on within a couple of weeks. Don't get me wrong, I didn't want him back but I had waited for him to get his act together for so long, I felt somewhat betrayed. I used to lie awake at night plotting my revenge by putting paint stripper on his brand new car. However, what I realised was that it actually made me feel uncomfortable in my own skin and kept me awake at night because, on top of feeling that I was worthless after the abuse, I was thinking about something that was spiteful. From then on, I put those thoughts behind me and tried to concentrate on the new baby I was carrying along with our future. I felt so much better for it.

So many halos on this post. 😂😂😂

So petty

Yes oh yes Twiglet. (sniffle)

🙏

I've said bits and bobs before on this, but for ages, well many of you saw me on political threads big time but this was burying away inside all that time and better out than in.

How could a strong woman - a feminist like me get trapped like this I ask myself so much.
Ending up with no friends, no social life except online (and he didn't like that, either)

The answer is, he lied, and for a long time I thought, well, its because he's ill etc etc, doesnt know better and so on. But I had an awakening a week ago.

I realised that his lies were conscious, deliberate, consistent, and all planned to create the impression that he did with me: all to get control

Now after the inevitable depression that followed, I have my loving family round me, (tho not local) warm friends at the gym, I chat away at my local Costa and well the politics bit .....remain controversial

but those of you who argued with me on politics little realised...it was keeping me going!!!

In retrospect, I realised it got worse half way through the 11 years because we got married. that old chestnut of "when a bloke gets his knees under the dining table".

Fortunately I never put his name on the house, tho he asked me too, somehow never got around to it (now there's a giveaway) supported him partially financially: when we divorced what saved me staying here (which I have now made my own and love my little house and banished him from it) was that he was due a guaranteed inheritance to off set it.

Knowing that he knows you’re thriving and happier without him is the best revenge.

Wyllow3

(thank you for listening, it just needed to get out)

I wouldnt.

But what I would like is for his future women to know what they are getting.

Not for revenge, but to protect them.

At least someone significant knows:

It was not my intention to stir things, I just wanted someone neutral to deliver a package for me to him.

When I met her I showed her the formal letter which safeguarded me by Social Services from him in order that she understood why I didn't want to do it myself.

What I didn't know is that she has reasonably regular informal contact with him in an official role.

She sat down absolutely aghast

He'd got her convinced he was a poor nice guy who'd been hurt by me

For several years before I realised what was happening he convinced me that a past relationship had failed because SHE - his former partner was co-ercively abusive.

His mum had thought I was the best thing since sliced bread as I was open, honest and not tarted up...and I'd taken him off her hands, in effect.

and when we did split loads came out. The close friend of his who told me no one ever lent him money as they never got it back.

His brother who told me - afterwards!!!

That he wouldn't let my Ex stay with him as he was an emotional danger to his daughter.

You see, its complicated, as these things often are, by the fact he has serious mental health Problems that he managed to hide form me. His backstory was partly made up but oh so convincing for oh so long - until his problems got so huge it all crashed around me. Police, change locks, safeguarding, a year of abusive WhatsApps.

I didn't prosecute as I wanted to get the divorce through quickly.

But..inside every bully is a coward, isnt there? He knows what I have on him - so I'm not afraid physically, but the backlash emotionally will not be over until more time has passed.

Not an ex and no actual revenge but a ‘friend’ made a pretence of starting a business venture then left the area with our stake, money we could ill-afford to lose having a young family. Unfortunately it transpired he’d done the same thing to several people locally and even left his own family owing money. I was just pleased to have him out of our life at that time. I did though have a day dream of meeting him sometime in the future when I had half a dozen eggs in my shopping bag …
Now I just think it’s sad that he lost everyone in his life.

Well if that made you happy so be it ...

Years ago when my ex husband kept cheating after promising to never do it again I started making him dog food spaghetti bolenaise and some lovely stews and pies with dogfood also and added exlax chocolate to coffee, cakes and so many other things not enough to give him the runs just enough to upset him and because he was often eating with me then popping out to see her and she didn't know about me so was cooking for him too he never figured it out . Petty I know but made me smile xx

Magenta8

^I certainly dreamed of doing all sorts of things, mainly to his other women.^

Of course his other women must share some of the blame as it takes two to tango but I bet he made the first move and it is also likely that he was not honest about already having a partner.

Why some women feel more bitter towards the other woman than their philandering partner always puzzles me. Jealousy is a curious thing.

I think it is because any woman to sets out to get a man already spoken for needs regarding as to blame.

All this "could not help it" is utter rubbish
All this "he would not stray if he was happy" is just an excuse - all relationships go through dull/unhappy phases, and taking advantage is evil

"Stoop"

Wouldn't steep so low as to try revenge tactics.

