Absent neighbour

Have a word with her. She probably hasn't even noticed. I've been removing weeds in a neighbour's narrow drive adjoining mine, and she hasn't thanked me. I don't think she has noticed. I take the bins in for them as they are often not at home, the husband's thanked me for that.

The Parish Council owns most of the land at front of the houses down my road but do nothing in terms of general maintenance. I used to regularly tidy up in front of the neighbours on either side when old people lived there. Now I'm the old person with younger neighbours who make no attempt to pick up litter, even if it's on their doorstep. I've resigned!

Carriad the differences are because Wales is Wales. The Welsh people have many customs the English don't know about. You have not moved within the same country. You moved from England to Wales. Even north and south Wales have different customs.

Did she ask your husband to cut her grass? If so, she's rude and ungrateful; if not maybe she's sending a subtle message.

We cut both sides of small lawn when we did our front lawn. One neighbour was very grateful but the other side told us not to bother again. They had a company come, dug it all up, levelled it, and put down top quality turf. Must have cost a lot of money and was a first class perfect job. They cut it twice in the last year and a half. Now it's full of weeds, and small tree shoots sprouting where birds have dropped seeds. Looks a real overgrown mess but that's their choice.

So do I

"Kerb appeal" to one person is "Agh! I like it a bit wild and to give wildflowers etc a chance" on the other hand.

There was a neighbour here (now moved) who would keep mowing our communal grass - but the thing was he never asked my opinion, for instance, as to what length I wanted it mowed to. So he "crewcut" it - but I thought it was cheeky for him to exercise his opinion - because I, on the other hand, like to have it a bit longer and give wildlife a chance. So how come his opinion mattered more than mine - about our communal land? But by just doing it = he was clearly putting his own personal opinion on aesthetics first and ignoring mine.

Yes I agree with you. Very rude of her. A bottle of wine or a bunch of flowers might not be unreasonable either.

I would either carry on because I wanted the shared garden to look tidy and not expect any thanks because that was my decision. Or alternatively I would have a chat with neighbour when she is next at home. I would explain that your husband has been cutting the grass in her absence but it has now occurred to you both you have never actually secured her agreement or point of view. I would ask her what she would like to do going forwards- e.g. take it in turns, get someone in and share the cost or does she have any other suggestion..... If you don't like her answer at least you asked and then you can decide whether to continue with no expectation of thanks or just do your side and live with it looking a bit odd. At least you will not be silently feeling taken for granted and will know where you stand. Ideally she will thank you profusely so far and maybe buy you some flowers etc now and then as a thank you going forward and you will feel much better. 💐

Aldom

Carriad the differences are because Wales is Wales. The Welsh people have many customs the English don't know about. You have not moved within the same country. You moved from England to Wales. Even north and south Wales have different customs.

The different customs are one thing - and I think by now I've realised that when they talk about "the country" they probably mean "Wales" and when they talk about "the government" they probably mean the Senedd. In turn - I think they realise that they mean exactly what they always have meant for me - ie Britain and the government (ie London). Those things just equal a "stop and pause and translate into own terminology" on both parts.

That doesn't bother me so much - as I just mentally translate and they do too. But I do wonder why there is so much trespassing and land theft and it is upsetting with the way I've had to learn to be wary of the neighbours I've got - I'd just been hoping for the standard "take in parcels/water plants if need be/feed a pet cat if they're away" sort of stuff and would have been quite okay about that. I've had a couple of postmen here explain that they notice a lot of that going on and it's common in this town I'm in - so at least I get the message "It's nothing personal" - and keep an eye on the security cameras I had put in because of my own neighbours. So I'm glad the posties have explained to me that it's nothing personal - it's just a frequent thing in this town for some reason...as they tell me they know of a lot of it. If I'd checked for the local Facebook group before I moved here - the fact that there's quite a few of them and all covering pretty much the same ground (rather than the normal one that a town or city usually has) might have given me a clue....

Put a note through her door asking If she would like you to continue cutting her side, or perhaps you and she could take it in turns to do both frontages? Please let us know

Lemonjohn I don’t read it as a ‘shared’ garden though I read it as two front lawns with no fence between
What we have to realise is if the lady is away a lot and your husband cuts the grass regularly she probably has no idea that it’s been done it probably never enters her head as it always looks the same !
Just do you own bit and stay of her lawn Buonanima you’re actually trespassing unless you are asked to do it

I agree with Lemon jam and the others in a similar vein.
An act of kindness by one person can be perceived as a
criticism by the recipiante.
Maybe an apology for your actions without permission would
move the matter forward.
It would be a shame to have an uncomfortable relationship
with your neighbour going forward over such a small
matter.

