Hot water not working - husband done nothing

I have to say, holding the current world championship for procrastination (No I haven't done a POA, bought the plants I want the gardener to put in next week or even CHOSEN them, tidied the garage or loft, taken the bags I am amassing to the charity shop) I may have some sympathy.
But cold showers would get my immediate attention!

Zorro21

boheminan

Why can't you contact the plumber?

Because he would be angry.

So what?

I've been discussing this thread, thanks Zorro with my young male helper. He's in his 20s.
He is sure the problem is poor communication.
I said that in a lot of relationships the work is shared out down gender lines. He seemed surprised.
I wonder how I'd have felt, if DH had hired a cook or a gardener behind my back.
I might have become angry too.

Apologies, I didn’t mean to hijack this and make it all about me.
I think the husband is being totally unreasonable and rather stupid and I agree with most of the suggestions made. She needs to stand up to him (difficult, I know, but should only need doing once or twice). It’s her house too and she needs to make that clear. What is it with men like this?

My suggestions, fwiw
1. If you are a Christain, pray about the specific situation
2. Stay calm yourself
3. Be measured and specific in your requests
4. Choose times to speak, and not to speak, wisely.

and nightowl

The divorce rate is 50% or whatever it is currently, for a reason.

I agree with Skydancer and Shelflife

Plenty of men[far too many] act like the OP's husband.

Years ago, my late husband insisted on teaching me the basic ‘mending and upkeep’ things that are needed to keep a house in good order. He said he was doing this so that if he was no longer here, I would be able to cope without always having to spend out on professionals. Also, he said it would be unfair to rely on my two sons-in-law to bail me out, although they were perfectly prepared to do so. My two daughters were also taught basic DIY by my husband before they got married and they too can cope with most problems.
Joking apart, thanks to him, we must have saved a fortune over the years.I am a widow now but things going wrong in my apartment don’t phase me as I have the basic knowledge to fix most things, or at least keep things under control until a professional arrives, if I need one.
An added bonus is, I rather like DIY, and thanks to my lovely husband, used to do all my own decorating. My children have forbidden me to climb ladders at my age (79) but I had fun while it lasted!

Yes Zorro needs a marriage guidance counsellor rather than a plumber.

Grammaretto I’d like to think your husband would be proud of you. I haven’t had to do anything like you but I feel my husband would be proud of me for what I have done.

Elegran

How long have you been a fellow Gransnetter, Zorro21 ?

Elegan you can search to answer this question. The GN search is usually pretty useless (sorry GN, but it is). You get more useful information if you Google.

Have you checked the boiler pressure ?As said before there is a how to do it on utube.
Also our boiler is regulated by a main thermostat in the hall. Heating and hot water stopped last year. It just needed a new battery. Does yours work by a battery or maybe it is wired in.

nightowl

Skydancer

Everyone seems surprised that the OP’s husband would be angry. It seems to me that this is how most men would react. With only one exception I can say hand on heart that the husbands or partners of all the women I know are difficult one way or another and it’s invariably the women who acquiese.

Skydancer I completely agree.

Really?? I don’t believe for a moment that most men would behave this way.

So if your husband gets angry because you, a woman, tries to solve the problem he hasn’t managed it all I can say is thank God I live alone

Thank you Madgran. I just feel Zorro must be in an impossible situation and people telling her to face up to him is not as easy as it sounds. Hope she comes back.

Nobody really wants an angry husband.

#just saying

Elegran

How long have you been a fellow Gransnetter, Zorro21 ?

Since 2016 at least Elegran
Skydancer I don’t know anyone who defers to their partner in that way, how peculiar.
I’ve always sorted out our house issues involving a third party, I may well ask MrJ for his view, but ultimately I make the call, have the chat then make payment.

I didn't think my Dear departed DH was like the one in your picture Rosie but since his death nearly 5 years ago I have had to;

Apply for, through a Government scheme, and get a new boiler and improved central heating system, rejigged the kitchen with new cooker and units, had 2 ceilings replaced after leaks having first had to call out at least 3 Roofers until the problem was fixed.
Dealt with the horror of a tree falling on a neighbour's house.

And that's over and
above the day to day things which we "shared"

Now I feel empowered enough to sell my house soon and I am waiting to hear if I have planning permission to build myself a little, eco house in part of my garden.
I'm rapidly running out of money so am also in the process of letting out part of my house short term.

I wonder what DH would be thinking. Would he feel emasculated or very proud and relieved?

I have called out plumbers and electricians dozens of times Zorro.
My Sparky even has his own key!

Shelflife Zorro has not come back to us, hope she is OK. Its all well and good telling her what we would do in her situation- we don't live in her situation! This is a reality for Zorro and she is doing her best and wanting some advise and understanding.

Actually Shelflife you are absolutely right. I responded to another posters comment about men/husbands but now think it would have been better that I didnt, as none of that is helpful to Zorro . I too hope she is ok.

Thankyou for making me think! I usually do before posting; this time I forgot what was important in this thread! 🤔

Zorro has not come back to us, hope she is OK. Its all well and good telling her what we would do in her situation- we don't live in her situation! This is a reality for Zorro and she is doing her best and wanting some advise and understanding. Advising her to stand up to him - what!!!!? Suggesting she books into a hotel till he comes to his senses, does it not occur to people she may not have access to money? We don't know what her life is like but we do know she has no hot water and her husband is being unreasonable! We don't know how her husband will react if she calls a plumber in, but Zorro does!!!
I hope she comes back for some sound understanding.

Skydancer

Everyone seems surprised that the OP’s husband would be angry. It seems to me that this is how most men would react. With only one exception I can say hand on heart that the husbands or partners of all the women I know are difficult one way or another and it’s invariably the women who acquiese.

My DH is happy for me to take the initiative sometimes. I don’t know any men who would react with anger.

Skydancer

Everyone seems surprised that the OP’s husband would be angry. It seems to me that this is how most men would react. With only one exception I can say hand on heart that the husbands or partners of all the women I know are difficult one way or another and it’s invariably the women who acquiese.

Well my husband is another example of some who isnt " difficult" in some way or another. He has his foibles as do I and as well do and we work round them as a partnership which is NOT aquiescing, just understanding compromise

How long have you been a fellow Gransnetter, Zorro21 ?

I'm another who hopes you are safe.

The hot weather will undoubtedly make him even more difficult so please think of an exit strategy if you might need one.

Thinking of you.

I like that, Rosie, and it feels depressingly familiar at times 🙄 😂.

All the same, advising someone we don’t know to anger her husband, when none of us knows what form his anger might take is risky at best. It’s not a soap opera - this is the OP’s lived experience and she may need to be more careful than commentators do. I would phone a plumber without a second thought, but I am not married to a man who might get violent as a result.

My approach would be to say something on the lines of ‘Can you deal with this yourself or do you want me to ring Fred, as it needs sorting by the weekend?’ But I am not the OP, and we need to remember that what we (generic) would do won’t work for everyone.