Yes,went to her work and outed her in front of her colleagues,she was the boss, who were left speechless then I wrote to CEO of her company! I had a 3yr old and an 8month old.Got a letter from her lawyer but don't regret it to this day! And she's still scared of me... my ex hubby's family have never really accepted her although he married her 25 years ago..still together but he's not happy my girls say and she says she's sure he married her for her money! You think???🤣 and it's taken her 25 years to figure that out!!!! 🤣

Pix5

When I found out my ex had died I got in touch with his wife to give my condolences but she was very off. They lived in the States. She knew about me as he told her we had lived together (we hadn’t) and showed her a photo of me. This was something like 30 years ago. It’s not as if was new, so no need to be jealous. He apparently hung himself in their garden. I hadn’t got in touch to cause trouble, I was 21 when I knew him, I’m now 65. She started asking questions about whether we were still in touch etc. I let her believe we were. May the Lord forgive me. You see I was pregnant when he dumped me.

But why make her think that, she'll go to her grave thinking he was unfaithful, albeit emotionally so.

My hubby made my best friend pregnant, he was my first love, when I appeared on a Ch5 TV show called The Female Orgasm I said on National TV that I did not have my first orgasm with a man until AFTER I was divorced, oh and I made sure all our friends and his family knew I was going to be on TV just so they all knew how crap he was in bed although he fancied himself as the local gigolo. He now has kids from loads of different women, he only ever married two of us, I was his first, but he is alone and single now, and I recently had a FB message from his other wife who was telling me she got genital warts off him because he cannot keep his willy in his pants! poor girl! I should have listened to HIS parents who begged me NOT to marry him the night before the wedding. So yes revenge was sweet, telling tens of thousands of people on TV how rubbish he is in the sack!

Sadgrandma

Has anyone ever done anything creative to take revenge on an ex (or perhaps dreamed of doing so)?
I have heard of some wonderful ones like the woman who sewed prawns into the curtain rail before she left or the other one who distributed his vintage wine collection on doorsteps in her village!
I certainly dreamed of doing all sorts of things, mainly to his other woman) when my first husband left but was too much of a coward to carry any out.

My sons ex (thank god) egged his car most nights, stole all his shoe laces before she walked out and posted neon laces back through the door! (they were teenagers at the time)

i would never demean myself by getting even with an ex. All that would happen as they would die out on the story of your revenge to explain what a dreadful woman you were and how right he was to leave you. Is that what you want?

It also demonstrates how dependent you still are on his presence in your life to validate your existence.

Just walking away and not seeming to have a care in the world is the best way of getting revenge. It shows your ex justhow unimportant they are and how well you flourish without them.

When I found out my ex had died I got in touch with his wife to give my condolences but she was very off. They lived in the States. She knew about me as he told her we had lived together (we hadn’t) and showed her a photo of me. This was something like 30 years ago. It’s not as if was new, so no need to be jealous. He apparently hung himself in their garden. I hadn’t got in touch to cause trouble, I was 21 when I knew him, I’m now 65. She started asking questions about whether we were still in touch etc. I let her believe we were. May the Lord forgive me. You see I was pregnant when he dumped me.

I had my revenge without knowing it … Five years after a devastating split, I was very happily married and a new mum, when I bumped into the ex. He was overweight, scruffy and not alone. I just smiled, knowing that seeing me happy and fulfilled would surprise him. What I didn’t know until a few years later was that meeting affected him so deeply (how dare I be happy, marry and have children etc) that he went into the nearest pub then drove home, smashed his car and got done for drinking and driving. A dish served cold indeed!

mumski

Got the keys to his new 'love nest' from one of my daughters.

Powered chilli in all his y fronts. (A slow burn! Doesn't come into effect until it all gets a bit sweaty)
Poured all their expensive liqueurs down the sink and filled the bottles with washing up liquid, floor cleaner etc .

Whooped his ass in court over the divorce settlement. He thought I would role over and just agree to everything he wanted.

Can't remember what else I did as it was 25 years ago. But the feeling of satisfaction still remines.

Recently, a feeling of satisfaction as one daughter refuses to have anything to do with him, as he continued his coercive and controlling behaviour. Police involved.

I really fail to understand your actions. Maybe I'm wrong but I think they were totally abhorrent and even illegal. You effectively broke into his house, you tried to do him harm and you then poured poisonous substances into bottles of alcohol. You could have done very serious damage to someone. What's more you even involved your daughter in this!
Quite frankly I'd say your ex is well out of it.

I didnt really have revenge on my ex but did go and see his new girlfriend and said she could have him, but she said that wasnt what she wanted. At the time she was a friend. Anyway he did not stay with her and has now remarried. Apparently the new wife is jealous of me (he told me that) and when we met at my sons wedding some years ago she asked if I had had my menopause! Strange question. Since then he now has very rare contact with his children or his grandchildren and they are not bothered. I think I could be revengeful under the right circumstances but it would have to be subtle.

(Which it would in my case, anyway, its better to occupy the high moral ground)

Knowing he will do the same to the next woman is difficult to bear however. (This was co-ercive abuse, not another women). If he attempted to come near he knows the police and SSD would be on the case, as its all logged)

But he left me in a bad state, fortunately like Kandinsky and others have said, making to most of life now)

The light hearted answer:

On one message board I was on, there was reference to What Was Under the Patio when a partner offended