Why no Friends

I don’t have the energy for close friends. I do lots of activities and have lots of friends in various groups but I don’t particularly like one to one commitments. If I wake up having a bad day I can cancel an activity without it affecting others too much but I feel guilty if I have to cancel a one to one meet-up. That said I have offered and have received help when ill. So group company suits me.

25Avalon

I’ve given up. It’s strange there are some people in a group that everyone falls over backwards to accommodate and take into account all the time, whilst others are ignored and left on the fringes. I’m one of the latter sadly but I’ve stopped worrying or even being annoyed about it and just do my own thing.

I have a couple of friends who are very popular.

One 'networks - it's quite interesting to see her do this. She is a bit of a gossip, though, and although I'm fond of her I'm careful not to divulge any State secrets!

The other is genuinely interested in other people and goes out of her way to keep in touch with them, suggest lunches or coffee and is very kind. Never ever gossips about others either.

JD08202025

I'm in the same boat. I've been retired for 8 years. Basically, alone most of the time. I do go to the gym, but I'm not super gregarious, so that has not resulted in any friends or acquaintances. Is there a way to find if there are people in my area on this site?

JDO If you go to Forums scroll down to Meet ups then start a thread asking if anyone wants to meet up in your area. Name the town nearest to where you are.
Lots of us on GN have met up. I've got to know several ladies in Oxfordshire. Good luck.

Alison you’ve posted a great & lovely response 🌷

I’ve given up. It’s strange there are some people in a group that everyone falls over backwards to accommodate and take into account all the time, whilst others are ignored and left on the fringes. I’m one of the latter sadly but I’ve stopped worrying or even being annoyed about it and just do my own thing.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I don't know if you have a partner but if you are widowed there is a UK wide group called the Jolly Dollies which is a great way to make friends. There is a very reasonable annual fee of £20.00. Also (and this may sound very strange indeed) learn to play the Ukulele and join a club. It really doesn't matter if you're a complete novice. You will never meet a friendlier, happier group of people. I'm absolutely rubbish at playing but I go each week for the friendship and fun.

I'm in the same boat. I've been retired for 8 years. Basically, alone most of the time. I do go to the gym, but I'm not super gregarious, so that has not resulted in any friends or acquaintances. Is there a way to find if there are people in my area on this site?

Doodledog I like to watch my soaps as they are really happening!

Denise14. Would a walking group appeal to you? The Ramblers Association arrange various walks, from short strolls to hikes. Some large cities have “Health Walks” where you walk for, usually an hour and then have a drink afterwards. You don’t have to have a health issue-the aim is more preventative.
I’ve experienced what you describe and found walking helped.
Although I didn’t make any friends, I always found people friendly and some would be willing to chat.

There’s some good suggestions on this thread and I’m reading it with interest, as I’ve recently moved to a new area, and have to start finding suitable activities. As some have already said, it’s
not easy when you’re older.

Aveline

I'd be up for that too. However it might involve being out at night so I might miss my soaps

Streaming, Aveline, I say streaming

I find myself asking "What would she have to say about ...."
Always full of wisdom and common sense but fun too.

Carole28 and Allira

Same here - lost my best friend 4 years ago - still mis her 😢

That's the problem, going out on a cold, dark, winter's night is not appealing, better to stay in, do some craft and watch a bit of TV (not the soaps!).

I'd be up for that too. However it might involve being out at night so I might miss my soaps

That sounds like more fun!

I'll investigate.

Allira

Doodledog I do know them most and they are lovely people but the thought of researching a topic to debate then discussing it ...

Although, of course, I could ask if forums such as Mumsnet have increased intergenerational tensions 😁 Discuss!

Ours have been things like 'which period of fashion did you like best?' (complete with people wearing cheesecloth or padded shoulders ), Desert Island Discs, influential women (could be anyone from your headmistress to Madonna or Marie Curie), uses for herbs (medicinal or culinary) and lots more. 'Research' is used pretty loosely, and we tend to only fall back on that type of meeting when there is no other kind in the offing. Mostly we are out and about, or doing things like wine tasting or playing a game.

Allira

Aveline

Excellent topic Allira!

😁

Perhaps I'll be brave enough to join.

I'd rather meet in the pub though!

Me2 ..even if it's for 1 wine (whine)

Aveline

Excellent topic Allira!

😁

Perhaps I'll be brave enough to join.

I'd rather meet in the pub though!

Carole28 I'm sorry to hear about your best friend.
I lost my dearest friend too and still miss her years later, and another lovely friend too.
Although I have made other friends it's never quite that level of closeness, also knowing that anything you might confide in her would go no further.

Excellent topic Allira!

Doodledog I do know them most and they are lovely people but the thought of researching a topic to debate then discussing it ...

Although, of course, I could ask if forums such as Mumsnet have increased intergenerational tensions 😁 Discuss!

Our NWR meetings are anything but 'worthy' . We meet annually to plan the year ahead, and meetings include lunch dates, trips out, quizzes, play readings, detective games, wine tasting and more. As the individual groups decide their schedules, maybe you need to look for one closer to your idea of fun, if you live in travelling distance of more than one group.

Don't knock 'friendly acquaintances' they could be the start of deeper friendships

I think its difficult to make real friends and also takes a effort to keep them.. I do volunteering and U3A and know lots of acquaintances but not many are real friends. A counsellor once told me that friends are the people who seek you out when you stop going somewhere and everyone else is an acquaintance. I think this maybe true.
I had a best friend for 30 years who died of breast cancer and I don't think I will ever replace her. You sort of grow together as friends when you are younger.

Denise14 don’t despair! It s hard to make friends and it’s not you! A lot of people don’t want to make friendships and some you wouldn’t want to be friends with! I have tried joining a local interest group and volunteering. I continue because I enjoy the activities but no longer expect to make friends that way. A lot of volunteering, e.g. hospital, school, is quite solitary. There is friendly interaction but not the same as making friends. I have never felt as lonely as when I volunteered at local hospital so don’t do that anymore. Looking into NWR after hearing of it in this thread. Keep trying. Do things that you enjoy and if you meet a friend/s on the way, it’s a bonus!