Don't cut it! I know it will look an eyesore but how ungrateful your neighbour seems

BlueBelle Fri 03-Oct-25 15:40:27
Lemonjohn I don’t read it as a ‘shared’ garden though I read it as two front lawns with no fence between.

Hi BlueBelle- the OP did state "we have a shared garden at the front of the house"......

When i was working I worked away all week only being home at the weekend. The front lawn was shared. My neighbour cut the grass. I made sure the borders were full of plants and weeded. Plus did regular treatments to the lawn. Sharing these tasks worked for both of us.

People who do tasks without first asking as an act of generosity shouldn't expect to be thanked.

If OP did this without even speaking the neighbour then he was out of order.

I once went on holiday and came back to find my neighbour had trimmed the hedge very badly and never even had the courtesy to ask.

LemonJohn I know the original poster called it a shared garden but a shared garden would mean they could both use either sides ie poster could plant a tree on neighbours side or neighbour could put pots of flowers on posters side I know that’s what she called it but is that really how it works
I ve only seen shared gardens in big blocks of flats where one piece of lawn can be used by many

Hi Bluebelle, Thank you for your response. I merely referred to the shared garden as described by - we are not at odds. You may well be right in your interpretation of how the garden layout works.....

I do hope that your grass mowing situation is resolved, it sounds quite irritating for you and your husband, but hopefully it will be sorted out.

And just a thought, does your neighbour know that part of the lawn is hers? Or does she think it’s communal and a gardener is doing it, with the cost coming out of her admin charge, if there is one.

Would your neighbour possibly prefer the grass not to be cut, would she like it to look more natural and allow the pollinators to come along?

And some people simply don’t think about gardens or lawns at all, and simply think that they are kept tidy by magic!

🌷🌷🌷

PS We have a flat in a small block of ten flats, with shared front and back gardens, and a retired male neighbour who now runs both as a hobby.

Several of us don’t really want the lawn mown/shaved every week by him, nor do we want frequent weed killers on the lawn or gardens, nor do we want their ornaments all over the garden.

And, finally, we really don’t want to be paying extra to our neighbour for any of the above when we’ve not had a chance to discuss what we actually want with the other flat owners. If any of us say anything, he gets upset and sulky!

We are going to have a planning meeting soon, and we hopefully can all get the results we would like.

🌷🌷🌷

By "shared garden" I took it as meaning "It's a stretch of grass that goes across between both houses - the bit in front of our house is ours. The bit in front of next doors house is theirs".

Re frequency of mowing - and the area I live in, for instance, has Council grass verges that are communal going along in front of peoples private front gardens. It must be most confusing to people walking past to see some mown fairly often and some only being mown very infrequently.

The reason for that is because some like it crewcut and do it themselves in between the Council cutting and others leave it for the Council to do and, once in a while, think "Oh they've been round again obviously" (ie because it's all been done).

If my house had that set-up I wouldnt be mowing the grass verge in between Council mowings (which I think must be 1-2 times a year). Reason being - being charged 75% of a Council Tax bill (rather than 50% each) and I can't think of anything the Council here pays for for people in my position (ie single and childless) - but there is some Council money spent on people with children. So - I don't feel like they are spending any money on me at all - just a share towards communal lights on roads and the rubbish collection we all have (only every 3 weeks for black bags and now rationed too).

So maybe your neighbour has got an idea in her head that "It must be a Council thing etc etc" along the lines I have and so it doesn't really resonate with her of "Oh yeah the grass has been cut.... iyswim - and she maybe doesn't regard it as anything to do with her.

But - as another poster has said - talk to her and then you can see what assumptions she is making and how she wants it to be on the one hand. She can see what assumptions you are making and how you want it to be on the other hand. If it's the same set of assumptions = fine. If it isn't then you do you on your bit and she does her on her bit.

Yeh but if you kept it under control that wouldn’t even necessary.

ArthurAskey ...but would uou choose to have it "under control" at all?